This. is craig david. if. he looked like dave. and had 30 t-shirts on. shizer...
...we own the bar!!...
....whoa!...
A worrying dave theme it would appear throughout
PBS | I, Cringely . November 17, 2005 - Google-Mart
PBS | I, Cringely . November 17, 2005 - Google-Mart
This sounds awesome. Awesomely scary. But awesome.
The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot
Discover Music - Pandora
This is something incredible, perhaps better than music plasma and really friendly to use and informative. Word my fellow music junkies, go forth and junk out.
But not you dave, do you bioinformatics otherwise death occurs!
Boing Boing: Guy fixes computers in exchange for sex
Boing Boing: Guy fixes computers in exchange for sex
Fecking awesome, I need this job, screw you accenture (not really I love you, take me in out of the cold! argh!)
Teuvo Kohonen - a modern day self-organized Legend
Screw you Doyle, Kohonen Martinkeowns you!...mwahha...ahem
BBC NEWS | Technology | Microsoft to remove Sony CD code
BBC NEWS | Technology | Microsoft to remove Sony CD code
oh my god Microsoft have actually done something right! Sony gonna be like shit dawgs.
a sunny sunny afternoon
not sure where that came from, but imagine the scene, your sitting at your pc in the early evening, leisurely perambulating the interweb as such, but hark what is that one hears? a strange crunching noise? From where hence does that come? The road you say?
and shock horror, there's a huge comet lorry slowly cranching summer's car's wing mirror. "oh my" i declare "whatever can the matter me, that lorry must surely stop" but to my suprise it proceeded to accelerate out of the melee, and disappear into the lonely lonely night. Not without first denting the afformentioned Rover 100, and ripping its bumper apart etc. With the speed and agility of a porturican I grabbed a pen and paper and managed to jot down most of the number plate (VW55 if I remember correctly) and the timeage (17.13), and called unto Dave:
"sup girlfriend, check dis shizzle out homeboy, da truck gone and cranched up summer's car"
"w00t" cried Dave, "my car?"
"no shorty, it be summer's, ya dig?" to which he did.
Shortly following this conversation an exploration was constructed, chosing our best team of me and dave, we proceeded to "bang" on the streets doors till we knocked up summer. With the skill and trickery unknown to most mortals, we communicated the situation and comforted her with our bosoms. maybe.
In the mean time a crowd, as such, had congregated and we all went to inspect spring's car. Dave quickly lept to the rescue explain what to do and who to call, which spring was much appriective of. Meanwhile I was like "dang fools, I saw that, I am teh win, I got number plate and shizer, worship me"
to which spring was like "woop!" and I replied with a "honk".
drink down your gin and kerosene....
*rocks out*
awesome, anyway, I been working like non-stop. Not efficient working, but working all the same, I've run outta ink though dammit. I kill many things.
World Processor - Interesting world viewage
Now I just need to apply to accenture, I am the win. Also I did bioinformatics (in theory). Starbucks I suspect today, time to charge my Fall Out Boy player.
Not been a very exciting post has it? see what happens when u don't mention Craig David!
Random Quote
Keep quiet,
Nothing comes as easy as you.
Can I lay in your bed all day?
I'll be your best kept secret
And your biggest mistake.
The hand behind this pen relives a failure every day
Nothing comes as easy as you.
Can I lay in your bed all day?
I'll be your best kept secret
And your biggest mistake.
The hand behind this pen relives a failure every day
webster's dictionary...
...defines a student newspaper as " a biased excuse for a news reporting document, whose mission statement consists mainly of finding an obscure story, spin it to attempt to prove that as many guilds/student unions/universitys/commercial companies/charities are as bad as possible. Most are run by the Evil Daniel 'not quite as cyborg, cyborg jack" Beddingfield - related: Micheal Moore"
exactly... I done some work today and careers woman loved me up some... as did the corne dude.
Nuff' said.
I hate making up titles
"This 'boing' is made for peeing,
and that’s just what it’ll do.
