The Far2Narf Awards

Hey, I'm sad, wotcha gonna do about it? The Nominations:

Top sites with original content:

Top Media Sites:
Live Plasma

Top tube-collecting sites:
Boing Boing

Top Humour Site:
Idiot Toys

Top Online Applications


Best Blog:
Developer's Year
Mike's Blog
Rachel's Blog
Rex's Travel Blog

Danu Birthday

I really wish I had some photos from this extravaganza but I always forget to bring out anything with a complementary metal–oxide–semiconductor or charge-coupled device. Needless to say it was an excellent night, which began at 12 where we hit up some pool action at an empty Victoria I.Q. (fake rileys). Where we (twits, rex and I) met up with shing, hess and dan. After a few pints we transmufontenated to Beckenham to watch I Am Legend and meet everyone else, where we nearly drowned in people. Luckily Colin was on the ball and had booked us tickets.

Overall, the film was a bit disappointing, I think it was probably good, but the ending was a bit of an anti-climax, and I felt like far more should have happened. Seeing places in New York I recognised, totally deserted was awesome though, especially washington square where I met Erika once or twice, very odd. We then hit up the Slug and Lettuce, where a few fools had strawberry beer (frulis) and I mocked them when they didn't like it. I also ended up drinking most of Shing's crazy coffee flavoured cocktail, in a few poncy glass. After wards, Tracey saved us all by bringing a map with curry restaurants on, as our one of choice looked a bit suspicious and possibly close. Much food later, and meeting ruffle in there, we traversed to our favourite pub, The Goose. Where many drinks were had, Dan was forced drink terrible concoctions that should never be mixed again, and we all jovially passed the time.

After it was time at the bar, we all staggered out, and dan found an excellent chinese calender in a bin, which I learned later her resorted to licking on the train home. I didn't see this however, as Ad, Russ and I thought it would be fantastic to go to O'neils rather than go home, even though everytime we say we won't. The main issue before entering was that Ad and I didn't realise quite how drunk sir Ruffle of drink-a-lot was. But after 2 shots each at the O'neils bar, and russ being mostly horizontal for the rest of the time, we realised that his liver might go pop. Excellent fun though, we sung at the tops of our voices to some cheese tunes, like living on a prayer, and then a bar woman was passing us and I saw her look at ruffle. Her look was such that I said to guys "dude's we gotta leave" and sure enough we were being escorted/thrown out of the pub, though we were extremely good natured and understanding about it. Especially with russ trying to get the bouncer to say he'd "thrown him out so he looked cool", the guy just looked bemused. Taxi home was 25 coins of the pound, and everyone was slightly worried ruffle would "spill his load" or something, over the car, but to his credit he kept it in.

Good night, excellently humourous ending,

Racoon Pony
Your fur is so soft
Racoon Pony
And hooters made of cloth
Racoon Pony
You teeth are oh so clean
Racoon Pony
And taste like minted spleen
Racoon Pony
You send shivers down my spine
Racoon Pony
You live in 2 dimensional time
Racoon Pony
You sex is undecided
Racoon Pony
Which leaves your fans divided
Racoon Pony
You smell of discontent
Racoon Pony
And you owe me last month's rent
Racoon Pony
You were sent from outer space
Racoon Pony
you're an expert in reconstructive plastic surgery, specifically to the face.

to the tune of
"Racoon Pony"


To Bromley

Twits, I and Trev James went to Bromley today with one eye on the sales and the other eye in a pint of beer. So naturally as we got off the bus we wandered into the slug and lettuce for a pint and lunch. My choriza and chicken penne pasta was extremely good, but Ad's Thai Green Curry smelled what I expect a imaginary utopia to smell like. Trev then shouted varying names at a guy he claimed to know but then was completely blanked and we cracked up. I mean James. After bouncing between varying shops, where I stopped myself buying games, and everyone else sucked at buying clothes we gave up with the awfulness of shops such as Next, and strode into spoons. For a beer. Then we took the bus back which had a high quantity of people who metaphorically resembled penises. Upon arrival in the town which has nothing in, we fell back into the Harvey, consumed a pint and then gat up the Noodle House for some food. Yum. We then forced ourselves home so we stopped drinking and eating.

At home I completed the Simpsons Game which concludes with an awesome dance dance revolution battle with God, where you fight against the Praystation, Exodus Box and the Hii. God is portrayed as a proper lazy gamer, tis very funny, and all to the tune of the Scorpians - Rocking Like A Hurricane. I then went on to play far too much Assassin's Creed into the wee hours of the night, as I got addicted to achievements. Stupid world. Stupid microsoft. Stupid lack of sleep.

Box In my Day

After a frightful amount of gaming in the past week it was decided we should find an alternative activity to pass the days, so it was suggested we hit up the Queens Head dans la Green St Green. Unfortunately, we got confused, and I wandered into Gamestation where I got two copies of mass effect and colin raped the pre-owned section with his wallet. We then accidentally wandered in to the Harvey, at about 3pm. We then drank.

