The Far2Narf Awards

Hey, I'm sad, wotcha gonna do about it? The Nominations:

Top sites with original content:

Top Media Sites:
Live Plasma

Top tube-collecting sites:
Boing Boing

Top Humour Site:
Idiot Toys

Top Online Applications


Best Blog:
Developer's Year
Mike's Blog
Rachel's Blog
Rex's Travel Blog

Danu Birthday

I really wish I had some photos from this extravaganza but I always forget to bring out anything with a complementary metal–oxide–semiconductor or charge-coupled device. Needless to say it was an excellent night, which began at 12 where we hit up some pool action at an empty Victoria I.Q. (fake rileys). Where we (twits, rex and I) met up with shing, hess and dan. After a few pints we transmufontenated to Beckenham to watch I Am Legend and meet everyone else, where we nearly drowned in people. Luckily Colin was on the ball and had booked us tickets.

Overall, the film was a bit disappointing, I think it was probably good, but the ending was a bit of an anti-climax, and I felt like far more should have happened. Seeing places in New York I recognised, totally deserted was awesome though, especially washington square where I met Erika once or twice, very odd. We then hit up the Slug and Lettuce, where a few fools had strawberry beer (frulis) and I mocked them when they didn't like it. I also ended up drinking most of Shing's crazy coffee flavoured cocktail, in a few poncy glass. After wards, Tracey saved us all by bringing a map with curry restaurants on, as our one of choice looked a bit suspicious and possibly close. Much food later, and meeting ruffle in there, we traversed to our favourite pub, The Goose. Where many drinks were had, Dan was forced drink terrible concoctions that should never be mixed again, and we all jovially passed the time.

After it was time at the bar, we all staggered out, and dan found an excellent chinese calender in a bin, which I learned later her resorted to licking on the train home. I didn't see this however, as Ad, Russ and I thought it would be fantastic to go to O'neils rather than go home, even though everytime we say we won't. The main issue before entering was that Ad and I didn't realise quite how drunk sir Ruffle of drink-a-lot was. But after 2 shots each at the O'neils bar, and russ being mostly horizontal for the rest of the time, we realised that his liver might go pop. Excellent fun though, we sung at the tops of our voices to some cheese tunes, like living on a prayer, and then a bar woman was passing us and I saw her look at ruffle. Her look was such that I said to guys "dude's we gotta leave" and sure enough we were being escorted/thrown out of the pub, though we were extremely good natured and understanding about it. Especially with russ trying to get the bouncer to say he'd "thrown him out so he looked cool", the guy just looked bemused. Taxi home was 25 coins of the pound, and everyone was slightly worried ruffle would "spill his load" or something, over the car, but to his credit he kept it in.

Good night, excellently humourous ending,

Racoon Pony
Your fur is so soft
Racoon Pony
And hooters made of cloth
Racoon Pony
You teeth are oh so clean
Racoon Pony
And taste like minted spleen
Racoon Pony
You send shivers down my spine
Racoon Pony
You live in 2 dimensional time
Racoon Pony
You sex is undecided
Racoon Pony
Which leaves your fans divided
Racoon Pony
You smell of discontent
Racoon Pony
And you owe me last month's rent
Racoon Pony
You were sent from outer space
Racoon Pony
you're an expert in reconstructive plastic surgery, specifically to the face.

to the tune of
"Racoon Pony"


To Bromley

Twits, I and Trev James went to Bromley today with one eye on the sales and the other eye in a pint of beer. So naturally as we got off the bus we wandered into the slug and lettuce for a pint and lunch. My choriza and chicken penne pasta was extremely good, but Ad's Thai Green Curry smelled what I expect a imaginary utopia to smell like. Trev then shouted varying names at a guy he claimed to know but then was completely blanked and we cracked up. I mean James. After bouncing between varying shops, where I stopped myself buying games, and everyone else sucked at buying clothes we gave up with the awfulness of shops such as Next, and strode into spoons. For a beer. Then we took the bus back which had a high quantity of people who metaphorically resembled penises. Upon arrival in the town which has nothing in, we fell back into the Harvey, consumed a pint and then gat up the Noodle House for some food. Yum. We then forced ourselves home so we stopped drinking and eating.

