Twits Extravanganza

The twits and people slowly appeared for their celebration after I spent the morning sorting out my shocking excuse for a bedroom. Much waiting around occurred, so had a drink or two, while showing off the house. Eventually headed off to the Goose in Stratford where we met up with Dan and Tracey. Nandos fucked us over on a table booking so we resorted to a Caribbean restaurant. where I got a Goat Curry, but it tasted a bit like canteen food. Luckily for everyone, the waitresses were informed of the current age related predicament, and some humourous twit embarrassment based around singing and clapping. Many people looked peed off. Next stop London!

Where we proceeded to wander around and not do much for ages, until we met up with Shing's Katie, who was really nice, and we faffed around Leicester Square for a while, until in the end I was like "Hess, take us to a cool club". And he did. And we drank. Hess paid a topless muscular dude to hug ruffle, so we could take a photo. Unfortunately, Cory's camera died, so Hess had to rape me at the bar ("noo noo hess, go in again") and get my camera. At some point cory and I went and bust some moves on the dance floor, and had some jager shots. Then the others joined us and we boogied the night away.

Eventually left just after 3am, and got the 25 back, but only after shing disappeared into a random chinese shop, where I followed her, and she got me boneless awesome duck and rice, that I devoured. Bus wasn't too bad, about 40 min, though ruffle puff hated it. Sleeps.

Dance. Jagermeister. 40min 25 bus home.

Concisely in your brain pocket

On wednesday raffle evaporated back home, so that on the Thursday (yesterday) she could jet off the coasts so close, but so far. Jealousy consumes me. Ruffle moved in the same day, missing her expertly, and his room became full of huge boxes. His mommy was very kind and took me home, where I had to wrestle with my crappy car that had got run down over the 7 months I was away. So a friend my mum knows was kind enough to charge it over night, but when I tried to start it, it sounded extremely sorry for itself. Then, in my attempt to get the car over to his house to get tires pumped for incoming MOT the next morning, the car slipped into some crazy error message that refused to let the engine rev, and I couldn't go faster than 18mph. Insane.

Eventually got it going normally, and took it for a drive to sevenoaks roundabout, past poll hill, but it slipped into the error state twice on the way, so I did the drive again, and it seemed fixed. I then collapsed from starvataion and ate a pizza. Good times. Next morning, woke up early to wash the car so I could pass MOT, went to Chelsfield Motors, who passed my little fiesta ever so quickly, then packed up the last of my shizzle, and drove back to the house with excellent reliability, and threw everything haphazardly into my room. Said "easy now" to the children, then bust on back into town to meet up with Maddie, in Liverpool St starbucks, followed by some excellent fish and chips in a little pub just down the street. After some navigational based humour, we met up with Sam, who took us to another SB and we chatted for a while, before we all had to emanispate back home. Good times. We probably watched films or killed people in the evening


or something equally whatever. Had an awesome sleep in my new bed with 1.5 trillion tog duvet. In the morning I was like, "Yo yo biatches" then skidaddled off to meet Pete, Chloe and Mike in Victoria Station, where Chloe was impressively already drunk after 2 ciders, so we shot off to Green Park, and found some nice pubs, The Kings Arms especially, and had a few bevvies. We then bust on back to Leicester square and walked to the embankment, where after some odd failing to find a walkabout, we went back to the south bank for a very nice Mexican and a beer (brahma), while we pondered our options. We became more determined and returned across the river and successfully found the targeted walkabout, stayed there for a while for everyone's fair share of drinking games, drama and winnage. After we all bid farewell, I navigated all forms of transport successfully, until I had to rely on my legs. These failed. Epically. And I fell elbow first upon the floor in front of a dude who was all like "Hey guy, you alright" to which I spluttered my apologies and scampered home.

Tired, shattered, and mildly battered

Hungover is the morning state, and the state of hate that shall wait for no man. Or something. So we(the lads) decided to see Hellboy 2, God, Jesus, Zeus, FSM and Xenu knows why, but we did. It was meh. Not particularly good, not really bad, it just existed in suspense in the no-mans land of forgettable big budget films. Better than slicing our genitals with rusty razors though. We returned triumphant to begin the BBQ, lots of nice meat but I stayed off the alcohol as I thought it was the best course of action for my stomach. , Cory and Hessam turn up. Nice. Home to sleep in bed for first night, room total mess but sorted a bit.