When it was food time we attempted to find some place to eat in Orpington, the town which only consists of restaurants and charity shops, yet somehow all of them were shut. So we went back to the pub. And ate. And drank. Then it was the end of time and we went home. Me, and the twits fail at many things. Hopefully tomorrow our skills of planning will come into play, and we'll beat the world at it's own game.

I was happily merry though, so that was good enough.

Happy Christmas you crazy bastards

Hope everyone had fun and was not involved in any form of genocide, thievery or politically motivated chocolate scandals. I was thinking about creating a profound christmas message similar to how the Queen lays it down each year, but I decided it wouldn't matter what I said anyway, plus it would increase my tally of "advice I don't follow myself". However, I'll jam these words into your over-stuffed throbbing cortexes, even though many people may declare me sir Wrong of Wrong-a-lot with a degree in Wronging from the University of Incorrectus.

These days, the Christmas holidays, and even Christmas day itself is not a solely religious holiday anymore, just as it began many moons ago as the crazy winter solstice or some other festival, many people just celebrate the idea of celebrating. Celebrate in the commercialism, and the stories of santa, and reindeer, and turkey, and television, and queen speeches, and good will and peace. And the point is. Thats. Not. Wrong. Neither is celebrating a purely christian Christmas. Or celebrating a version of Christmas if you're of another faith or have no faith or even follow the Flying Spaghetti Monster. The "holiday season" as some politically correct folk like to call it, though as we're English we'll call it Christmas, has far exceeded religious encompassment, which although many people cry foul about I don't think it's bad. This isn't some rant about religion being evil or anything, it's just Christmas has become a time for generic enjoyment and everyone needs a bit of that.

Well that sounded all far too profound and rambling. Hush now.

Just watched Love Actually again, and it was like that time I learnt Portuguese and had to give up my left face for the chance to tell my soul mate, who had aids, and had been hit by a car that was keeping her insides in, that I love her, except it turned out she was cheating on me with the paramedic, and then our kid got the plague and fell for a street urchin who turned out to be the prime minister's pet dog's mother's keeper's nephew in law.

I seriously love, Love Actually.

Hey you crazy half squirrel half internet created monstrosities

Why I love the internets:

Crimbo Gathering

Another excellent gathering at the house of Rex de Whistable. I made a miraculous recovery from the edge of certain death, battled my man flu down, banished the dolphin death, and as pete said "at least its not aids". I picked up herbs from mr and mrs Smith and proceed to collect Cory and followed Susie the wrong stupid damn way to the m25. Luckily she behaved from there on and was moderately plain sailing to the land of air born sea salt. After I pretended to be of some use while actually just wandering between rooms, we proceeded to wait for various amounts of people to turn up, until the entire posse, as you see us above, arrived triumphantly. Slightly depleted from last year due to a poor show from James and Beth, and Ruffle being slave driven by Game.

As the light was drawing in we ambled down to a pub at the bottom of the hill, which was rather dandy, and we jovially quaffed a few pints and mocked my apparent gay antics at various parties previous. The irony was palpable as Ad mounted me once more (see above). After a bit Rex, Ad and Cory went back to prepare dinner, which was jolly nice of them, and we continued with the alcohol, though we were quite laid back and only had about 3 pints each. On returning we were met with excellent cuisine in the form of Chicken Tagine, I think. Was very nice and we all munched hungrily before Secret Santa time.

With expert skillery I managed not only to please my victim, but also make it appear like it wasn't me who gave it, and hence stayed sensually anonymous. I received an awesome extreme travel survival book with various step by step guides to jump from roof to roof, controlling a run away camel and jumping from moving trains etc as well as alcohol in the form of Guiness. People know me too well.

The rest of the night was spent with very moderate drinking, eating an awesome choccy cheesecake made by Shing and excessive playing of Guitar Hero 3 which proved to be most fun. Though quite harrowing on the soul at points, and not a very good drinking game, especially as our Carlsberg tasted like tainted poo-water. No matter, at about 2/3 we all went to sleep, and I drifted off smugly in my 10 tog double duvet. Then awoke to the snoring of Colin, Shing and Adam, surprise surprise. Wasn't too bad though, and I soon punched them to death.

In the morning, after some COD4, we got a frickin' nice and big breakfast in a restaurant under a bridge. Black pudding is excellent. We then trundled back, drove home and I'm sure I did something fascinating for the rest of the evening. Oh yeah, I went through Guitar Hero 3 on medium, using a normal 360 controller.... which mashed up my hands. More importantly it mashed up my vision, causing everything to appear like it was liquid and moving. Quite scary.

So ill....

Fever, body temperature dropping, death likely.


Don't waste a taste my basket case

Well thank you Jade Raymond. You have caused me to waste an entire day by playing Assassin's Creed until the wee hours, i.e. 4am. This then broke my face and my alarm waking up skillery, so I got out of bed at 2pm. I have then spent the day doing nothing of any point, which is quite unfortunate.

Even when I went to Sta Travel yesterday nothing much was sorted as their system was broke, but Andy C is going email me a draft itinerary, which is jolly nice. I should probably organise my jabs as well, but no doubt I shall dilly dally for a while and not doing that. Why do I always resort to Magic FM when trying to find decent music on the radio?

Hey look Mike, Mac OS X had 5 times as many vulnerabilities as XP + Vista combined.

