I found this on my hard drive... I'd forgotten about it. Let me just put on my Lollerskates:

Episodic Photo Reminisicing Content: Episode 3

while catching up with stuff

and telling dan to shh, I was wondering to myself....

Why do I blog?

This question can be split into numerous divisional aspects of conflucting semi-precarious argumentitive agendas defining the very substantial objective analytical conundrum that presented itself forthwith unduely expressed in exotensiable verse. I think:

  1. So I have an outlet to talk random gunf.
  2. So I can record the various sayings I make up. Like gunf. and Cranch.
  3. So if I lose my memory like Unknown White Male dude I can vaguely work out what sort of person I was.... though maybe this would be the worse place to rediscover myself as I may assume I come under the category of "Mentally worrysome and naughty
So in conclusion, I apologise if some posts are just random updates of what I've done. Its not big and its not clever, but it helps me remember. Anyway my loyal readers, I must depart. For I have another post to write, but I'll change the time to pretend I update regularly.

Latest Addiction: Lost... again

I often wonder

how lucky it is I'm moderatly waterproof, especially when we play footie and it completely tips down and soaks us. Still was fun and I fell over enough times to make it worthwhile.
Then we traversed to the twits birthday bbq, which was the yum. And finally we went to the pub, but we were all too tired to do anything of any use.

Tuesday? why yes it did happen, and I drove coli-wobble to Swindon, did some gardening and then drove back all his shizzle. and I got kfc out of it. I like kfc. Which was a coincidence really.

Also some crazy dutch van tried to destroy me on the motorway by swerving from the 3rd lane into the 1st lane, which I happened to be occupying. Luckily my near super-powered reaction time saved everyone involved. Stupid white vans *nods to rex*

Snakes On A Mother-hubbard Plane Y'all

whoa cowboy, now thats an awesome film and 10 thirds. Seriously, go see it. NOW.


Things that were awesomely awesome in the movie:

  • "sporks!?"
  • Trouser Snake
  • Breasticalur attack
  • Tongue snake....
  • The absurdness of how the "I've had it with these motherfucking Snakes..."etc line was put in the film, hilarious.
  • Samuel L Jackson being awesome, and stealing a gun off a dude faster than u can imagine
  • SLJ getting the girl as always
  • Too many to remember
  • Snakes
  • On
  • A
  • Plane

So how, u may ask, did we keep the awesome filmness going? There was only one way really, to ruffle's and to watch Evil Dead 2. Too much uber filmage brain meltage. Whoop.

Episodic Photo Reminisicing Content: Episode 2

whoa boi, thats too much alcohol

for one day, yet highly awesome as well. As one does on a birthday celebration we went to the harvy at 11am for breakfast and started the drinkin sesh, then onwards to london, but not before first finding colin and grabbing a pint from the maxwell (that we had to drink in about 2 minutes).

After a quick stop off in beckenham to go to the box bar and find Claire, we mosyed onwards to london where we went to an awesome rileys, where we pooled, and drank, and met andy and chris, and Sam got the entire place evacuated. *slaps head*

Then onwards to a pizza buffet and then towards the club. Before hand we drank in the pub next door and a few of us accidently went to a gay bar, which was pretty good. Finally we entered the Roxie, which was a bit small for what I expected, but trev assured me there are no big clubs in the entirety of london..... hmm. Still was good nite, me and dan drank a lot of pithcers over all, and everyone was nice and rosy. Most left to get last train, me dan, sam and shing (who kept inserting ice down my trousers!) stayed on a bit and danced the night away. Until it was a night bus time.

I hate the night bus

I really do.

Death to it.

ad finium (whatever that means)

I've decided to run episodic photo reminisicing content from our last time in the Ram in the Exeter. Its so sad *sobs* but there are some of the best photos ever from there, I think I stole them from chloe's camera, so props to her, so...