One of these days this 'boing's gonna pee all over you" - Craig "that shouldn't do that?" David
Enough of that really, we went to the quiz yesterday but it was cancelled in a shock bust up, between us and the fact there were no other competitiors, so we got free entry next time! yay! Plus we then made up an awesome alcohol round, which somehow dave managed to convince them meant we had to have free beer. A job well drunk mr dave. Seeing as the lemmy shut at 9, we had to waddle over to the ram, which was cool cos I saw clair, dave de la hardcor and beax.
Advice from Professor Bookshank: if you were a lowly exeter student... and there were 2 pigeons on the roof near ur window that were being noisy... and you wanted someone to get rid of them... and u found someone who's like hazaar!....and owns a water balloon firing device....and you want them to shoot a water baloon at the pigeon... resist, cos it smashes windows...
In other news we broke louis' window....shit.
News Flash:
In shocking and stunning news today, we have learnt via various popular rnb artist sources that my blog has been known to warp and "scar" people permanently. Without the quick wit and stunning fashion that usually exubes from here we were unable to defend ourselves in time, however luckily we comissioned 2 independent reports on this matter here are the findings:
"On a scale of 1 to 10 I find this blog to be Booshank" - Professor Booshank of Bookshank University, Booshank.
"This is like the time Craig David saved 25 orphans from a mutated combine harvester while accepting his nobel prize for his accomplishments in the field of 'being all over your...boing'. In conclusion this blog is safe for ingestion." - Craig "I ain't saying she's a gold digger" David.
the gospel according to:
Cheese on toast: First there was Toast, and the Toast was like "dang I be alone and not that street really". Then Craig David was like "when the crowd say bo, apply Cheese liberally" and henceforth cheese was combined with toast for a yummy warm feeling in your tummy.
I got fined 10p today by the library, but apparently if I hadn't paid it when (sic) I graduate i wouldn't be given my degree, cos I owed the uni money. Which was nice.
I failed to buy a bookcase as well today, due to various oddities and lazyness, but I did end up going to Starbucks with the guy I like to call "Mike the Cuddler". He disapproves.
btw I conned 2 supermarkets yesterday, but I can't be bothered to tell you why, just believe it was a great show of gritty character and somewhat suspect dance moves.
Random Quote:
"Dang its cold, like that time Craig David was locked in a Chiller by the Evil Daniel Beddingfield, and was forced to escape by only use his vocal talent and a craftily shaped pencil sharpener." - Me
my thoughts exactly
History - Uncyclopedia: "“I'm all for history repeating itself, as I forgot it right after the first time around.”
— Craig David on History, Life and the Cosmos"
Exactly really, that neatly leads me on to the fact that I drank way to much at open mic nite (who even knew it was on?) at the lemmy and had a near all day hangover. Perhaps I am broken.. Perhaps craig david is all over my...boing. Though chloe did knee me in the balls, which wasn't the best fun ever, for more detailed (and remembered) info look at mike's site, www.immikewithacheesypickaxe.xxx
interestingly apparently Porn was invented in England in 1838, bon(ers)us all round really. oh and I've realised I need to apply for jobs within the next say.... 2 days... SHIT.. I just wanna swim with dolphins.
Smallville out 2nite, I am the win(kle).....
ITTTTTTTSSSSSSSSS CCCCCCCHHHRRRRRRIIIIIISSSSSSSSSTTTTMMMMMMAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!...
...everybody danceeee!!..
...the photo I decided to text in and get up on the big screen for like the whole evening!...
...the photo rex decided to do exactly the same with....
....holy crap with my aformentioned dongle!..
...if only louis was at the club like this...
..aha you foiled our plans.....gaffaw...
...my Loser security cam seemed to activate during spoons...excellent
well I've just
gone to the careers fest, and it didn't really help me in the slightest, I still have no idea who/what/when i wanna do who/what/when. However I suspect masters is not gonna be the choice of the tom...
I've also started work on my search engine prototype, but now suspect I should just do my bioinformatics coursework, to get rid of deadlines...
what would you do if...
you were like drunk, and people were like sup fools, and not its not her fools. mwahhaha...moving swiftly on
Played Rileys with stu and mike 2nite and lost to stu, errorfull really, then went to spoons where pete, nick, chloe, kath? and joe? joined us... about 4 pitchers and 4 pints later went to sam's house party. Zoe and dave ala hardcore was there, which was woooo.