Following the traditional of throwing links at you until you die, check out Travelodges giving away free rooms to couples called Mary & Joseph. Also: an excellence comedical rap video, which quite a soul swinging, jazz fingering sound. Talking of fingering I shall leave you, with this amazing video of a guy finger dancing, as such, to a daft punk track:

And an alternative more titillating version.


I woke up at 7am. This may come as a shock, but I am in fact being productive, listening to Christmas t00nes and wrapping presents. Woo. Except this isn't productive. How do you wrap a wine bottle?!

Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare is seriously good, though I'm warned it's short. After yesterday's coffee session I had some serious trouble staying alive and not looking like a heroine addict going through cold turkey with late stage Parkinson's. So much so, that I think I scared the girl in Smith's when I tried to hand my credit card over and my hand was shaking all over the place. Good times, I solved it with a tuna baguette and a bread pudding. Yum.

Smart arse reasons why I chose the best console: Part 5341

Yes children, from my lovely perch of superiority I once more have discovered even more proof that the xbox 360 is better than the PS3 for all games so far. Look, if you will, at the two videos below, comparing half-life 2 and Portal on both consoles. Marvel at how the 360 has shorted load times, better frame rates, and the graphics are at least the same, if not better than the PS3:

All hail me, my smugness and everything else that doesn't involve homo-erotic behavior when drunk.

via joystiq

Reactions to my antics on Saturday:

Tommeh: I blame you for me drinking a crate and a half of beer at a party filled with predominately gay men...
Pete: Don't blame me for you being violated by a burly homo named Manuel, you bring these things upon yourself

Shing: he did like u
Tommeh: it reminds me of the time when the gods showered me with terrible rage and vengence

Tommeh: your photos hurt my soul
Shing: now would tht be poor quality of pics or compromising positions?
Tommeh: surprisingly my concern about the quality of afformentioned pix is somewhat minor, compared to all other concerns I have
Tommeh: mainly the fact that such photos exist and of course compromising positions
Tommeh: death to all

Tommeh: never let me get drunk in a party where the majority of people are gay dudes
Sapphic: o.O
Sapphic: you should probably avoid getting drunk in France

Sapphic: aww, but you're so amusing when inebriated
Tommeh: amusing/half crazed/horrendous in hindsight/homo-erotic

Adam: i fucking hate you
Adam: go to a party with no manliness such as me there
Adam: and you get some cracker fool riding you like its the grand national

I should warn you all now

I'm doing christmas cards this year, take that you crazy people of card giving uncertainty. I think if I lay out a blanket of card fire, I have less chance of not giving a card to someone who gives me one.

Guess where I am? That's right, volunteering down the salvation army... if by Salvation Army you mean costa coffee, and if by volunteering you mean drinking vast quantities of caffeine while trying to justify my trip to the high street not just to buy Call of Duty 4 cheap. And Graw for 7.99. Mythras loves me.

So, my to do list is now so long I can't remember what was at the top when I'm reading the bottom, I have managed to book a Sta Travel appointment for tomorrow though. Damn, I should probably go to the dentist. *adds that* There's now 29 items!!! Though one of them is "watch Audrey Hepburn films." Although I love this journal for writing in, it's not designed optimally for stickmen doodling due to it's narrowness, and height above the table. And I forgot my loyal Rhino doodle book (circa 4th year Exeter). God I miss Exeter. I have a list in here of things I miss that I may emofect you all with at a later date when I've thought of more things to add to it so it seems I don't actually wander around in a catatonic mental state where I rarely remember to miss stuff unless I stop to think. I'd like to think it was "living in the present" but it's probably just severe cognitive mental damage.

Talking of times when coffee made me slightly woozy and jittery. That would be now then...

Oh, hello

Sorry I just popped out for a bit - to America - but I'm back now kids. I haven't been outside since Wednesday! This is quite an achievement, helped in part by Altair, large timezone confusion and a large list of tv shows to watch. I must venture outside now, for there is alcohol and presents to be found in many a hovel and grotto. More later my loyal yet slightly pedantic readers, I am free from the shackles of a swearless politically correct blog, mwahaha, fuck you white boy! Oh wait....

It might appear that I've built a fort out of my bed, a towel and some clothes but that would be taking liabilities with your imagination... mmm fort. Man, I love forts, does anyone remember the epic tent/fort we made in my room in the first year? That was most excellent.

New dude above me told me off for being dangerous (this surprisingly isn't related to the fort), but I'm not gonna tell you what I did, so that an air of mystery remains about this blog.

Note To Tom:

Write a program for copying between blogs using this cunning api guide. In this manner you shall win the world, and be able to import Ameriland to here, crowning you king of the Blogasphere, and dethroning Cory Doctrow from his balloon fortress in the sky.