Episode 1:

and so they ring

and I'm all like "hey guy give me a job" and they're all like, k. Except not quite but u get the gist.


sorry just had to wee, right as I was saying. blargh. getting a job is a lot of hassle, especially when u get randomly interviewedon the phone or just called up at tesco or while driving in torrential rain. Bastards.

More interestingly the Body Mass Index reckons I'm overweight... *pause*... mothertruckers. I score 25.9, and a good score is 18.5-25... I not sure how I manage that really, I suspect my bones are made of lead.... wait... or adamantium. Well uber my schnizel and called me Simon.

Some more interesting information, of the top 10 best selling games of ALL time, every single one is made by Nintendo. And every single one is 2D. The biggest selling one is Super Mario Bros for the Nes, and it sold 40.24 million. The closet 3D game is Grand Turismo 3 with just 14.36million. More info here

and just cos you love it so:
Japanease pwning themselves:

Random Quote:
Kitty: "Logan are you sure? There's a whole CITY coming down on us"?
Wolverine: "Yeah, I killed a city one time. Funny story"

Just for danu

The Silent Library - Japanese have to be crazy but silent.

oh and how to scare girls 101

first of all I'd like to sa....oooh

my screen's gone urine coloured. 10 bonus points! interesting

anyway, I feel the "powers that be" are smiling upon me today, I ended up at the gym and was like shizzle-pops, I've forgot a quid for the lockers. I went into the changing rooms and the bench I sat at had a quid on it. How cunningly convienient.

Me? The 5th duke of lazypants, apply for a job? surely not? well maybe. I not entirely sure, the site confused me, shush.

Golf yesterday was awesome, not only did dan manage to hit himself with his own ball in the driving range, but I managed to convert a golf club into a pimp stick in one swift action. Not only this but it also resulted in the head of a golf club flying further than the golf ball. We then proved out skills were not gonna improve very soon as we tackled the 9 hole course in about 3 hours. In fact we were worn out by the 5th hole, so the only solution was down the pub with ad and russ. Much drinkin etc ensued and we all lived happily ever after.

Link Attack!
links you say? well check out this new song by weird al, called Don't Download This Song
Buy a ninja-slaying cross bow!
WTmotherF... what about the pineapples!?
jealous of my penis?(or in fact any penis owning individual). Be green no longer!
those crazy japanese and er...chocoparty?

Random Quote
'I think its only buddism that wants selflessness. But then they spend so much time trying to get to personal enlightenment I can't help but feel thats selfish' - thats me baby


pah, not if I don't have to!

I hate myspace

There you go I said it. It sucks. and SUCKS. and SUCK SUCK SUCKY SUCKS.

and here is why:

it is crap...

and every single myspace site is an amalgmation of horrendous design, font colours u can't read cos of the back ground, flashing crap and just general crap crap crap crap. I just don't see why or how "bad design" has caught on. Make it readable!!!!

*breathes* and now a joke:

Why do Snakes on a Plane?

your right I didn't really think the joke through, and i not even sure I gonna post this post. *giggles* I think raffle was right about my overdosing on strepsils (or at least generic non-brand alternatives) as being a bad thing. or did I say that?

someone help my brain :(

nrghle - just cranched myself

ah well, I need to finish my CV by 12, so I can send it to some fools in Exeter and they can all be like "hey guy, we already told you ur cv is good, now u've gone and hacked it up, you go to hell, you got to hell and you die."

Anyone noticed the weather is crummy. I have. I also noticed I never say crummy. But I should do more. Dangermouse COMPLETE!!1!11!eleven!! box set (12 DVD) for 29.99.

There's no real point to this blog. In its entirety in fact, but I was tired of my CV. Here's a song about it:

oh, Curriculum Vitae
your touch is a poise so unique
oh, Curriculum Vitae

I really don't like writing you because obviously I have too many skills to warrant just two pages which the careers advisors always tell you to use but you know I want to make sure my prospective employees really know all about me in case I miss something important out and then they're all like "hey guy you smell go back to bedfordshire" and then I'd be all like "what I don't come from there" and they'd be like "oh yeah ur not Dick A. round sorry about that, still you suck" and then I'd just know it was my cv and I should have spent another hour on it instead of writing a blog about nothing, but oh well what I guess I'm trying to say is
oh, Curriculum Vitae
you stink.