Tired in my pants

Was how I felt when we woke up before 7am, so I could drive the van back, with raffle in it, so that we could beat traffic and get van back in time. Well the trip took a stupidly short amount of time and I could drop everything off that needed to be dropped off before getting the van back in plenty of time. Guy didn't even check if it was smashed up or not. Bonus, as I may or may not have scraped it when Susie took me through a VERY NARROW area of England. Anyway, moving swiftly on, I fell asleep at home because my battery was on empty. Soon Rex had driven home and back, picked me up, we went and sorted out Chez STARR a bit, and then headed off to Dartford, to Dan and Tracey's place of inhabiting. Bid our welcomes to the guys, then headed on off into Dartford centre for a very nice curry, and a few cobras before finding a large pub that Laura used to know. Was quite good, drank vast quantities of everything, and shots were involved, followed by Dan and Laura strutting some fancy stuff on the dance floor.

As last orders came around and the place was thinning out,we decided to go to a bar/discothek called Crush, that was purple much to Tracey's liking. Though then Simone and Tracey went home :( We drank and danced more and craziness happened as usual. On way back, dan begged a pizza/fast food owner to re-open his shop, which he did much to everyones surprise. I had some awesome wedges that I proceeded to force on everyone, including Tracey when we got back. I then fell asleep on coach, satisfied. Great evening, hats off to Dartford.

Never trust a bunny

or a van. I hate vans. Today Rex and I woke up at a moderately early hour for 2 likely lads without jobs, and managed to hire a rickety suspicious looking van from a suspicious supplier, to allow us to move into our lovely new house. Now this was an extra tall transit rip off, so not the greatest to drive, still rex drove it to Whitstable, we visited his grandparents, who gave us half their house, specially a really nice dining table, and after saying our fairwells we arrived at Lord Rexalot's abode. After quite a while, we managed to fill most of the van up with Rex's stuff, mostly thanks to his brother's superhuman strength, in that he somehow could hold the entire weight of his wardrobe while going down the stairs. Epic. Rex then drove back to the Orp, where we threw in ruffle's stuff and one or two bits of mine that would fit, before we all headed to Stratford, with ruffle's car behind.

Spent ages unloading vast amounts of stuff and pottering around the house, and using Ruffle's Mum's hoover to clean up the place a bit. Russ headed back home, and then rex and I went back to fill up the van with my stuff and Raffle's stuff, by now it was getting quite late (about 6pm) and we had failed to have dinner. We were also epically tired, blackwall tunnel driving in a crappy van that drifts when u try steer, plus the brakes are a bit like cotton wool. Neither is a dashboard that doesn't light up when ur lights are on, so you can't quite see what speed you're going, and to make matters worse I was driving on my own on the way, and I thought I smashed everything in the back, including all of raffles delicate stuff. I hadn't though. Much.

Anyway after throwing all that stuff in the house, I went off, and tried to get to Shing's Victoria pad via the help of Susie the Sat Nav. I hate susie. After some nice detours across tower bridge and back over westminster bridge I finally made it there, and waited looking EXTREMELY dodgy in a petrol forecourt as Jackie, Viv and Shing slowly loaded up the van with TONS of stuff. Finally, all packed, and took a route of sheer lunacy back to stratford, thanks to susie again. Arrived around 2am or something crazy and unpacked everything, then collapsed in pile, all of us in the basement with sleeping bags as the hippys at our estate agents had failed to deliver the beds in time. Was cosy though. Even if we have to wake up stupid early to drop off van.

The Condition of Faffery

This week I'm sure I've participated in a number of events that will blow your mind. Not many of which come to mind right now. On Saturday we all went to Simone's BBQ, which was great, especially as Dan and Tracey were there, and we all scoffed meat and a few beverages in a civilised situation. On the monday rex came down just for a small massacre and so we all went to monday club. Not too much drinking. I think. Didn't recognise many people there.

Today (thursday), after, me trapsing around london debt collecitng money from raffle and shing for our house deposit and first month of rent, I met Ruff and Rex in Stratford and we spent the next few hours, waiting in the car, faffing around, and waiting for various people who weren't there to sign everything. Eventually it was all sorted, just before closing and we got the house!!... except no house keys for us, so Rex had to run to the nearest locksmith and get them cut. Those crazy fools at Belvoir. Decided not to stay the night as we need to get van tomorrow and move everything in the world in. So we first checked the house/showed it off to ruffle. Currently have no beds or furniture, but we're happy.