A Lesson To Be Learned

Okay kids, I know I'm not meant to be blogging on here really, but I have a techie rant. Who here uses Internet Exploiter Explorer? If you put your hands up, firstly why? I can't see you, and secondly, you good sir or madam, are a fool. Let's take this case example:

The hostel I am currently in uses Internet Explorer, a mixture of the latest one and an earlier version (I can't remember the numbers). Anyway, on the latest version, it managed to ENTIRELY destroy the computer from the inside out, and the guy had to do some crazy remote restarting of the computer, and that didn't even work. Then I moved to this machine, where it has an older non-tabbed IE, well just handling one webpage was apparently too much for it, so it promptly crashed after about 6 minutes. Now, although Firefox may take up your's, your mum's and your entire neighbourhood's RAM sometimes, at least it doesn't crash as much. At least for me. Then again I seem to be able to make everything crash. Case example:

On the Virgin Atlantic plane over to the states, they have an awesome computer thing in the back of each seat where u can choose films, tv shows to watch, radio stations to listen to and games to play, as well as see where in the world the plan is on a map. Well obviously, as I was using it, in a humourous yet predictable event I crashed it in the most amazing manner, the error message on the black linux screen than came up was:

Kernal panic: Attempt to kill init.

The woman was quite good natured about my destructive nature towards computers, yet my suggestion of "recompiling the kernal" didn't help matters... So the point to this post can be divided into two main thrusting elements:

1) Internet Explorer is the poorest coded, clunky heap of junk for browsing the internet
2) I rulz teh 'puterz!

O' Rly?

Right, I'm going to have to step in now, this is getting embarrasing. You should be reading, it's where all the "cool-cats" hang out and kick out some blues. Here's an extract:

As he staggered down the dark, dank tunnel of his soul, he happened across a cryptic clue scrawled across the wall, it read,

"...never was there a worse sight
than that of his pickled wife...

A thought glimmered briefly across his face at the sudden realisation that he had awoke something far worse than he had previously imagined. With a primal dread, he took out the bunny slippers from his dew soaked pocket, and realised the awful truth.

It really wasn't butter."

For more intriguing insights of a tom in the land of america please keep your eyes and genitals glued to Once this journey of sensual racial dismemberment concludes, this blog will recommence full time. Following this, I may clone ameriland and slam it in here, depending on the quality of it's content. I may spice it up as well. This all assumes I am granted infinite time with which to achieve such magic.

Now away with you, you cloud my vision with your vile opinions and despicable mannerisms. Be gone!

For all of you fools not in the know

I would like to translate the last blog entry on ameriland:


God Damn Hippies

I've got so much blogging to catch up on, and I REALLY cannot be arsed, so much effort.

I really should do it before I go to America... what fellow reader? you did not know of such shocking excursional plans? Ha! You have been kept in the dark my friend, as some time last week I had some form of hethen fit, and accidentally purchased tickets to the United States for a month. How could I keep you in the dark you ask? With amazing ease and lack of effort.

Where am I going? New York -> Chicago -> San Francisco

Why? Cos I'm cool.

When? Tomorrow... shit.

"But how will we know what you do, will you keep this blog going?" the crowd of adoring fans cry out. Fear not! I shall blog... just not on here. I shall use this newly created child friendly, devoid of racial slurs blog: where I shall post my wonderful adventures of muggings and stabbings that are sure to occur. When there is some form of post-watershed content, I shall pour lashings of it on this page of html crafted tomfoolery. Yes I know the ameriland blog looks shit. I don't care. I'm slightly panic stricken at the moment as my level of preparation is close to zero.

I have a dope camera though. Woo!

The N8XX debacle

Well kids, as your favourite gadget-whore, my extensive research and impulse obsessions have once more confounded my best decision making abilities. As mentioned before I'm thinking of getting the n810, however, there is also the n800 around.
Reasons why the n800 may be worse?

  • No hardware Qwerty keyboard
  • No GPS
  • Comes with OS 2007
  • Slightly bigger
Why it may be better
  • OS 2007 runs more apps than 2008 currently, plus u can upgrade.
  • Clock speed increase not much
  • FM Radio
  • An extra SD slot, so can transfer between SD cards.
  • Everything else is same, including screen res, touch screen, ram, wireless etc etc.
  • It's actually out already, so has firmware fixes.
What's the price difference u ask? well has the n800 for £150 (tho it's a pre-order for a 9th Nov release?!). The n810, when released, is likely to be £280, possibly more as play lists it as £499.99?! Interesting. On top of this, for that price difference I can get a sexy digital camera I've been looking at, the Casio EX-Z1050. Which is £122 and uses SD cards like the N8XX. It's also mega sexy.

Then again I probably don't need an internet tablet. But I'm not that clever.


Oh fellow readers, many a decision in mankind's history has averted or been the fundamental cause of catastrophe. As some of you may or may not know, or not care, I plan to pursue a career in travelling around the world gayley. Though in a purely heterosexual sense (sorry Stu). This presents me with a plethora of problems, though none more pressing than the issue of this wonderful vomit stain on the otherwise polished and untarnished tubes of the Interwebs. You may think:

"Hey Tom, Tom of wonder, Tom of light, why do you worry so, you can just blabble your normal mix of insightful knowledge and razor blunt wit on this dank corner of the internet. For now the internet has spread to the far reaches of the earth, and no more shall we be lost in the blinding glare of real life"

Alas, young, naive reader, you have failed to grasp the crux of the matter, true, I can remain elusively illustrious here, on this epic blog, however, I can't, for instance, let my mother read this. Not just because of the number of commas peppered throughout the past sentence, but also due to the often, and frequent references to eye socket sex. Amongst other things. Therefore I require a blog which can be afresh of past atrocities. Furthermore, this blog lacks any form of GPS geocoding support or mapping facility, and as you all know, without being a gadget whore, I am just a whore. Therefore, a place like would be ideal to birth this sensual mecca of perambulatory information.