So it would appear that a DS lite is way to distracting to be had anywhere near Tom. Also my eyes are melting....MELTING!!!!

Moving swiftly on it appears I've been doing my CV, man its hard, on a scale of 1 to "dammit why do I have so much to say and too many words to say it in", its around 7. Luckily I worked out how I used to work hard - thats right children its time to crack out the chilled out CDs, and acid Jazz.

Tom's Musical Guide Vol 2: Music To Work To

  • Sunday Morning Songs
  • Quiet Night In... Stay In Chill Out
  • The Very Best of Acid Jazz
  • Mr Scruff
  • Norah Jones
  • Jack Johnson
  • Jose Gonzalez
  • Lemon Jelly
Tho I dunno how effective they really are as I'm doing my blog and not working, but I missed Sunday chillout sessions. btw on friday we went to london, some dope burgering at Garfunkels at leicester square and then on to O'neils at china town. Man I hate O'neils - nice guiness tho.

Party diskothek this weekend for the Twits birthday, tho hopefully Golf on tuesday wit Danu, if we sort it like the cunning Bums we are. To the job market ->

or not.

News Flash: Preliminary reports suggest...

I used to be small and cute:

Holy Freakin' Whoa man!

Doughnut Maker (7 Donuts) - £9.99 + £3.95 delivery

you, at the back

yes you, suggest a title for this blog post. *sigh* oh nevermind.

you know those days when u end up paying 18 quid a minute for a quick oral? Me to, happened to me today, and the climax was exactly as I expected. Dentist was just like "hey guy, stop your teeth hacking up my eyes with their awesomeness". haw haw bet you thought I was talking about dirty dirty whore blow jobs... well I wasn't.... yeah...told you. look a racoon!

oki dammit I admit it, the main reason I go on youtube is to check if cocoanino has posted a new blog. Damn she is really really fine and cute and nice. *shakes fist at the world* I need a girlfriend. Preferably without me having to do anything. Like bake cakes. Or train cats. Or sew hats. natch.

Anyone hear of Paramore? they be cool, tho sound a bit like Avril Lavigne, but they're allowed to be cool cos they havn't "made it" yet. The Feeling - Never Be Lonely, is an awesome song as well. Note it down in your text books children.

A link you cry out for? hmm. awesome chandler outtakes, made me chuckle, now away with thee!

Random Quote

"Obsess over love, and love an obsession, but never lust after anything" - possibly made up by me.

B-b-b-baby, I think I'm going c-c-c-crazy

well indeed. Today I have mostly been waiting in bromley for my car to be serviced, which was quite relaxing and I even got round to writing an update letter to relatives and it turns out I can in fact write in a mature and mild-mannered way, as not once did I mention:

  • my raving alcoholism (this is a joke future employers!)
  • narf
  • hats
  • cakes
  • or even the word cunning
I know that may disappoint some people, but well... shh.

I also got my DS Lite and ADSL wireless router today, which was moderatly nice. Except I have no games for my DS Lite, so its usefulness is on par with me. Major bummer on its part.

Not only all of this but Youtube has been down for quite a lot of today and has only just gone up again. dammit I thought of loads of bloggable content and now can't remember any of it. Stupid dentist tomorrow. On top of all of that I need to get more friends...

At least they're not lonely
At least they're not lonely
They'll never be lonely

once again I have conquered

over the ever dangerous battle between me and my pc. In an attempt to fix one thing I broke it. Cunningly I fixed it. Nuff said, I won't bore you with the heroic details.

