Okay so this is a seriously

awesome idea for a party. Some of the costumes are incredible and uber funny

The Most Offense Costume Party Ever:

I blog therefore I have work to do

I love getting up early

I don't know why I don't do it more often, mainly because I get distracted late at night and don't get to sleep till late. But when ever I get up early I have sooo much time in the day, and the day before starts to feel like a long time ago, which shows I'm living more life. Or something of similar effect. I love being awake.

damn the world tearing us apart like crazy fools attached to God's morning muffin

I was pondering

Google loves Firefox, they're all like, "yo Homeboy, do no evil, get Firefox" which is a good point, however most(?) people who have Firefox use Adblock Plus, which blocks all the ad's they make most of their money from. Talk about paradox. No really, you have 1 minute, no repetition, deviation or hesitation. You are using Adblock Plus yeah....?

GRAPH ALERT!!11!11!!one!!!111

Other points on interest: I stupidly forgot my phone doesn't adapt to the clocks going back. So I woke up at 7am. It's fine I've done two loads of washing and had 2 coffees and a BLT from the Cafe Ritazza.

Kill a man, and all you have left is a poodle

That's right, I'm up at 7am. This does not bode well, however my headache has gone, partly thanks to some crazy ass wack dreams I was having. Today I must work like a crazed man.

shh I need to have a shower

blast it all to hell

Okay so I've wasted the day so far in part to me waking up late, and waking up with a headache to kill all. *grumbles* and no amount of water or caffeine has fixed it. Not only this but I watched Smallville then Disney's High School Musical, which while being time well spent.... I shoulda been doing work.


more later when I can think in a straight line.

Challenge 1:

Create a myspace page that is not a proud display of extreme crap web design. I intend to prove that it can't all me myspace's fault, but the myspace user community who know nothing about good design.

Deadline: 2010.

Things you (probably) didn't know about Tom - Part 2:

I have two scars on the side of my leg/arse where I jumped through a makeshift table and onto a glass that shattered. This happened last year....

Rock doesn't crush scissors

you racist hippies, it blunts them *tuts* when will ya learn

Reminder To The Tom:

To make Firefox searches open in a new tab use about:config then change browser.search.openintab


Mwahah Dirty freedom

so it would appear that the girl next door has moved out and no one is gonna be living there till the end of January, which means I've got the entire top floor to myself, check it:

and so with a new state of enlightened bliss I decided to do something crazy and have a bath as I wasn't scared anymore, unfortunately the bath turned out to be foolishly too small as this picture dictates:

No worries though, the water was warmer than death. New Firefox spell check rules, everything I type gets spell checked for me, it makes me warm and fuzzy inside.


roflcopter alert: The Internet Exploiter Team sent Firefox folks (Mozilla) a cake

Donnie Darko anyone?

Just had my first committee meeting as the SSLC representitive for Applied Artificial Intelligence. Somehow i ended up also being nominated onto some sort of Health and Safety Committee. I got the skillz.

Saw 3 looks pretty dope, and there is even a youtube trailer. Does anyone wanna go to Donnie Darko tonight with me? seriously it'll be dope. At the Picturehouse. Yeah. Also I shoulda seen Brick last night at cinsoc, apparently its the new Donnie Darko.

Went to Clysdale house last night, had a pizza and some drinks with teh stu, then worked a bit with Sam then worked till late... I may have said this all already but I can't remember. Isn't rain odd. It's like stuff falling from the sky, very strange, bit like liquids, they're really weird as well. Imagine if you lived somewhere where there was no liquid (I.e. u were some crazy ass alien) and came here, you would be like "Holy Moly Pudding and Pie, I've evolved past having an eye".

Surprising Things You Didn't Know About Tom - Part 1:

I wouldn't mind if alcohol was made illegal.

Holy moly, getfirefox

no really, new firefox is worth creaming over. NOW. do it.

*sigh* from here

If you use Internet Explorer, get firefox. If you using an old version of firefox, get firefox. If your using opera.... well at least try the new version of firefox.

Damn you Java, you win this round *shakes fist*

Just don't mention penis attacking moths to me and I'll be okay.