Unfortunately, the achievement I hold most dear in my somewhat sloppy 22 years of existence is this blog, and I cannot just let it wither and mold during my time away. Therefore I'll have to keep blogging here in the uncensored babble you have all grown accustomed to ignoring. Therefore, I'll have to keep two blogs, which is an extreme amount of effort. Luckily, this is where I introduce my idea of buying a Nokia N810 Internet Tablet. Plus I need a new camera. Oh and I don't know where I'm going yet. And I don't have a bag. Or anything. I have a book though. It's pretty. And tries to make me listen to the voices that tell me to become a hippie and take drugs. Bad rough guide, bad.

Now away with you, I have emo stick people to depress you with!

Awesome Day

Today we cruised out to hyde park and wandered around. I love London, totally and utterly fallen for it. I'd love to be able to come out to hyde park for a jog in the autumn, look, it's so pretty:
We walked through to marble arch and down oxford street, then mother went off home so I could meet with Dan. I was far early, but a bit glad to get rid of her as was doing my nut in. Anyway I spent the next few hours, wandering, consuming caffeine and drawing stick men. Cos that's how I do it. Met young Dan in ze apple shop and he suggested some food in a place called ping pong dim sum. Which sells, surprisingly, dim sum, and turned out to be extremely yummy, and twas just a cool place, with Star Trek doors on the loos. We then wandered down to HMV, tho managed to go to the wrong one for the event we were searching for. Luckily it was an all afternoon affair, and we wandered to the correct one. And there it was, 7 360s, assassin's creed, and a damn fine fille as producer of the game. This was a "first look at assassin's creed", where they were taking small groups up to a small stage, explaining the controls to use, let them play the game for a bit and then after that, go down and meet Jade Raymond.

There was a large amount of geek cock in our way though, so we decided to come back later. We were wandering around london and there was a dude with a sign saying "play 360", so we followed it to this weird vinyl record shop, walked down to a completely whitewash basement, where there was no signs, and just a random door in front of us. We opened it and there was 30-40 360s to play the latest games on for free. Very random, and more humorously one of them was red-ringed. Anyway after a bit of messing on them, we left and found a crazy, but nice coffee type place, where I grabbed a beer and dan got a very chocolaty mocca, not before pissing off some hot girls though. We swaggered back, and got in line to excite ourselves. Previously Altaïr or at least someone dressed up like him let us take a photo with him, where I'm having my throat sliced. Which was nice. Anyway he stood behind us at the line, and turns out we were the last ones allowed to queue. Excellent.

After a bit of waiting we went up, and got to play the game. Not sure about the fighting, still seems like if there's a lot of enemies they take turns. U got some fools chasing me, and they were following me all over the rooftops, if I did awesome jumps, and swings and shit, they would roughly keep up, but not be quite as skilled or stylish. Was realy good, and I jumped on some dude's shoulders and stabbed him in the neck.

Finally we got to meet miss Jade Raymond, who if you are too lazy to click on my handy wikipedia links or misunderstood my previous explanation is the Producer for the 360 and PS3 game Assassin's Creed. The number of women in game design is indeed small, and for them to be hot is indeed a novelty. The people in front of me and dan were a bit blargh, and just pointing at what they wanted signed. So we struck up conversation with her, etc. I cunningly had my "AI for Game Developers" book in my bag, and she signed that with "I hope you work for ubisoft". So I was much chuffed, and also got a large guy to take my photo with her:

Then Dan got his C++ book *head desk* signed and I got to ruin a photo of him and her with his camera. Sorry Dan! (assuming I have screwed it up). Anyway we wrapped up an awesome day in London at a pub somewhere, and chatted about the current state of everything. Then I grabbed a train to Orp, after confusing the times, and met Russ in the Harvey. Where we got mildly sloshed and got a kebab. Extreme good times, Russ's dad bought me a pint as well.

To London!

And so we did. First hit hyde park, which is big, and really dope. Ate some sandwiches we prepared, and wander on along the water side. I got to take a photo of two american girls, one was quite hot. There were fountain's involved and the such like. Then we came up on The Albery Memorial. It's classic british pomp. Love it:

Very big. Anyway, it's right in front of the albert hall which we oooh'd at:

then we checked into our hotel, which was alright, and then headed out to find some form of food establishment. Actually I lie, we went to the Natural History Museum for a few hours, looked at some cool exhibits about our place in evolution and some interesting reading about primates. We were going to see the dinosaur section but it was packed with stunted people. We then found an organic Italian place, and although I have certain issues with the current organic "culture", I'm not one to care, and it was jolly yummy. I had pasta, chillis, chicken and pepperoni. It may have had al fredo at some point in the title. I also had an organic beer, which was of good quality and decent alcohol. Plus mum paid, so bonus. We then pootled back to get ready to see Don Mclean at the Albert Hall, my hair was like this:

Which was nice. We then went to the concert, and it turns out, the hall is an impressive site, nearly as impressive as the panorama feature on my phone:

Don Mclean was vastly excellent, and played non stop for 2 hours. Which is impressive as he's like 62. American Pie was an amazing sing along standie up clappy affair, which everyone seem to enjoy, and loads of his other songs were really well done. He had an opening act was really good, though can't remember her name. She was possibly Irish, but lived in Australia. After the gig, my mum was all excited, and I was hungry, so we went to a shop and I got a powerade and some pringles. Good times. Then I read some of my AI for Game Developers book.

