Lollerskates and a bucket of gravy

In me usual suave way I got on the wrong train, instead of the 1218 arriving at 1458 , I got the 1205 arriving at 1408.... 2 hours! Thats insane fast, bonus points. and I got away with it thansk to nice ticket inspector. I've said for a while that stupidety is the new Intelligence.

A clever man once said "a blog's a blog a blogging blog a kit a cat a kitty cat" I'm gonna assume it was Craig David for want of a better role model.

ow. caffeine hurting heart. mmm warmth glow. grammer great.

How to make an energy drink:
mix 2 parts sweet to 5 parts pain and add a dash of "a little bit of sick, little bit of sick"

I think a woman on the train today was negotiating her affair next to me. It's fine, my can o' relentless and crazed eye movements made her susepct I was drinking alcomohol.

I slightly worried my masters is gonna be:

• 7 times to drama
• 7 times the caffeine
• 7 times the time
• Seventy times 7 the work

Also appears my course don't end till 10th September. crud.

wouldn't it be really odd

if I didn't actually exist, and you're actually mentally crazy and dreamt up a person which u perceive (i before e except af....) to exist just to allow your brain to not realise and block out your own mental fragility that is slowly crumbling, supported only by the strangeness of someone you know, as a comparision.

To that extent perhaps you're not actually where you think you are but have in fact constructed an entire world and social construct to support the notion of me existing. You perhaps are possibly in a coma, in a mentally asylum or in any place rather than sitting at a computer reading this.

Perhaps this actual post is a small part of your brain actually trying to drag you back from this fantasy world, trying to alert you to the avalanche of irreversible damage this imaginary situation is doing to your already delicate mind set. Perhaps the sections I bold up in each post are in fact not just random but hold some special significance, to you and your life. Think about it.

Then again if I was imaginary and you'd constructed an entire world to support me, the least you would have done was allow me to spell correctly.

fool.

tuesday sounds like today. But its not

the best bit was the part where my credit card got refused at the petrol station.

I was pondering what would happen if I accidently let it slip to my parents I had a blog, and they were all like "hey guy, where is it" and then I'd have to say, oh I don't want you to see it, its personal. And then if they were as quick witted as some of my minions they'd then question why the hell I publish it to the entire world. I often wonder that. The more people I read, the more general I suspect I must be.

Seriously driving home from exeter at night is much better than anything, especially if you're feeling a bit down, slam on some Brand New, and sing until your voice box collapses inwards. You may call this imploding. I call it Susie. A high blood to caffiene ratio also helps.

If you work for Exeter University look away now: I hacked the uni network so I can use Bittorrent. Obviously for legal things. Like all that...stuff...thats legal...and er on Bittorrent... things like... stuff... damn. Look back now!

Things not to leave near Tom's PC, a) a packet of chocolate chip cookies, b) a loaf of bread, c) a tub of peanut butter d) a spoon.

I've concluded caffiene is the way to a girl's heart.

yo sluts

whoa that was a bit rude, I apologise like Megaman - with no conviction... get it? get it?

u may be thinking to yourself 1 of 2 things:

1) "Wait, I remember why I stopped reading this blog."
or
2)"I wonder what Tom has been up to in the time between his last post, will I have to interpolate?"

no need fearless reader for I shall briefly and sexily update you via the use of gregorian days

Sunday: arrived in exeter fresh faced and with style. Found some shockingly cheaper spoons vouchers and went down to the afformentioned spoons with Stu and Kath, where we started to drink the night away, and met Stu et Kath's friend Nick, so we celebrated by drinking more and Kath taking some scary photos.

Monday: Went to some postgrad meeting malarky with sam and her friend Chris, and then chilled all back down in the ram, old skool style. you knows it

Tuesday: my homeboy Gavin cruised into Exeter with his girlfriend Karen and we went bowling and drinking. Which is quite a perfect combination, seeing as it was only until I had 3 pints in me did I win a game of bowling. Beer - is there anything it can't do.