So. I've lost all inspiration and I need to get my review of Hoodwinked done quickly before people slap me. Mainly me. I may. Specialise. In. Short sentances. Then again maybe not, cos well I'm on campus again.

my blogging habit broke

mainly an update post for when I'm 60years old and think "hmm I wonder what I did on the weeked of the 21st of October". Well this is it:

On friday I cruised down spoons with Sarah and we had a cheap bottle of wine that hurt me and a western platter. the yum. On Saturday I'm not sure what I did, probably waste time.

Sunday Zoe came down and we all went out to walkabout and drank. then went to rocococococos and got free drinks cos Katie and rob knew the bar man. Bonus points.

Yesterday I didn't do anything, even go to lectures, but then saw Hoodwinked for free at the cinema with Sam, was much awesome, then went for coffee wit zoe and matt. Then library and watched a film with Sam.

Today I am shivering but up early, so bonus points, I need a shower. As I keep saying, hilarity later.

How is an Msc assessed?

Like this:

  • 70%+ Distinction. Work of exceptional standard reflecting outstanding knowledge of material and critical ability.
  • 60-69% Merit. Work with a well-defined focus, reflecting a good working knowledge of material and good level of competence in its critical assessment.
  • 50-59% Pass. Work demonstrating adequate working knowledge of material and evidence of some analysis.
  • 40-49% Condonable fail. Limited knowledge of core material and limited critical ability.
  • 0-39% Fail. Lacking in basic knowledge and critical ability

enough....enough now

no really. Enough dreams about my teeth falling out, even if it is by a lecturer who looks a lot like Ron Yang who uses tuning forks when I was asleep to remove my teeth to prove some valuable life changing lesson to me. Just no.

Delapitated Shrimp Time! Do the tangy dance ->

Snapshot from Love Actually

Yes I was watching it for like the 5th time, shut up I'm a girl, anyway, check it. The dude in the white coat, I own that coat! Well the same type anyway, it's Nike and from my nike days, oh the memories. Anyway. Hilarity later.

I'm just too post-grunge melodic hardcore for it now.

anyone wanna go for a drink?

seriously, I'm not lying, Lost In Translation is one of the greatest acted films ever. Love the stuff. I'm thinking of inspiration. any ideas? requests? pornographic displays of affection? perhaps a quart of whiskey?

okay you got me, I don't know what a quart is. Damn your eyes. I'll tell you one thing though, mug of coffee just got rid of my headache. oh no wait its coming back, MORE CAFFIENE.

Mini-Rant: The word tolerance shouldn't be used. We shouldn't be "tolerant" of other cultures, and races etc, because that sounds as if they're a burden we have to put up with. We should embrace like they are our own, but still feel pride in our own. Also we shouldn't concentrate on organising events for "International" students, we should just organise events for EVERYONE. The more we segregate situations and people the less productive we are on making this world a happy tangy place. so there.

I drew you a diagram to help:

whoa blogger is slow today

bit like my eye muscles still. What stimulation? check out my review of the Wizard of Oz:

Click it like its free of oppression

shit my LOLLERSKATES lost a wheel

Haw Haw just kidding, got ya there. Here's the actual Geography Lesson:

Question 1. What colour is spiderman's crayon?

Answer: Trick question, its not a colour, its Qubec.

Question 2. If Timmy was given 5 crayons, but John's coastal erosion was treated by a Spanish Doctor, how many crayons will it take to colour in Europe?

Answer: Trick Question - Timmy isn't a real person.

A Geography Lesson

This is Italy. Formed once out of the dregs of a spilt pint of water.

It's main exports are mo-peds, poncing about and hats. Gross Annual Nubla Rate is approx. 5.7 to every 3.

some HELP ME! please

derive this!:

The intention of this post is not to screw with your soul...

By the famous artist Tom "Le honk" Barker entitled "That time I realised why I probably don't understand anything"

I think I slept on my eye muscles

Happy hippo tango party time!

MAYDAY MAYDAY my roflcopter has sprang a leak:

well ding dong, the witch in bed

I may have misheard that come to think of it. Welcome to National "I'm sure the fact my margarine is near liquid in texture is fine" day.

More on my trip to Oz later.

I seem to have tomorrow off which is nice, and I'm still in turmoil whether to run for Events Co-ordinator for the Postgraduate Society. I'm not sure its what I want to do, and the politics within the guild are just too ridiculous and prevent any efficient action to be done. This doesn't help with people offering unconstructive critiscm and generally preventing anyone from accomplishing anything. Plus I really need to do this so called degree that I'm doing. Then again it would look good on my CV, but I still have Xnet, course rep and I may do some cinsoc stuff.