Breakneck Bursts

I'm going to London tomorrow.

I don't like tights.

I need mega-pixels.

I need imagery motion.

To America?

Wanted: Girl to organise life.

It's too small.

A date? with me? I don't know.

Enough now. Sleep.

Speaking of ideas

which I wasn't, I thought I'd begin this post as my brain erupted in a train of thought which I've been attempting to hold back in the vein attempt to let my usual witty, and informative inspirational pieces of post-modern literature sweep across the pages of this blog. Yet a blog isn't made of pages and further more I couldn't care less about the rest of this sentence. My thought tube stems from the incessant calls I'm receiving from recruitment agencies, who all seem to want to hide behind a veil of withheld numbers and snooty attitudes to someone who requires a deferred job. Neither the less, their main concern is securing me as a possible employee for some random over specific, underpaying crab shack of a software development house. On top of this, they have the knowledge that the likely recipient to their call is either desperate for a job, in dire need for a job, or just really really wants some form of low-paid slavery contract. This leads on to a conversation that leaks formality and a balance of attitudes where both parties require the other. This leads on to my thought that if one of these parties is not actually caring about the outcome of such a conversation, the grandeur of a lie could be increased past the barrier of normal sanity. For instance, if I stated that my family had just been slain by a one armed machete wielding maniac, who in turn had infected me with cat aids with the promise of a cure if I broke him out of a high security, yet easily infiltrated gaol, then this would be accepted with apparent good nature as there is no reason for someone who is desperate for work such as myself to lie.

Without re-reading what I just wrote I can safely say I could have reached my point significantly faster and with less goat shinning if I was really bothered. Unfortunately, I just watched a few too many Zero Punctuation reviews and felt this would be useful at 6.23 on a Thursday evening.

Enough now.

People say to me

Tom, you create the illusion of intelligence, you have nearly legal hair and jeans with only a slight hint of coffee stains, where can an idea get you?

Well kids, an idea in this day an age of inter webular communication can launch a thousand websites and break a million hearts. The following case studies will not only cement this to your face but also demonstrate the minuscule size of the Internet in the traditional "time it takes news to travel" sense.

Case Study 1: Dave Hulbert

You may or may not know my friend Dave. He once saw a large carrot.

For his final year project he decided on creating a bittorrent client for mobile phones. This initially was just an idea, with no guarantee of completion or continuous development. However, immediately after he created a site detailing his intention, the Internet BLEW UP. And we all had to go home... I kid. It blew up with his awesome idea. Soon many a news website was carrying his story, he was interviewed, the story translated in to many weird languages, and his alpha code hosted on random sites.

The aftermath? A google search for "wizbit bittorrent" generates ~1700 results, and for "wizbit bittorrent hulbert" we get ~125 results. The wikipedia trail is even more cool, with the Bittorrent Client comparison containing wizbit, as well as the Wizbit and Hulbert articles! This crazy foreign wikipedia even has a page on it! All from just an idea. More cool links related to it can be found on the wizbit blog.

Case Study 2

Yo' mamma!

Don't cry over spilt coffee

unless it burns your penis off.


I like fests. Who else likes fests? I see you, at the back, with the wooden leg, and suspicious smell. You like them too. What I especially like is xbox 360 games fests. Which is what occurred on saturday and sunday at Chateaux Danu (avec Rex and the legendary alcohol box). Two 360s system linked, and 2 copies of Halo 3.

Yes I know, I hate halo. Doesn't mean I shouldn't give this incarnation another chance. Anyway we played a small bit of coop, just between me and dan, which was moderately alright. Then Rex kindly made us a scrummy chilli con gypsy. Then Rugby occurred, which we watched with confusion and slight contempt, luckily we had beer to sooth the pain. At half time all the damn power cut went out, luckily as we vaguely recollected a time without the Internet, we found some candles and torches and a Ruffle driving past, and we orchestrated a quick bout of Texas Holdem. Which I surprisingly won, even though I normally get owned, in the ass, with a metaphorical shovel of gambling prowess. Anyway, when the match finished the power popped back on we began an onslaught of Halo 3 4 person Campaign Coop.

4 hours later, we finally realised it was repetitive, shit and exactly the same as Halo 2, with a dull story line, shitty weapons, and shitter monsters. The only thing that kept it fun was mowing each other down with a various array of vehicles. Excellent. I then got hit by some crazy instant illness and we ended up sleeping.