At home I completed the Simpsons Game which concludes with an awesome dance dance revolution battle with God, where you fight against the Praystation, Exodus Box and the Hii. God is portrayed as a proper lazy gamer, tis very funny, and all to the tune of the Scorpians - Rocking Like A Hurricane. I then went on to play far too much Assassin's Creed into the wee hours of the night, as I got addicted to achievements. Stupid world. Stupid microsoft. Stupid lack of sleep.

Box In my Day

After a frightful amount of gaming in the past week it was decided we should find an alternative activity to pass the days, so it was suggested we hit up the Queens Head dans la Green St Green. Unfortunately, we got confused, and I wandered into Gamestation where I got two copies of mass effect and colin raped the pre-owned section with his wallet. We then accidentally wandered in to the Harvey, at about 3pm. We then drank.

When it was food time we attempted to find some place to eat in Orpington, the town which only consists of restaurants and charity shops, yet somehow all of them were shut. So we went back to the pub. And ate. And drank. Then it was the end of time and we went home. Me, and the twits fail at many things. Hopefully tomorrow our skills of planning will come into play, and we'll beat the world at it's own game.

I was happily merry though, so that was good enough.

Happy Christmas you crazy bastards

Hope everyone had fun and was not involved in any form of genocide, thievery or politically motivated chocolate scandals. I was thinking about creating a profound christmas message similar to how the Queen lays it down each year, but I decided it wouldn't matter what I said anyway, plus it would increase my tally of "advice I don't follow myself". However, I'll jam these words into your over-stuffed throbbing cortexes, even though many people may declare me sir Wrong of Wrong-a-lot with a degree in Wronging from the University of Incorrectus.

These days, the Christmas holidays, and even Christmas day itself is not a solely religious holiday anymore, just as it began many moons ago as the crazy winter solstice or some other festival, many people just celebrate the idea of celebrating. Celebrate in the commercialism, and the stories of santa, and reindeer, and turkey, and television, and queen speeches, and good will and peace. And the point is. Thats. Not. Wrong. Neither is celebrating a purely christian Christmas. Or celebrating a version of Christmas if you're of another faith or have no faith or even follow the Flying Spaghetti Monster. The "holiday season" as some politically correct folk like to call it, though as we're English we'll call it Christmas, has far exceeded religious encompassment, which although many people cry foul about I don't think it's bad. This isn't some rant about religion being evil or anything, it's just Christmas has become a time for generic enjoyment and everyone needs a bit of that.

Well that sounded all far too profound and rambling. Hush now.

Just watched Love Actually again, and it was like that time I learnt Portuguese and had to give up my left face for the chance to tell my soul mate, who had aids, and had been hit by a car that was keeping her insides in, that I love her, except it turned out she was cheating on me with the paramedic, and then our kid got the plague and fell for a street urchin who turned out to be the prime minister's pet dog's mother's keeper's nephew in law.

I seriously love, Love Actually.

Hey you crazy half squirrel half internet created monstrosities

Why I love the internets:

Crimbo Gathering

Another excellent gathering at the house of Rex de Whistable. I made a miraculous recovery from the edge of certain death, battled my man flu down, banished the dolphin death, and as pete said "at least its not aids". I picked up herbs from mr and mrs Smith and proceed to collect Cory and followed Susie the wrong stupid damn way to the m25. Luckily she behaved from there on and was moderately plain sailing to the land of air born sea salt. After I pretended to be of some use while actually just wandering between rooms, we proceeded to wait for various amounts of people to turn up, until the entire posse, as you see us above, arrived triumphantly. Slightly depleted from last year due to a poor show from James and Beth, and Ruffle being slave driven by Game.

As the light was drawing in we ambled down to a pub at the bottom of the hill, which was rather dandy, and we jovially quaffed a few pints and mocked my apparent gay antics at various parties previous. The irony was palpable as Ad mounted me once more (see above). After a bit Rex, Ad and Cory went back to prepare dinner, which was jolly nice of them, and we continued with the alcohol, though we were quite laid back and only had about 3 pints each. On returning we were met with excellent cuisine in the form of Chicken Tagine, I think. Was very nice and we all munched hungrily before Secret Santa time.