Damn girl next door trapsing all around the bathroom naked and wet, and obviously (from the foot prints) going to the toilet in a wet state.

You know what the best tattoo ever would be? one of a sundial shape on the underside of your for-arm, and then when you stick your middle finger up towards say north, u would be able to tell the time. priceless really. g'wan rex, u want a tattoo

The fools!

Someone let me write reviews and publish them on a website! When will they learn!

Taking Back Sunday - Louder Now by Tom Barker

*opens a human tongue shop*

cos thats the way I roll. Dammit I feel I'm so far behind all my lectures already, damn my lack of mathematics.

On a nicer note though, I'm the Committee Rep for my course and hopefully will be an Events Co-Ordinator for the Post Graduate society. Other revelations later.... *looks mysterious*

Quite stressed at moment, not sure why, was feeling quite negative yesterday evening, though bumped into Chloe and she helped me buy a can of diet coke and I felt better. Thank you miss chloe *nods*

Anyone wanna wash my clothes and/or dishes. but not simultanously. More later my brain can't think of humour.

give me a bucket and I will sing

there's a bucket full of pain in this glass
but does that mean my glass is only half you ask
there's a cat full of hat in my room
but yesterday's just tomorrow come to soon
there's a little bit of vomit in my throat
and its probably from my diet not your boat
there's a lot of waste of time in this blog
but 7 times says reading this you just can't stop
there's a hella lot of drama in my queen
but now my livers only half the size of my spleen

thank you thank you, I'm here all week.

touch that and I'll break ya frickin' face

I often wonder if my liver had a brain. and its brain cells weren't all dead if i hates me more than hate itself.

Awesome weekend wit the homeys down, but we drank way too much, the pubs of choice were Ram -> Impy -> Tower Inn Ferno -> Curry place -> New Spoons -> Firehouse. I'm sure mike has a good collection of dangerous photos. we had breakfast this morning in spoons and went around town a while, death was close to me.

I think I need a new msn photo, suggestions on a post card to hell. MWAHahhahwahah

before you buckle at your knees

the ex homeboys are coming down this weekend. In about an hour or so in fact, oh noes! my nakedness is at mach 7. anyway, concerning this weekend we have:

The Rules of Engagement

  1. Thou shalt not vomit in anyone's shoes
  2. Thou alcohol must be consumed away from naked flames
  3. Thou shalt not sell shabby products under a suspicious tone of authority.
  4. Thou shalt not return drunk and fall into my guitar/computer/soul
  5. Thou shalt not sleep with my underwear in the cupboard.
nuff said.

on a related note, south park is just as awesome as ever, check out the next episode, about 911 as such. I'm sure its fine for me to link to it *cowers from the mpaa*

myspace, facebook, etc

"on the downside they're loaded with sexual predators... on the plus side their also loaded with sexual prey"

Too close for missles, I'm switching to honey covered cats

Yo my fellow slightly preturbed and overally way too bemused readers. Today is the day in which I tell thee that today is a day. Its a day.

On Wednesday we went to Star's for Katies birthday eaterie, and good holy stomach food batman I got ribs and it was the biggest thing I'd seen in my entire life. After eating all the ribs I still had what looked like a full plate of spiraly fries and coleslaw and salad. Those crazy fools. We drank guiness and then cruised off down to amber rooms, which probably was a bad idea for someone with zero the money.

On Thursday after amusingly watching stu come into our lecture an hour and 10 minutes late I paniced and tried to find a costume for the party for Katie that night. Kids characters. Superman it was then, my hair was cool, tho I don't remember Superman ever wearing ripped jeans and DCs. Damn hippys. Anyway alex dressed up as a vampire without teeth, so I felt better. Before hand we went to the post grad elections, where Sam "pwned" everyone and became president of ze world. We all dressed up... Sam as the Absynthe fairy, very kiddy and progressed to the party where the amount of effort people had put into their constumes was awesome.