Next day after a bit of Tony Hawk's and bacon sandwich, we played 4 hours of fucking awesome Halo 3 multiplayer. It's a amazing a game can be so shit and so good at the same time. So many different game types. Zombie Infection is awesome. Anyway this blog post is far too long for you uncouth animals to remain focus on, and indeed I'm starting to ramble, so away with thee.

The girls over there are far too young for coffee.

I think my readership has reduced since my period of communication inactivity. Yes, that's right. I could stay in a coffee shop for the rest of my life writing into a notebook, looking like a hippy.

Haw Haw. I said readership. Anyone.... rofl a baby just threw up... anyway. Anyone want Half life 2 and Episode 1 for free? Seeing as Dan is blaspheming and buying it for the 360 I cannot give it to them. Wait, Episode 1 has gone to ad.

Argh a low flying brick just hit my eye. Who else gets overally motivated with life when out of the house, but crushed when they re-enter.

Crazy coffee woman just scared herself with some crazy bell. Highly funny, as I was standing right in front of her. Much laughter ensured. Then I was like, "Hey baby, it must be winter because the demand for electricity has sky rocketed and the elderly death rate has increased." I suck at chat up lines

When I'm elderly I'm gonna live somewhere hot in the winter so death doesn't consume me via flu. My hand is sweating from writing so much. I am also drinking far too much coffee for the average bear.

Okay, I confess, I bought the xbox game BtVS: Chaos Bleeds for 2.99 today. You happy now? I feel sorry for Rex, he has a crazy condescending woman in charge of him. At least he now knows deceased means dead.... Costa is my haven of reminiscent solitude within the poo that is Orpington. My dislike for the Orp is starting to mimic a hate crime.

One way to combat my social group's natural indecisiveness

No one was saved

I want someone who will eat my ashes when I'm gone...

Skull smirking, my new hobby....

Ned: You framed someone for a murder, you ass!
Wilfred Woodruff: I had no choice.
Ned: Of course you did. Everything we do is a choice: oatmeal or cereal, highway or side street, kiss her or keep her. We make choices and we live with the consequences. If someone gets hurt along the way we ask for forgiveness. It's the best anyone can do.
Pushing Daisies

A Softer World - A dope comic I found.

The Needles, The Space....

I fear my opinions on computer related matters are far too strong, whether it's rants about myspace, or Halo, or something else that inspired this comment but I've forgotten it. Oh yeah, clipart.


Half-Life 2: Ep2 is the awesome.

My wrist is still b0rked from the weekend of drunkness.

I like giving relationship advice it gives me a smug sense of irony

360 Games That Will Be Excellent

Army of Two
Assassin's Creed
Call of Duty 4
Fallout 3
Fable 2
Mass Effect
Project Origin
Splinter Cell Conviction

Shortest update since 1945

Today some fools broke the lamppost outside with a metal bar. So I went to Waitrose, and got lost in High Elms, and so had some fish and chips. And Coffee...

Portal is F to the ucking awesome.

SNL short....

DO NOT WATCH IF U HAVE YET TO PLAY PORTAL (unless you won't ever)...
It's funnies...

LOLbonic Plague!

An urban art take on a classic game

Wispa is back!!!!

My Name is Earl is the humour in my tummy.

All the Tension and the Terror...

I have Man Flu. But getting better. Went to grad fair with Rexus Maxus, via the magic of London transport. Initially we only had a short look inside and it all seemed a bit hectic. Though MI5 woman thought my grades were sexy, even though I suspect working for them would involve a web of lies and intrigue which isn't worth it.

We then met Dan and Shing for lunch in a Lloyds bar, which was nice and I got to have a John Smiths. Shing then returned with us to the Grad Fair which turned out to be a bit poo. Then my left shoe started consuming my foot and we accidentally had expensive coffee in Hilton Cafe. Shing spent 7.50 on some crazy yet small bailey's coffee thing. Poor furniture there as well.

We then wandered until my foot was about to fall off, and so we got some plasters and had decent coffee in Nero. Note To Self: Steal a Nero coffee stamp. We chilled in Nero for ages, just chatting, which was really dope. Then home and Rex abusing my facilities. I guess I prolly just bummed around after that.

Who else notices that my blog slows down firefox cos of the flash player to your right? Excellent.

Major ills today, death pain etc.


Celebratory explosion

Before we began ruffle's celebrations we slammed into Orpington so the twits could remove their golden locks, we could get travel cards and rex could slaughter some hookers. After dropping car off we went to the Queen's Head in green street green to watch the rugby. Except they don't have televisions. As a strange twist of fate, however, as we walked in Andy and Lucy walked in. I was like

and they were like
and I was like
"oh yeah"

and then we all merrily drank alcohol, specifically John Smith's and Guinness:

Andy and Lucy went to grab food and we perambulated on to the harvest moon, where we met the rest of the posse and traversed, via electronically powered rail transport. Though we missed it first of all and had a quick drink in the maxwell. Finally in beckenham we went to ye olde Goose, got food and much drink. We then divided and a load of us went on to continue the celebratory explosion in croydon, specifically in walkabout. Not before having a kebab in beckenham however. After a while in walkabout, we were shattered so grabbed some kfc and got a taxi home, that was cheaper than last time. Bonus.