I'm also like dang,where are my hands. which luckily I found next to my arms.
dang
awesome weekend, friday nite went to a pub with the ruffle and the adam in colchester, some weird girl attached herself to adam cos she was hammered and a pikeh and was like "hashsalkdjg I lksdhkljashg like .jkshadjkasdg you, if I hjad a house come back to my place".....
Then on saturday, we went to an awesome chinese restuarent that was like "woo I'm a rest...ta...rant"... and then to spoons where the bar was so busy we managed like two drinks...
Then we went to the route, which was an awesome club, although it was 5 quid entry and they took our finger prints, before 11pm it was 1.50 for most drinks, afterwards though it was like 20 quid for 3 vodka and cokes, luckily I bolted a fair amount of alcopops before hand... bonus...
Awesome ghosts, and fire spinning people.... club music also rocked....
Coaches suck though damn them all
ow.
Well that was clever, drink too much beer and go to the club nite before I need to get a coach to london. Its like that song... er starts off a bit like
"oh god oh god ow ow my head, help me mike, where am I, you passed out? ARgh"
but its fiiiiiinnee I seeing ruffle today who I can sex up with some spinach, maybe
falling over.
holy stringtokenizer batman!
yup its that time of year again, time to be a code monkey, however yesterday even though I spent most the day attempting to code I paniked too much and failed completely:
Yesterdays Code Status: Code Mud
Today's Predicted Code Status From How Well I'm Doing At The Moment Wibble Wibble Whoops Where's My Thribble: Code Mole
Furthermore I've gotta go to colchester tomorrow, on a fecking coach, man I hate coaches more than apple juice... wait maybe that's pushing it.
ARGH, I've got to get my dissertation in by end of term. what the Fudgicles? also I suddenly in the mood for trance, BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM etc. awesome. oh btw far2narf.co.uk works again, wippie!
unfortunatly I have no exciting or humourous things to say today :(.
Holy crap dust men are here, to the bar!, plus we saw wallace and gromit yesterday, totally awesome, go watch it fools!
Random Quote:
"Hello, I'm the toast king and Craig David's all over my.....boing" - The Toast King
it was just like christmas
woo went to monday club at imp etc, now very tired for some reason I gotta do some java 2moz cos I so cool like that (sic)
Check out dis song ma jig: Low - Just Like Christmas
it be on the Oc Mix 3 soundtrack.
In other news check this confession site
plus not only is my leg itchy but we're going to arena tomorrow, woo
Current Stubbleness factor: The Ping Pong Effect.
Double U, Tea, F mate!
and so here's Pete, Louis and Dave having way too much fun on one sofa.
We Lemmy Quized it up last night with the skill only someone of inadequate vitamin composition has, unfortunatly there were a bunch of loud bastards (or was that us?) that beat us, but second place ain't bad... except we missed winning a dvd player by a point.
Dave won head jam though, and won....a vk....now really wtf ?
In other news, Chloe was more hammered than the masscre at the 1984 Nail convention. Luckily only minor co-stars got badly injured, however cars splashing people who are drunk and unaware is so funny my umbrella decided to self combust, so all I could use it for was a shield or some sort of teenage mutant hero turtle type shell. error.
I gotta see me homey Corne today, and be like sup foolio, project me up white boy....
now on to the party ->
Mike Soundboard... blargh
Check it out here, I'm tired, but I slept for ages, and this coffee hurts my insides.....
voip be up buster
see what i did there? if not go here for free calls to Many a country.
oh and if you live in america and/or the Nedarlands (yah I'm down wit the lingo) then I apologise for any scary prank phone calls u may have had which may have consisted of the words "hard gas", "crumpa" "Porn" etc.
Anyway, you foolios should check out my dual monitor sexual setup, its kinda useful in a geeky "my god I have no life" way.
Current Stubble Mania: Blueburry Muffin Texture...