With expert skillery I managed not only to please my victim, but also make it appear like it wasn't me who gave it, and hence stayed sensually anonymous. I received an awesome extreme travel survival book with various step by step guides to jump from roof to roof, controlling a run away camel and jumping from moving trains etc as well as alcohol in the form of Guiness. People know me too well.

The rest of the night was spent with very moderate drinking, eating an awesome choccy cheesecake made by Shing and excessive playing of Guitar Hero 3 which proved to be most fun. Though quite harrowing on the soul at points, and not a very good drinking game, especially as our Carlsberg tasted like tainted poo-water. No matter, at about 2/3 we all went to sleep, and I drifted off smugly in my 10 tog double duvet. Then awoke to the snoring of Colin, Shing and Adam, surprise surprise. Wasn't too bad though, and I soon punched them to death.

In the morning, after some COD4, we got a frickin' nice and big breakfast in a restaurant under a bridge. Black pudding is excellent. We then trundled back, drove home and I'm sure I did something fascinating for the rest of the evening. Oh yeah, I went through Guitar Hero 3 on medium, using a normal 360 controller.... which mashed up my hands. More importantly it mashed up my vision, causing everything to appear like it was liquid and moving. Quite scary.

So ill....

Fever, body temperature dropping, death likely.


Don't waste a taste my basket case

Well thank you Jade Raymond. You have caused me to waste an entire day by playing Assassin's Creed until the wee hours, i.e. 4am. This then broke my face and my alarm waking up skillery, so I got out of bed at 2pm. I have then spent the day doing nothing of any point, which is quite unfortunate.

Even when I went to Sta Travel yesterday nothing much was sorted as their system was broke, but Andy C is going email me a draft itinerary, which is jolly nice. I should probably organise my jabs as well, but no doubt I shall dilly dally for a while and not doing that. Why do I always resort to Magic FM when trying to find decent music on the radio?

Hey look Mike, Mac OS X had 5 times as many vulnerabilities as XP + Vista combined.

Following the traditional of throwing links at you until you die, check out Travelodges giving away free rooms to couples called Mary & Joseph. Also: an excellence comedical rap video, which quite a soul swinging, jazz fingering sound. Talking of fingering I shall leave you, with this amazing video of a guy finger dancing, as such, to a daft punk track:

And an alternative more titillating version.


I woke up at 7am. This may come as a shock, but I am in fact being productive, listening to Christmas t00nes and wrapping presents. Woo. Except this isn't productive. How do you wrap a wine bottle?!

Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare is seriously good, though I'm warned it's short. After yesterday's coffee session I had some serious trouble staying alive and not looking like a heroine addict going through cold turkey with late stage Parkinson's. So much so, that I think I scared the girl in Smith's when I tried to hand my credit card over and my hand was shaking all over the place. Good times, I solved it with a tuna baguette and a bread pudding. Yum.

Smart arse reasons why I chose the best console: Part 5341

Yes children, from my lovely perch of superiority I once more have discovered even more proof that the xbox 360 is better than the PS3 for all games so far. Look, if you will, at the two videos below, comparing half-life 2 and Portal on both consoles. Marvel at how the 360 has shorted load times, better frame rates, and the graphics are at least the same, if not better than the PS3:

All hail me, my smugness and everything else that doesn't involve homo-erotic behavior when drunk.

via joystiq

Reactions to my antics on Saturday:

Tommeh: I blame you for me drinking a crate and a half of beer at a party filled with predominately gay men...
Pete: Don't blame me for you being violated by a burly homo named Manuel, you bring these things upon yourself

Shing: he did like u
Tommeh: it reminds me of the time when the gods showered me with terrible rage and vengence

Tommeh: your photos hurt my soul
Shing: now would tht be poor quality of pics or compromising positions?
Tommeh: surprisingly my concern about the quality of afformentioned pix is somewhat minor, compared to all other concerns I have
Tommeh: mainly the fact that such photos exist and of course compromising positions
Tommeh: death to all

Tommeh: never let me get drunk in a party where the majority of people are gay dudes
Sapphic: o.O
Sapphic: you should probably avoid getting drunk in France

Sapphic: aww, but you're so amusing when inebriated
Tommeh: amusing/half crazed/horrendous in hindsight/homo-erotic

Adam: i fucking hate you
Adam: go to a party with no manliness such as me there
Adam: and you get some cracker fool riding you like its the grand national

I should warn you all now

I'm doing christmas cards this year, take that you crazy people of card giving uncertainty. I think if I lay out a blanket of card fire, I have less chance of not giving a card to someone who gives me one.