The day after the night after the holiday

Ad and I attempted to hit bewlwater today, but realised the cycle hire was shut just before we left. Which was lucky, so instead we went to blue water to watch a film. But none of the films were particularly appealing, so we shot up a load of heroin and experimented sexually with a passing group of swedish netball players. Well we would of but the heroin shop was shut. So we met rex instead and pootled around the shops before eating some grub at Bitz and Pizza (gaffaw).

We then resorted to a night down the old harvest moon in drinking readiment for tomorrow. See the photographic evidence of my excellent chest hair and lust-worthy emerald eyes:
(modesty comes at an extra fee)


I have mostly slept.


We went to hastings today as my subtly worded title cryptically suggests. It was pretty:

Although we lacked time we still managed to grab some fish and chips, drink some bevvys on the beach, chuck a ball around (in a camp fashion):

fly a highly erogenous kite as the breeze was quite strong, clamber up the cliff (and clone ruffle):

frolic on the rocks:

update some carvings, watch a restaurant that was on fire, play on the arcades and cruise home. Much good fun all round. We also said by the Raffle before she ran away to france :(

BBQ of kings

Today, we enjoyed a highly excellent bbq at young Raffle's house. Unfortunately, I can't remember exactly what happened, but I know there was beer, and meat... and more meat... and then I ate too much meat and got a meat headache. Twas excellent time though. I think I may have some form of photo....

no wait I don't :( poop. However, I can prove I ate so much as I managed to come back and break a floor board with my immense weight. And I wasn't even drunk!?

Coffee, Toffee, and your mum.

Currently in Starbucks in Bluewater, my main objective for coming here, but I made up a load of things to buy to excuse myself. Currently I've got a new wallet and a new belt. It's surprisingly hard to find non-expensive boxers. And boxers that aren't wack. I have a cracking headache again, but I'm not sure if its down to coke cold turkey, lack of sleep or lack of being outside. Coffee will help.

It has to. Plus Norah is soothing my soul.

I'm slowly typing up my blogs. The interent is gonna come to a halt when I upload it all.

On the topic of others things I'm doing, I'm also kidding myself that the hot girls in here are checking out the lonely wanna be surfer in the corner, scrolling his thoughts into a notebook. I'm also perving on everyone who walks by... I mean. I'm watching for danger...

Everyone here is pregnant. To Marks and Sparks->

I have come to the conclusion that as a phone, camera and mp3 player, my phone is extremely excellent. I have come to love it. And it hasn't crashed in a while. In fact ages.

Things I've recently done but forgotten:

15th: Mainly drove home
16th: Went to bluewater, then beckenham, then croydon. Much merryment, but cab was a long drive home. We went to reflex in croydon which was a bit too 80s for my liking but was still cool. Goose in beckenham now has uber cheap menu.
17th: Existed
18th: Went to monday club, I suspect it was good
19th: Existed...
20th: Went to dump
21st: Is today.

Oh yes.

That's right kids my 360 is now linked into my computer and I can stream stuff to it. Use Tversity if you care not for media player, as I do not.

Talking of 360, call of duty 4 beta giveaway keys here

Must remember to update my i heart movies

well it took longer than I expected but now I'm pissed off with living at home

Gangsta Soul

With all this talk about freedom, it would appear I forgot I need a purpose. Or maybe I just ignored it. It's all very well thinking "seize the day", but unless you do, and you seize the right day, it's all a bit rampant. Obviously rampant is the wrong word here, but I had no end to the sentance and it popped into my head. Like a light bulb in a darkened room, I'm just sitting here, waiting for you to come on home and turn me on. As Norah says.

With so much drama in the LPC, it's kinda hard being snoop d-o-double G.

Amen to that.

Clones, plasmid phones, and Norah Jones

Shit bricks. It's now 1pm and I've packed nothing, forgot to have hair cut and meh. Twas all I could do not to play bioshock *shakes fist*. My head's a bit messed up today, Ed suggested some possibly things I could do, including an industrial phd. I'm sure I need to get away though. Plus at this rate I'm gonna be a lard bucket for the holiday.

Note To self: Keep a journal on holiday. I'm a little worried my blog is turning into a diary. I lie, I'm not worried at all. I hate it when coffee shops have argumentative talk shows on, we need Super Norah to the rescue.

Today has mostly been me putting off everything to play Bioshock. Did well in meeting though and company are foolishly please. Slightly awkward farewell afternoon tea and then hit the bioshock. Began watching Eureka once my eyes broke, which is really good, but means that's one more show to watch. Raping bandwidth as its last Exeter night.

Cat anyone?

White goods

Fridge broke today, so we had to go get a new one, which made me late heading back to the Ex. Got here quite quick tho. Tesco then went straight to the department and bashed out my report in double quick time. Watched awesome england game with Stu in vic and then went back and fired up bioshock....


General Ramblings and Observations by Tom of Earth: a cryptic emotionally-driven look into the life of times of the infamous sock wearer, gadget-whore, unintentional blasphemer, hypocrite, servant of Xenu, Pastafarian, absurdist and thantophobic...without me, its just aweso

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