we'll blow off our heads in despair

I actually felt old today, as I pondered devoting my life to one endeavour and realised 23 isn't 21 anymore. I'm not normally one to worry about birthdays, or that I'm getting older, as I've only lived a quarter of my life and it felt like a real long time (not in a bad way i should point out). However, for nearly 20 years of that I had little choice in what I did or my future. Now in the land of careers, travelling, responsibility and all other manner of things, I'm not sure I can fit it all in. Have I still got time to be a rock star or famous sportsman?

What if I wanna do a phd?
or live in Oz for a year?
or travel to India? or down Africa?
or learn Spanish and do South America?

I'm finding it difficult to break out of the mind set that once I start my career I can't stop in case it looks bad, or I can't re-find a job, or I won't progress far enough or earn enough money.

Argh.

And yes I know, I should "just do what i want" but what if I don't know what I want? You could harp on all day in cliché motivational phrases until the cows come home, trample your new Persian rug and demand their supper but it won't change the face that following that advice yourself is far more complex and risky than in some magic fairy ideal.

Also what if I find someone (not fail to tell them for the umpteenth time?)....

LOLLERSKATES!!!1!!1!!one!!!! only joking!

*sighs*

I will possess your heart...

Extreme journal writing on the back of a Chinese bus! Hardcore y'all!

Which you won't appreicate as this was typed at a later date, so instead, here is an ode to July:

Hush now my sweet
although I've lost my feet
under horrific circumstances
from July's empty romances.

do I divide and fall apart?

Waking up in the morning, I received a text from that loveable rogue, Rex, who informed me that I return to the wistful shores of England in 4 weeks. Now I do already know this, but it filled me with a feeling of dead and realisation that I will have to actually stop travelling. Then I was overcome by the same feeling I used to get when I had to go back to school on a cold, damp, grey, english winter's day.

I think I've decided my best plan of action for Japan is to plan my entire stay meticiously, so I make full use of my limited time there. Therefore, I am in need of a Japanese LP, yeah you know me, swigging DC like in 73.

And your face is stupid.

I also had a dream about some girl I met on a train, and we had some sort of whirlwind romance or connection for those few minutes on the train, but then my stop came up and we had a to part company. I woke up feeling quite forlorn and emo.

Sleep comes with a knife, fork and a spoon...

Time for a tech attack in your raptor powered rack. My new Chinese phone, made by unknown manufacturer 'K-Touch' is surprisingly good. The D770, at 80 quid, although feeling cheap, has a 3 mega-pixel camera, large touch sceren, built in telescopic stylus, keypad, motion sensor AND can run 2 sim cards simultanously with no switching required. Great for the gadget whoring backpacker. So I have an English sim and a Chiense sim plugged in there. Comes with 2 batteries, an external battery charger (as well as internal) and an AV cable. Also takes MicroSD cards. AS long as you get someone to swap to English menus it's fine, though the sms dictionary is a bit limited and some error messages are still in chinese. Sim selection is easy and can be done when sending messages and calling. A grand phone and I don't care much about it.

UPDATE: The charger plug is totally mashed and I need a new one. Bum clouds.

Humour

CowboyDan: shit my battery er að renna út
Me: rofl, does english need more electricity?

Well I laughed. Fuck you guys.

erm.

What if I don't come back. What if I don't settle to my cliched computing job in London. what if I find a job where I can travel the world. What if I lose my fear of losing my friends. What if I sing. What if I'm happy with medicore money.

What if I'm alone?

Fun things to do 5x10^37

Write emo captions on lonely planet photos and leave it in a hostel.

Soon we'll be living in the future.

I rock the mic like a hurricane!
because I rock the mic like a hurricane!
because I rock the mic, Hurricane Fresh!

Apparently, as fresh as a milkman on duty, according to some sources. Not only have I betrayed your trust with this blog but I think I've hyperextended my elbow with my backpack, whatever that means and some wack ass excuse for an airport net terminal cranched up my hand. Did I make up the word jank, because no one else I've met while travelling knows it? Pretty janked up if you ask me.

Apart from my general worry about my chinese visa, my main thoughts are revolving around how it sucks to say goodbye and how I'm going to have to do so much at home to keep things interesting. No more shying away from things. Dan if you're a lunatic and reading this, bust me a list of muserific delicaces being served up in brighton from mid-august onwards!

Other related foibels: I'm very behind on my journal and even worse on my blog. My money is quite an issue, I have no clean clothes, I loved vietnam, I need to take more full body photos (not sexy ones you fiesty kittens - well maybe for 10 quid in an envelope slipped in my rear door if you know what I mean, nudge nudge wink wink haddock), my camera is a bit borked again, a flight to Japan from Beijing is 450 sterling and that was totally a lady boy staring at my doojangles!

In further news: Brand New has taken over my life again. My hair is mega long. I got attacked by elbow mossies. I actually remembered to take my doxy poxy cyclone for 3 days in a row. The dude to my right has psycho eyes. I nearly massacred an entire airport today. Air Asia's Xpress boarding is very sexy. I need a China LP. Jesus and Zeus are currently in a nail biting battle on centre court. My new journal is fabric based. I hope my name is Mr Ooh Tik Aw Pahs Heha, as I'd need to go to some incomprehensible location within the confines of Bangkok airport. The world tilts back and pours and pours and so... Diagonal non-escalator walkways are great. I'll never have to buy adjacent plots of land. We'll never have to rot together underneath dust. I'll never have to lose my baby in the crowd. I should be laughing right now....