Oh also we got Xmas Tree up and lights up finally! bet you all thought we were getting slack didn't you, well never fear the dustman, for he has seen more things than a fragile mortal has.
Till 12 and/or 1am...woooo for spoons!...
...this is what we in the trade like to call a "Christmas Tree", say it all together now children "Chris-Mas-Tree"....
...the power of my weight knows no limit, and once again something has bit the dust...dammit...
...woo, check this multiscreen shizled out, I am the win, I am the win....not...
wow that was shit wasn't it
but if I don't mention it u'll never know....
Firstly let me bring to your attention that although people who create trojan things that brick PSPs are evil.......yet its soooo funny when u see it happen to someone.
Apparently there's a new trend in dissing your doctors on blogs, and although this leads to being sued, I think I should join in......Damn you Dr Robotnik!
A movie about a japanese homicidal sexbot? not in my parteh you won't
The eels are mega tight awesome, thing I may have mentioned that before, but I didn't use such a l lack lustre word as tight, I may change it to awesome
Current Stubble Factor: Forest-Like in texture
Professor Booshank's Definitions:
Anime: A secret Japanese word really meaning special porn. The specialness factor is define by the amount of skool girls/strict bdsm/freaky shit/rape scenes in the afformentioned media.
bbqing winter wonderland
Awesome, can't beat bbq'd chicken, sausages and potatos, excellent work children....
Current Stubblyness: Dangerously fuzzy.
crab people, crab people, taste like crab, look like people, crab people, crab people
New south park (I broke the dam...I broke the damn.....NO! I BROKE THE FUCKING DAM, I LITEREALLY BROKE THE DAM! ON A BOAT! THAT WASN'T MINE! I KEPT IT SECRET FOR 2 DAYS! THE BOAT CAUGHT ON FIRE AND IT EXPLODED!... I broke the damn...Ah fuck it.) and new Lost, excellent work by all... Smallville tomorrow! parteh.
didn't do much today except spend 3 hours failing to fix Sam's pc, though prolly makin it worse, gotta go back and fix it 2moz.
Woo bioinformatics tomorrow, better sleep so I wake up and untangle my bed from my lushious beard....
I met a bloke at the pub last night,
He said to me there's a new Ian Wright,
I said to him, how can that be?
He told me a name, it was Thierry Henry.
100 quids worth of tesco shoppin
don't mind if we do.... that includes 44 packets of noodles! at 9p each, thats bargainous...
plus a jar of sweet picalilli....wtf is that?
Stubble Update: its stubbly....
Go here for an incredibly beautiful and awesome doggy game, plus here's stewie live thing... its not that great but interesting.
In more structurally damaging news, Louis's room is awesomely set out as a breakdancing studio now, kudos to him.
Random Photos w0t
Holy crap its mr blobby reincarnated into a house, Photos crap, its actually pink...
...stu's like in the ghetto or some other such crap...
...its a dave! avec la nick, blah 
...how the hell did this happen and when did I take this photo...
..this is possibly the before photo...
..wow thats one hot dave...
Seventy times 7, or sommit
Word, we drank to the pub, monday whiskey backdoor impy....
bet that made sense, so once more we failed in not drinkin, and didn't go to tesco either, for a detailed report check out this around here
We didn't get to bed till like 4.30, which was hectic, I blame stu mostly, though he got bitten and strangled by chloe, so he won't be back for a few weeks, mwahhahaha.. dammit I didn't get of bed till 2pm!
shocking.
Furthermore, I did like no work and its raining so much here its like I'm underthesea, or some such palava. Don't worry though I've watched all superman films now, and on a scale of 1 to awesome, they generally rate as Jank in the afformentioned Tank.
ARGH, there's a dude lookin at me from the other side of the road, lets kill him nick!
Let them eat cake.
And they did.
And they all died from diabetes, heart disease, tooth decay and choking on crumbs.
And Marie Antoinette was like
shit.
fantastic
(that was sarcasm)
well nothing bad has happened in a few days, so was about time that I realised that I'm probably going bald.