I should really get a job. stupid pc breaking. I bought a wireless router as well, our modem has bust cakes. Plus you know, Ds lite and all that. whoop.

more later, I need a coffee, nrgh

The Far2Narf introduction to internet memes

Unfortunatly I often get sucked into many an internet meme and oddity. Now some people may not know all of these. If you're wondering what an internet meme is exactly, well I can't explain. But its something, normally a video, that EXPLODES on the internet and has people talking about it for ages. Below are quite a few that I can remember... mostly youtuble

oki so I'm bored now and I'm sure there were a lot more funny ones. meh cakes.

old but funnie ish

Mac vs PC ads...

makes me chuckle a bit...but this is better

my view? Macs are like living in a totalitarian dictatorship. PCs are like living in a disease infested rubbish tip. pan -> fire

uber...yes uber



so someone made me addicted to youtube. which made me ponder my ultimate quest once more to create a video blog. However, not only am I less so photogenic (or videogenic) but I fear I'll have nothing to say, or comically do.

would be awesome tho. So comments, suggestions?

kewl photo of tungsten so put that in ur pipe and smoke it.

I've been mainly looking for undiscovered islands, to conquer, on Google Maps, and I wanna know what this island is called and why its blue! It can't be healthy by any means, I have found out tho that the island of Kiribati (with a population of just over 99,000) has passed a controversial law allowing the goverment to shut down papers. Naughty naughty people.

k fools I've found one, Saint Paul Island, or Île Saint-Paul. Its no more than 3 miles across and has a cabin. Furthermore there is meant to be jewish gold and diamonds there. bonus really. Adventurers wanting to join my expedition should write to me stating why and how naked they're prepared to get. good show.

News Flash!

Beard lost in hair-brained scheme!
This morning local peasent shave, Tom Barker lost his beard in a bizarre set of circumstances. He seemed non-plussed saying that he had "beard there done that" to which we pointed out "thats a very beard pun", to which he replied "it was a close shave". Did his religious belief help him through? "well Jesus shaves" was his reply. A eye witness claimed "I like beards they grow on you". Police say they will comb the local area and sift through the stubble. In the mean time Mr Barker only has his razer sharp wit to avoid a further brush with the law.

man I crack my self up... *sigh*....onwards!

Plagiarism of the day:
plagiarised from Adam

Ponderment for the day:
Why is most of the Snakes on a Plane soundtrack remixed emo songs?

Musikcal post: Part 1

so I was pondipulating how to best abuse my position of power and fame. So I'd thought I'd list my fave albums in the past 12 months (that I can remember) - most came out within those months, some didn't, can ya dig it?... only if a remarkably good spade is on hand:

The Academy Is - Almost Here
Alkaline Trio - Crimson
Arctic Monkeys - Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not
Fall Out Boy - From Under The Cork Tree
Imogen Heap - Speak For Yourself and I Megaphone
Jack Johnson - In Between Dreams
José González - Veneer
The Kooks - Inside In/Inside Out
Lemon Jelly - '64-'95
Lostprophets - Liberation Transmission
MC Lars - The Graduate
Ministry of Sound's: Clubbers Guide 2006
Mr Scruff - Trouser Jazz and Keep It Unreal
Panic! At The Disco - A Fever You Can't Sweat Out
Sunday Morning Songs

comments, suggestions, cats?


Goggles :: The Google Maps flight sim

so it would appear

I am growing a beard, and/or stubble of sorts to become ruggedly handsome. I personally think my laziness has reached new levels but don't tell me that. I have wrote a haiku about it though

Beard not so cat like?
Ha, I laugh not at your throat
but the grass between

by popular concensus it was decided I should have wrote a sonnet, similar to this selection of phrases I did once conjur in rhyming rhythmn to the beat. Hotel, Motel, Holiday Inn....

Today's Disadvantage of Fans: They dry your eye juice up. Bastards.

Rex appears to be moving tomorrow. We've so far had 2 au revoir meals at the Harvey. Well ya can't resist Grill night. tho in fact most ppl did....

I bought a DS by conning hmv out of money...or vice versa I'm not sure.