New Hobby #Twelfty

Worrying my mum into thinking I'm gay by playing Wham quite loud upstairs in my room. Slammin'

I am also wearing quite short shorts.

*remembers why he wanted to get out of the country in the first place*

Everything is so complicated, and ridiculous. Nothing works correctly, everything costs money and takes more paper work than a french frog quiz. Yes I am going to get a job. No I'm not going to become a permanent bum. Yes I will do this and that, and whatever. Please don't worry, things tend to go alright for me, it's all good, ease off. For now I am focusing on getting my car legal, and moving into our new lovely house. And looking forward to an awesome weekend at D&Ts.

shh. Humour later.

Seriously now,

they've got enough trouble as it is! Give them a break! (shot in hong kong)

Today we have mostly

not been moving in to any houses in the Stratford, London area. So instead I met up with the one they call Colin and decided to make sure the Harvey was still there. It was. And we were joined by Simone, Trev and Ruffle for a few bevvys before returning to our respective abodes. Nice. I thought this entry was going to be longer that it is. I'm sure some humour occurred, possibly involving Trev desiring to build us something for the house, like a bbq, or shelving, or tree house or bondage table.

The Return

After an incredibly long flight from Tokyo, we touched down with amazing perfection to the hallowed turf of Heathrow airport, after a beautiful approach across London, over Stratford, seeing the O2, tower bridge, westminster, and most major touristic landmarks. Progressed through the pointlessness that is terminal 5, although it's really pretty/clean, waiting for a tube to take me on a 20 second journey seemed a slight waste of soul. Thankfully Rex, Shing and Ruffle were at arrivals to meet me, which was a nice surprise and they even created an awesome welcome back sign. Unfortunately for them, they forgot my awesomeness (ahem), and I saw them before they say me, and Shing even walked straight past me to look at arrivals. Using skillery I dropped bags, said "yo" to the guys, and crept up behind shing and I was all like "Nah, I don't think he's gonna come through that way". Much to her initial confusion. KABLAM. I'm back in town.

To recover my lack of sleeping, we went to the only coffee shop I was unable to find on shores so distant: Cafe Nero. An americano and a chat later we were ready to hit the road, after a quick gander at the rest of the terminal. Drive home sucked due to traffic but we got back eventually and did what any Orpingtonian should, and went straight to the Harvest Moon, where we began consuming a strange coloured liquid, with amusing effect. Rachel and her flatmate from France, Shelby, came along as well as Simone for a bit, and we descended in a highly humourous conversation of witticisms, drunkenness and rape. I mean innuendo, culminating in Shelby feeling up Shing in the bosom with a flower. Kapow. Also got a v.nice Thai Green Curry from their extended curry range. After returning home in an overpacked rex-mobile, I babbled in my usual (non)sense to mother and crashed out shattered.

I have been perusing my mind

and my soul and my tin of baked beans, but mainly, and for the purposes of this post, my own blog and I have concluded that uni life was frickin' awesome, and so were all the shinanigans we got up to. I am now expecting a high level of craziness and lunacy based contraptions for our new house. I also will try for the 5th time to get a random post button on this blog, though not sure how, can anyone help (looks at dave). UPDATE: Found a cool widget, so now just click Random Post to your right ->.

What do you mean I shouldn't repair electric cables with plasters? It's worked 3 times hasn't it? Plugs are meant to hiss aren't they?

Gah. Insomnia last night. That'll learn me for going to bed at 11. I was feeling like "just get me back to England" last night, mainly due to some excellent band related chat with Ad, but after an awesome day seeing the amazing sights of Kyoto, it has occured to me that this amazing adventure is coming to an end. Bum clouds anonymous. Why are there constantly children chanting in this hotel, and where are they coming from? I may now use 'Japan' and 'lunacy' as interchangeable words.