I suspect in a few days its time for me to get some sort of disease, I've said before diabetes sounds like a tom sort of disease but I'm not ruling out Chicken Pox or maybe this Bird Flu, sounds like the new fashion.
Road Trip!!!
To the park of so called Thorpe! mwahaha..
...Argh its a mike, oooh its a mike, with the crafty tongue attack, gunf onwards dave..
...with the sly and cunning of a hippo nick moves in for the kill...
As someone may have guessed in shrewsbury we went to Thorpe Park yesterday, and what an adventure it twas. I got up at 5.45!!!, thats approximetly 5 days earlier than I normally get up, and proceed to the Car mobile, and so leaving about 7... d'oh, with great skill and intrigue the Dave managed to get to thorpe park even though certain oil devices were failing upon his car.
We met Jade and Lisa finally, so they knew how horrendous I looked from the numerous phone calls, and everything was peachy. We then hacked up thorpe park and got in for half-price thanks to Last-minute.com (plug plug plug socket). Unfortunatly the fact that:
1. I look shifty
2. I was wearing (although a surfer one) a hoody
3. I came through the gates going "'eeeeeeeeyyy" to pete
me and pete got searched for suspicious things, including old manuscripts, bionic pets and a smell of orange zest.
Finally into the park, we ploughed through nearly all the rides, awesomely, not having to wait that long for anything really. Rides there are incredibly awesome, especially the samurai, which made me destroy my left leg, and Colossos, which was also of the wooo variety. Plus we got to go at the front. we also slotted a pizziara buffet inbetween all this excitement, and went on the tea cup, in which we petrified the dude waving frantically at him when swinging close to him, mainly due to lisa being mean to him!
Afterwards we (well mainly dave) drove all the way to winborne, and to a pub where we again met jade and lisa and were like dang diggy dang da dang da dang diggy diggy, back with the rap trap the bomb jiggy jiggy. Very nice pub, nick managed to not drink and I just had 1. good boy tom.
Finally we drove back to the "crib" and were like woo, sleep, nrgh, plarf, whey!
SHEEPS!...COWS...!!
and so
To Chessington! is anyone else apart from dave awake?
how I cry
Damn you james blunt, get outta my head
so bored of bloggin
very hard to get myself to do it, but I shall endevour!!..
This week I have mainly been not drinking, playing squash and reading my modelling book in the starbucks on campus which we have finally found, wooo!
Last night we went to the physics soc cos chloe was scared of cheese or them or sommit, which ended in us being the coolest people in the room for once, and mike drinkin so much his eyes were like "nargh I'm ears" or something. And therefore he bought a kfc family sex bucket. twas epic.
In other news me and dave have decided we are gonna create super-humans and cure all genetic diseases. We're gonna put hash codes into cells to stop mutations, and also we're gonna program dna so that instead of creating proteins, it creates some sort of metal (adamantium?) to cover cells and hence make us super. Dave also discovered how to speed up the internet, and I finished my modelling book. Bioinformatics now woo..
James Blunt- Goodbye My Lover, incredible song, damn u zoe for telling me about it!
Also I just ate 7 bananas and I think thats dangerously dangerous, aRGH!
finally, I still not got a project to do, I so gonna die, oh and finally finally, new Smallville is incredible, download it u muppets.
Random Photo Alert!!!!
There is a old chinese proverb, "A Tom be drunk when aftershock is on the wings of a glass"... and it was true...
...as ruffle agreed whole heartdly with his cunning hat of thinkage....
...*gaffaw* replied adam with a quiet intrigue...
..hark!, my legs upon the table of drunkard gathering! (2 microwaves and some sorta board thing)...
...oh god a headless nick!... wait a tick is that a nappy?..
.."what?, have I got something on my face?" correlated Tom...
...."argh" pondered Nick "I seem to have an invisible baby upon my shiny head"...
....*sniggers* numpty...
...The ever fearless Mike attempted to drink beer through the Hat of Justice and Valour and Carling...
...and the after effects were devestating..
..the most incredible photo of arena ever created...
..."heeeeeyyy", retrofied Pete with his best Fonz impression...