This might be funny... but probably not. I just think people who can pull off saying freakin' are moderatly dope

Random Quote:

"My god you look rugged" - mother....

Holy Moly!!!

Mike gets a new office!

man you know what I hate

when u go on a site and ur forced to listen to some random song, which normally clashes with my current song and my depth perception and inner ear get screwed up and I end up on the floor....normally shaking my booty.... to the rythmn to the beat. natch.

Also after conducting a variety of grueling surveys and experiments it has come to my attention I don't in fact have a girlfriend. I have come up with a (insert unknown number here) step action plan:

1) Grow my "Care Bear" beard
2) To the Gym
3) ?????
4) PROFIT!!1!!11!!!!!eleven!!11

lollerskates really.

Weekend Round up: Much chilled and awesome nite at dans where we drank, and were merry, and were impressed by his new house (apart from the chandellears too low), and played some crazy ps2 quiz game, and not sleeping anywhere near enough for normal humans.

Back by popular demand

or just the fact I remembered it.

THE MIKE SOUND BOARD - for all your phone pranking pranks.

oh yes....

how instincively noodlie

A quick cool from my homeboy Ad (on thursday) and we were down the noodle house faster than a sheep on a roundabout powered by a skooter. Then some chilling guinesses down the pub, nice relaxing evening, good show ole chaps.

Think I forgot to post this out, this is how to screw with ppl nabbing your net (techy)

Update: Anyone remember me getting particularly annoyed that Amanda Congdon was kicked out of Rocketboom, well I have to say the replacement is pretty good. helps she's british, pretty hot and quite fiesty. check it out if u havn't yet.

Snakes on a Mo'fing Plane Y'all

Samuel L. Jackson @ MTV Movie Awards

if this film ain't awesome.... I will be quite preturbed

Oki: serious post

I've been meaning to write this post for a while now but I wanted to get my Blog fully up-to-date before I did. And i have. So brace yourself people.

A while ago I found out some bad news about my Dad, I found it out a few weeks, maybe a month or so ago and told a few people but then decided it may be best to let other people know via this, because I know how difficult it is to find what to say if someone says something like this to you. Don't think your any more or less of a friend if you don't know, I was just telling people on spur of the moment if they mentioned my dad.

So, about 2 months ago, possibly, my Dad got told he has 6-18months to live because they've exhausted all options to get rid of his cancer that keeps coming back. I don't want to be all mopey about this, and also don't wanna be like hiding my feelings as I hear thats how people go insane. Hopefully people havn't noticed any change in me in past month, which is good, cos I'm surprisingly not too worried about it. I was for the first few minutes I was told but then decided well my dad doesn't want me to stop living my life because of him.

So Happiness people, I'm not allowing comments on this post so people don't feel like they have to say something. Chin up ya scallywags ;)

on a lighter note, YES GODAMMIT, I have finished updating this blog. Now I can find a job (I decided doing a masters was just a way to avoid me getting off my ass and applying for jobs)

Also check out the professional Graduation Ball photos (at bottom of page) not bad apart from the ones when I forget to smile :P


damn my indecisiveness, This morning I wanted to go into the Games Industry. Now this evening I confused over whether I wanna get a job, get a masters or go travelling (again). Its all very annoying. Stupid fickle brain.

On a more organised note I've decided to put aside 10 quid a week towards the nintendo wii, which could get released as early as October 2nd. Then again I may not buy it. I need a job.

check out MC Lars, he's got a new album out (the graduate). Here's his video to the song, Download This Song

On a modelling note, I am now a Gay Model for Esquire.... oh no wait the other thing, I've downloaded a freeware open source 3D modelling package called blender. Bet you're glad you know that now.

General Ramblings and Observations by Tom of Earth: a cryptic emotionally-driven look into the life of times of the infamous sock wearer, gadget-whore, unintentional blasphemer, hypocrite, servant of Xenu, Pastafarian, absurdist and thantophobic...without me, its just aweso

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