Guess where I am? That's right, volunteering down the salvation army... if by Salvation Army you mean costa coffee, and if by volunteering you mean drinking vast quantities of caffeine while trying to justify my trip to the high street not just to buy Call of Duty 4 cheap. And Graw for 7.99. Mythras loves me.

So, my to do list is now so long I can't remember what was at the top when I'm reading the bottom, I have managed to book a Sta Travel appointment for tomorrow though. Damn, I should probably go to the dentist. *adds that* There's now 29 items!!! Though one of them is "watch Audrey Hepburn films." Although I love this journal for writing in, it's not designed optimally for stickmen doodling due to it's narrowness, and height above the table. And I forgot my loyal Rhino doodle book (circa 4th year Exeter). God I miss Exeter. I have a list in here of things I miss that I may emofect you all with at a later date when I've thought of more things to add to it so it seems I don't actually wander around in a catatonic mental state where I rarely remember to miss stuff unless I stop to think. I'd like to think it was "living in the present" but it's probably just severe cognitive mental damage.

Talking of times when coffee made me slightly woozy and jittery. That would be now then...

Oh, hello

Sorry I just popped out for a bit - to America - but I'm back now kids. I haven't been outside since Wednesday! This is quite an achievement, helped in part by Altair, large timezone confusion and a large list of tv shows to watch. I must venture outside now, for there is alcohol and presents to be found in many a hovel and grotto. More later my loyal yet slightly pedantic readers, I am free from the shackles of a swearless politically correct blog, mwahaha, fuck you white boy! Oh wait....

It might appear that I've built a fort out of my bed, a towel and some clothes but that would be taking liabilities with your imagination... mmm fort. Man, I love forts, does anyone remember the epic tent/fort we made in my room in the first year? That was most excellent.

New dude above me told me off for being dangerous (this surprisingly isn't related to the fort), but I'm not gonna tell you what I did, so that an air of mystery remains about this blog.

Note To Tom:

Write a program for copying between blogs using this cunning api guide. In this manner you shall win the world, and be able to import Ameriland to here, crowning you king of the Blogasphere, and dethroning Cory Doctrow from his balloon fortress in the sky.

A Lesson To Be Learned

Okay kids, I know I'm not meant to be blogging on here really, but I have a techie rant. Who here uses Internet Exploiter Explorer? If you put your hands up, firstly why? I can't see you, and secondly, you good sir or madam, are a fool. Let's take this case example:

The hostel I am currently in uses Internet Explorer, a mixture of the latest one and an earlier version (I can't remember the numbers). Anyway, on the latest version, it managed to ENTIRELY destroy the computer from the inside out, and the guy had to do some crazy remote restarting of the computer, and that didn't even work. Then I moved to this machine, where it has an older non-tabbed IE, well just handling one webpage was apparently too much for it, so it promptly crashed after about 6 minutes. Now, although Firefox may take up your's, your mum's and your entire neighbourhood's RAM sometimes, at least it doesn't crash as much. At least for me. Then again I seem to be able to make everything crash. Case example:

On the Virgin Atlantic plane over to the states, they have an awesome computer thing in the back of each seat where u can choose films, tv shows to watch, radio stations to listen to and games to play, as well as see where in the world the plan is on a map. Well obviously, as I was using it, in a humourous yet predictable event I crashed it in the most amazing manner, the error message on the black linux screen than came up was:

Kernal panic: Attempt to kill init.

The woman was quite good natured about my destructive nature towards computers, yet my suggestion of "recompiling the kernal" didn't help matters... So the point to this post can be divided into two main thrusting elements:

1) Internet Explorer is the poorest coded, clunky heap of junk for browsing the internet
2) I rulz teh 'puterz!

General Ramblings and Observations by Tom of Earth: a cryptic emotionally-driven look into the life of times of the infamous sock wearer, gadget-whore, unintentional blasphemer, hypocrite, servant of Xenu, Pastafarian, absurdist and thantophobic...without me, its just aweso

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