Apart from the hired batman, big bird and tellytubby costume, there were home made awesome versions of Bill and/or Ben the flowerpot man (made from b&q!!), Wonder woman by louise, mad hatter by claire (with jack daniels tea pot!), and many more besides, including Katie's tinker bell. Awesomeness. Tho some crazy drunk man turned up, who for want for a better word, was a cock.

this post is far too long and my heart hurts. I have 2 lectures and then need to fix this place up cos its the Ex reunion of such tomorrow. Power to the people.

so last night I said

"Hey guy, stop hacking up my soul with your pre-packaged peer pressure, I'm not gonna go out, or spend money or drink alcohol."

oh how wrong I was, hilarity was high as well, not only with me completely missing stu who was sitting right in front of me, but I also succeeded in calling him a splat of wank. Started in the Ram, with Alex, Chris, Hardcore dave and random fools from dave's old flat, and stu, kath and nick were there as well and I was like yo.

Soon me and Alex passed and moved to the lemmy where Katie and Claire avec housemates were there, Katie was slightly the drunk which was highly amusing. Not only this but my housemate Nat was there as well but even tho we've talked quite a few times she only recognised me cos of my luridly yellow jacket, so I sorted her out. In a respectable manner without even resorting to knee cap removal.

I forgot to mention I have the net back in my room and I have been investigated watching new eps of series without downloading them, like on youtube and blip.tv and dailymotion and whatever other l337 ways I can find. Stu and I went to a lecture today which was so pointless we again spent the entire lecture communicating via the medium of pen.

Random Quote

"I dreamt of Cox" - Me, followed by Stu head butting the wall in anguish.

you know sucks

not even having enough change in your pockets and room combined to be able to wash some clothes.

so the new episode of south park

Is totally awesome and you can watch it in full here, you lucky lucky kids.

** Spoiler **

"When Hitler rose to power there were a lot of people who just stopped playing, you know who those people were? The French. Are you French?"

paranoia in the discothek...

man I love book shops, if I was the richer I'd go and buy like everything. There's even a book about blogging in our uni shop. Which is pretty stupid cos they only have 10 comp sci books and one of them is something airy fairy like that. No matter, I am the Blogging master. I pwnz teh iNternetz.

free coffee in comp sci building today, due to the shop opening late or something. cappachino tastes a bit too creamy for my liking, how can they not do Tom's patented coffee as black as the gates of hell?

Task for today: call stu a wanksplat for the hell of it.

I have a lecture AND a meeting today, man my days are so packed I'm close to being squishmoshed.

Havn't you heard that I'm the new cancer, I've never looked better and you can't stand it...

sup bluds

I hear the library computer room is the place to be when you're there and you're square. And you're still banned from the net like some crazy dutch bastard.

I got up at 1pm today. I mean wtf? thats not the way to go. Need to get into a routine and read some books, once the damn Stu orders them *shakes fist*.

Orp fools: are we still goin to amsterdamn in easter, if so I need to put some cash aside and not buy anything for a while. Like food. take that DJ gravy monster samuel.

Went ram, alex's and blackie on friday nite with nick, chloe and alex. and on saturday night went rileys then firehouse with Sam, where i wasn't meant to be drinking but ended up having 4 pints. Tho two of them were a quid so I can be let off. Awesomely tho, Jamie (sam's boyfriend) knows I often order guiness in the firehouse, so I can now swagger in there and go "yo dude, the usual" and I'll be cooler than the fonz on a surfboard.

for your pleasure, the Student Guild's (like a student union but apparently different) introduction video:

*?#* you pig!

oki so it just took me a minute to find the # key on the keyboard, man I shouldn't be doing a comp sci masters.

Today's connundrums are, if Tony Jaa launched a flying knee butt at you (thats not a type of fish) how would u defend yourself if you had no weapons?

Also do people who are claustraphobic have to avoid showers and toilet cubicles, as I'm sure that could be a tad awkward when you need a poop.

I'll tell you something else that has a hat level of 7, on the walk to campus I was crossing the road and some dude in a car stopped me right in the middle of the god damn road to ask directions to the prison. Surely not the safest place for a tom.

Update on my net status, turns out I got banned cos they thought I had a virus, probably cos I tunnelled a load of traff... blah blah tech speak blah blah shoe horn blah albatross blah blah right in the blah blah sticky but blah blah damn tasty.

Dj Yoda's new album is dope, check it you crazy fools.

what people say about my blog:

"i like your blog it's largely irrelavent gobalgygook" - Danu

"I like your blog, it makes me happy, like a big internet cyber hug of tomness" - Sam

"I commend your blogging Thomas" - Stu

"Your blog? Well it's humoristique, quelquefois assez 'geeky'...I don't know, just natural, funny, slightly eccentric...humour and sarcasm and info and emotastic doodles" - Raffle

more later...

you know what else is annoying

Missing Terry Pratchett's signing sesh at smiths and not being able to damn well think of something to code.

mccoys stab all other crisps in the face and leave them to die in the gutter

no reason, they're just crazy and awesome. On a related note, can wolverine be drowned?