Wednesday: Went to a postgrad bar crawl, but got petrified and ran home to sort out my 2 and a half men addiction. Thats the show not some sick fetish. you daft racist.

oi

yeah, 'ave it, I'm in exeter. nuff said. room bigger than a soul farm.

I hear I have vouchers for 1p coffee in spoons.... and beer and burger for 2.99. Oh yes oh yes, oh cat hats.

*does the dance exeter style*

take that Sooty.

oi

I'm orf to Exeter. Sort it out kids. I'll be away for a bit while I intend to prove the fact I am actually meant to be at uni and they should give me my room and internet connection

In the mean time look at this ->

Story time

There once lived a lowly farmer, who did nothing all day except tend to his barren and arid land. Oh, how he dreamed of a time where he could electronically in some way express his views, vent his frustrations, share "k3wl l1nkz" and discuss eye socket sex without the moral implications or social reprecussions.

After a lengthy and eye opening discussion with his wife, he was encouraged to leave and make his dreams come true. But not with her. Oh god, not with her. He took with him 7 cows, 2 sheep and an assortment of poultry in the hope of finding his destiny.

He trekked for 40 days and 40 nights without avail, however luckily he had a good stock of food, drink, and stayed in high quality hotels close to local amenities. On the 41st day, a idea struck him, so he proceeded out onto the plains to visit the sole oak tree within screaming distance. On the 42nd day he was struck again, this time by 77 gigawatts of lightening, which travelled from his nose along his finger to a nearby cow.

This transference of electricity forced the cow to combine with the nearby sheep and poultry assortment via several stages of hypnosis and brainwashing. The other cows looked on in shock. As they had also been hit by lightening but to a lesser extent.

The farmer knew exactly what to do, and climbed upon this newly created cow-sheep-poultry hybrid and began to canter along the vast plains of Orpington or somewhere of similar hilarity. Upon reaching 77 miles an hour, nothing happened, but as soon as he got to 83 miles an hour even less happened. Finally at 88 mph a huge blinding flash occured knocking Jake (that's the farmer) 25 ft in the air, and he lost his life to a passing eagle. Fortunatly it was not all in vane as the internet was created. However his dream obviously didn't actually come through as he had no forum to discuss the afformentioned sexual fetish as he was deader than many of my brain cells.

The End.

disillusioned? depressed?

Look no further, just let the Hoff save you.

The Hoff - Jump In My Car:

Tom's Musical Guide Vol 3: New stuff I like

So you're at a loss for albums to get/steal/construct from scratch. Starting breaking even now!:

• Paramore - All We Know Is Falling
  
• Sugarcult - Lights Out
• Taking Back Sunday - Louder Now
  
• Less Than Jake - In With The Out Crowd
  

hmm oki I thought I had more, but I've downloaded a load, we'll soon see

also getting into The Fratellis - Costello Music

Holy freakin' yellowness batman

stoopid monitor, anyway I got me contracts through for accommodation so woo... just need to confirm I'm actually doing me course now.

In other news, check this out, thats my homeboy Pete that is, totally awesome. Man I wish I could contribute something like that to "the scene"

In more somber news, seems like Richard Hammond has been in a jet-powered car accident which might have sounded odd if it wasn't him. He's in a critical condition :/

yeah I wanna scotch egg too, except I have one, mwahhaha

roflcopter

Medical Drama Sketch - That Mitchell and Webb Look

mwahah take that nazi pigs!

thats right, I have accomodation, in a random uni house in pennsylvannia. A little bit scared, but now I can relax and FSU all week. Talking of me being awesome and watching stuff, I've recently got semi-addicted to Ghost Whisperer, tv show with Jennifer Love Hewitt. Trying to finish first series before new series starts.

so yeah, I have nothing interesting to say, but...