Big Sleeves

Gigs are most excellent, though everytime I see a band I still always wish I was the one up there on the stage, but as I said to Rex, my singing shatters eyeballs. I have so many bands to check out now though, on top of bands like Neutral Milk Hotel, Kevin Devine and 'I can make a mess like nobody's business'. I've also got bands from summer sonic, like+

  • Los Campesionos!
  • The Subways
  • Becca
  • Blood Red Shoes

and probably more besides. I must find more to quench my thirst though, suggestions? I may have to ask Dan or Sam, they tend to have 1 or 2 up their sleeve.

I'll tell you what's stressfull

"Stressful?" I hear you cry with somewhat trepid lunacy "How can you be stressed on a 6 month holiday, why I ort to come down there and give you what for". To which I would reply "what for five, haw haw haw" and then proceed to explain how I can't organise my life of meeting people when I get back because I only have a few weekends and I already have like 3 of them booked up with either moving into my own house/celebrating I'm alive and in england, celebrating Danu and Tracey's moving into their house (which they have kindly delayed till I get back, well I'm telling myself that, they may just have been covering everything in a thin layer of plastic to protect it from the ensuing carnage) and the Twits birthday shinanigans which I am sure will involve some form of intoxicating substance. Possibly poppers if Adam's record is anything to go by. Relax....

Anyway, my point is, ARGH. But now pete is going away or something in September, I need to meet up with countless other people, especially a variety of travel reunions, and all in the mean time I need to find a good job, not piss off my mum by only seeing her for 1 night (and what a night it'll be, nudge nudge wink wink, ew ew) in 6 months AND at some point visit exeter as I miss it so much. And Stu smells of cat rape in a vice factory. Furthermore, I had another interesting and rambling point to say, but I got distracted by the farce that is Facebook, oh yeah, all this trouble is because the rest of you lazy ass mofos have jobs, which I don't appreiciate in the slightest. Except maybe Rex and Russ, so we can be some form of rambling/hiking trio, that cross the countryside with nothing but a headscarf and a pocket of beer change between us. Maybe a costa coffee as well. And a llama. Plus an xbox. And some other comical and seemingly random paraphinallia.

Who else thinks I need some form of non Japanese human contact? Yes me to. Or food before I drink strong coffee in the morning. Yes me to. Hush.

P.S. I also need to get down to Brighton and bash out some gigs with Icelandic Dan, for he is the king of all things Icelandicly cool. (yes yes I know I need to see YOU as well, please don't comment and whine, if I mentioned everyone I need to see this post would already be longer, more rambling and far more hilarious than it already is)

Getting down with the sickness

So capsules aren't great to sleep in, especially if they roast you alive. No matter, I have gained some form of illness, or it could just be my body expelling all the crap I breathed in, in china, as I threw up quite spectacularly and felt a bit better then. I did manage, however, to get my Summer Sonic 2008 tickets (Osaka style), whoop whoop, in the face language barriers. My current plan of bands I want to see is:

11.20 The Ting Tings(Sky Stage)
13.10 The Hoosiers(Ocean Stage)
14.20 Biffy Clyro (Sonic Stage)
15.30 The Kooks(Ocean Stage)
19.40/19.50 Cold Play(Ocean Stage) / Fatboy Slim(Sky Stage)

14:20-The Subways(Ocean Stage)
15.30-Zebrahead(Ocean Stage)
16.55-Panic A The Disco(Ocean Stage)
17.15 Death Cab For Cutie(Sonic Stage)
18.10 Lost Prophets(Sky Stage)
19.55 The Prodigy(Ocean Stage)

Bands i miss due to clashes: New Found Glory, part of Panic At The Disco, The Verve, The Fratellis, Sex Pistols

The most annoying part is that Death Cab overlaps Panic At The Disco. Only Brand New could stop me seeing Death Cab For Cutie however. Interestingly the summer sonic site doesn't provide details of how to get to the stadium, but that'll be half the fun I'm sure.

Well that's all depressing in your chest cavity...

I think I need to post something less emo so I don't return to the England and am greeted by a heap of blubbering wrecks. Interestingly, Japanese keyboards, like Tokyo in fact, are mega crazy, and have more keys in awkward places than a contortionist fetish locksmith.


General Ramblings and Observations by Tom of Earth: a cryptic emotionally-driven look into the life of times of the infamous sock wearer, gadget-whore, unintentional blasphemer, hypocrite, servant of Xenu, Pastafarian, absurdist and thantophobic...without me, its just aweso

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