In a crazy attempt at a cunning stunt bonus I got a load of books from the library last night at like 8pm. I may have said on the last two blogs but I can't remember.

I'm now gonna read to chapter 3 of my neural networks book. Take that Tom cruise!

I agree

I do need a digital camcorder, but apart from scamming someone in lanzarote I got no where near the cash to afford such a thing.

I'm sure u don't care but I thought I'd tell you in case I capture some hot and rich girl's heart, and then I can hold it for ransom, for the princely sum of 1 camcorder. and a frickin' quiet space bar.

Soft toy sex is NOT funny. Its sick, perverted, disgusting and hilarious. Bonus points.

yeah true I'm just typing for the hell of it, but you'd miss it if my keyboard was melted down in polyoxihatasaurous oxide. wouldn't you. yes. next:

Song of the week: The Get Up Kids - Campfire Kids.

Reasons I'm annoyed:

  1. My Ds Lite has a crack in the hinge, stupid nintendo with faulty DS's still being sold in the shops
  2. I seem to be banned from the internet in my room for downloading legal torrents on bittorrent. You may not believe me that there are in fact legal torrents. Check out legaltorrents.com and many a linux distro. *le sigh* I even scheduled no downloading 9-5 during day AND limited it to 50kb/s anyway.
  3. Firefox doesn't work on any blasted computer on uni at the moment for some reason
  4. All the computers in the masters computer room seem b0rked
  5. To be able to log into my blog I had to download a portable version of Opera cos cookies are h4xxored.
  6. Grrr
  7. The toilet cubicles in the library toilets can be unlocked from the outside?!
  8. My throat has a tickle in it. Not jon tickle I add.
  9. Yams!!!!
  10. All the Neural Network books by Bishop have been taken out of the library.
  11. I have like no money
  12. I'm uber tired cos I couldn't sleep and kept dreaming about telling people about my dreams from previous night. I fear the problem could be exponential
  13. The space bar on this keyboard is way too loud and probably annoying everyone in the library
  14. I keep running outta time in the day to do anything
  15. I can't think of any more reasons.
Reasons I'm happy:
  1. I love uni man. Booya
Happy Birthday Mr Ruffle, much respect to the first 22nd year old in the Orp posse. Sorry can't be there. Include that in the list as well.

I hear the healthyest thing u can do is buy over half a kilo of coleslaw that runs out by the end of the day.

me stu and kath did the pool thang on monday, and I got nicely traunched, but I showed a slight improvement over the evening, tbh lack of alcohol probably didn't help my chances.

Was gonna X-media social it up last night, but my money is so non-existent its not even of the humourous kind of variety. and I need books. and some smoothies.

Got like no sleep last night but at one point in a dozy state paniced cos I thought I'd swallowed my phone. *nods*

hilarity later.

ya can't beat stapling

so the conclusion to today was, why did I drink enough beer to drown an elephant and eat just about nothing yesterday. Luckily I managed not to vomit all over my homey Ron Yang in my first lecture, even though he thought Stu was me somehow. Damn ed spreading vicious rumours.

I'd also like to apologise to Alex for stealing his beer, Alex's housemates for putting up with me, Sam for not stabbing me after my smoking rant and anyone else who had to witness me :P

Dear World

please me quiet, my head hurts like hell

thanks, Tom


Its what you say when your a common shrubbery.....

and so the award for best text message to tom goes to adam for this one:

"Man, alcohol told me it wants to fuck you up, watch your back fool"

Went to firehouse last night, there was guiness involved and hookers. minus the hookers.

I often wonder if there is some limit to the amount of tv shows I can watch, luckily I'm half man half machine, and 7 times as square eyed

Freshers squash 2moz, society joinage alert

oh and its "G, I'm a tree"

General Ramblings and Observations by Tom of Earth: a cryptic emotionally-driven look into the life of times of the infamous sock wearer, gadget-whore, unintentional blasphemer, hypocrite, servant of Xenu, Pastafarian, absurdist and thantophobic...without me, its just aweso

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