...suddenly the nite got blurry as the glasses piled higher and higher...
..."oh gosh" exclaimed an exuberant Nick " my blood to alcohol ratio is rather nifty"...
..."indubitbl...indubeti...ind...yes" flozzled Pete...
...."Grr and I be like Hardcore Porn" sobbed Tom...
..." my what a long finger you have Pete" jizzled Nick...
...ahh student humour, there is no higher form of wit...
...holy crap! what did u do pete... wait why do I have glass inmy ass!!..
...we have starbucks! parteh! verb like....
...wtf mate, I seem to have dented my mp3 player, Crikey!!!!!!!!
Dave's Birthday fun
Totally hectic night overall, feeling highly bad today,
twas dave's birthday as u may have guessed, and what better way to say woo than to give him a box full of crickets! and of course alcohol and general chaos devices....
Then it was off and onto pub golf, which probably was an error, as soon drunkardness had set in amazingly well. A final ending of us makign everyone in new spoons look scared and bit like. and I started complaining about them not giving me water and saying i was gonna die on the spot!.
Damn good fun though, except not feeling great now.
UPDATE: oh wait just remembered after everything, me pete chloe et dave started jumping on each other and tables and things from microwaves in front room. This soon resulted in the table (which was makeshift luckily) smashing, along with glasses and plates, and Tom (me!) getting glass in my arse and bleeding lots, and other injuries occuring. Much much fun!
Tom's Sandwich Recipe of the day:
(top to bottom)
1 slice white bread
4 Fish Fingers
Sliced Tomato
1 slice white bread
Sliced Lettuce
Medium Curry Powder
Sliced Corned Beef
1 slice white bread
result = yum
cunningly...
not too much drunk yesterday even though it was monday club, well done to me I think u'll understand. Ruffle b-day today! woooo, he saw strippers yesterday, even though they didn't know there was gonna be strippers there!
on other news, Tesco Fruit and Fibre (only 98p) is awesome! as is there 500 sheets of printer paper for 48p?!, compared to uni shop which is 3.60, glad I shopped around. Also The very super mega best of Now Dance is an awesome album go out and get (prolly buy) it!.
Dammit I need another bowl of fruit and fibre... I need to go to the library so I appear less lazy than I actually am, maybe I'll just read my sexy book on modelling animation.
I've not...
...drunk for 2 days, surely this is some sort of human record? freshers squash tomorrow, sounds like a plan.
I must sleep for death surly creeps.
That is meant to say surly, its poetic u heathens.
Tv shows galore
ARgh so many shows, Family Guy and American Dad are awesome as usual, and worryingly Simpsons have actually created a good episode, by a new writer, bit family guy style 1703 fools.
Lost is incredible as always, though 202 is a bit slow. new Smallville took days to get but was worth it, aWEsome!
still got joey to watch and be watching the oc, but I gettin bored of oc cos other stuff so good and its all a bit depressing.
craig david all over your flip floo
or sommit, k so I been lazy again, mike blew up our router and we couldn't get a stable net connection.
Lots of stuff has happened, everyone's here now! We played lots of squash, lots of drunkard shinanigans, we broke our door so we could kick it open, but thats fixed. While doing this our door bell flew across hall, so we tied wires together and posted it through stu's letter box and ran. Much funny. Me and nick went down some secret path and ended in someone's back garden and had to run from a security light. Freshers Arena was more packed than the party in my pants, at 9.10!!! luckily we hacked vip tickets by texting them. We went to new spoons like every day for 2 weeks. And I bought a bottle of Smokey Jims which is interesting.
Bulliet Bourbon is the most amazing bourbon ever, try it fools... very smooth. I keep ringing random people when I am drunk, so sorry, stu/ad/russ/anyone else. I have not confessed my love for anyone yet, apart from maybe mike/nick/dave, so its all good.
Oh and my bank account is lower than my jeans and we got told off for gettin on someones roof near walkabout, but damn we missed the wurzels. Freshers Squash tomorrow!
Drunkardness = homoeroticism for some reason.
CatchPhrase of Culverland Road: "To The Bar!"