Check this cake out, its like OMFGWTFHATS
and well... just read this

Why I miss Exeter

So. You know that feeling you get when you go somewhere for 3 years, make new friends, drink to much alcohol, become an entirely new person, find new interests, learnt new feelings, and loved a place rather than just people? Then you leave it and try and get a job. But you can't be assed. and your all like

"hey Stu, whats your worst nightmare?.... thats right I'm gonna do a masters in Exeter"

well I be feeling that right now. So...To the Ex..Ya can't keep me away.

That's right I'm gonna do a masters and nothing but lack of funds, no accommodation, rejection and serious brain damage can stop me. Applied Artificial Intelligence it is then.

someone once said

To know the true meaning of life you must go to a bar with semi-naked women, fire and drinks at 2 euros a pop. I not sure he was right but it was damn fun trying it. Thats right I'm back in the mix with a bucket of holiday weetabix.

you know its reallly hard to summarise a holiday in a post, I not really sure where to start or end. People may of noticed I didn't even bother for denia cos my brain was mushed. I may try the ole bullet point technique first perfected by one John de la Cocklehead:

• Awesome hotel, nice pool, slow yet good pool bar
• The sink incident
• Rex lookin like a lobster
• Caesers Bar
• Cocktails the size of your torso
  
• Bars with beds in them...
• Many a combination of food establishments
• Colin attempting to pick both me and rex up
• Sun-bathing
• Some good book reading
  
• Goddammit Rex

much more that I can't remember, maybe more later?

I fear I need to explain the sink incident though, so one night we all drank a bit too much, and I ended up vomitting expertly in the toilet, forgetting that colin can handle vomit like Superman can handle kryptonite. So he throws up as well, and anyway some how we discover in the rucus when we turn on the sink tap, water hits our feet. Too drunk to work it out we went to sleep.

The follow morning, through the pounding hangover we remembered and tried to fix it. All we could see is the pipes were horrendously mis-aligned. So we called rex in to try and fix it, cos we couldn't understand what was wrong. After looking at it for a few seconds, he was all like "hey guy, stop kidding my limb" and so we replied "eh?" to which he uttered " you do realise the sink is like a foot from the wall". To which we replied "what the mother fudge", and realised we'd managed to rip the sink from the wall, without even noticing. So a quick yank and it was all good. then we fixed the sink... haw haw. *sigh*

Anyway, back to Caesers...to truely understand Caesers u need to go there, here's a sneak preview:

holy fucking godcakes

Kung-Fu Fuck You

once more my sanity has been brought into question

well let me say this, sanity is in the eye of the beholder:
WANTED: Parkour partner - where's dave when I need him

just done some online verbal test. Man I hate those. they can go to hell. they can go to hell and they can die. But I may have done it alrite. So lets P-A-R-T... Y? cos I gotta.

Recent doggy related feedback:
Raffle: you sound really odd
Tom: well I imagine a small stuffed toy dog would sound pretty odd
Raffle: I'm pretty sure they don't sound at all to be honest

touche young raffle.

and now for something (thankfully) different

brought to you in part by Pret A Manger - confusing Tom since 2006...

Tom: "Hello young sir, I would like to purchase this here preselected sandwich plus a cup of your fine hot chocolate... I mean black coffee"
Pret Dude: *mumbles something*
Tom: "er... Eat in?"
Pret Dude: "aha, milk in your coffee?"
Tom: "no thanks, black like the gates of hell"
*Pret dude wanders off to make coffee*
*Pret dude returns looking slighly puzzled\bemused*
Pret Dude: "You working today?"
Tom: "eh?"
Pret Dude: "You working today?"
Tom: "erm no?"
Pret Dude: "okay.... coffee. *mumbles something*"
Tom: "yes and/or no?"
*Tom watches as he places sandwich in a blantantly take away bag*
Pret Dude: "You want another coffee?"
Tom: "what? erm no thats oki"
Pret Dude: "k its free, I made it with milk by accident"
by which time I was scared and confused so ran away.

Turns out Pret A Manger sandwiches are like the nicest sandwiches in the world though. So I nearly forgave him. I also bought a dope quiksilver bag and scammed freespirit with an expired student card. Go the me.

you know that swoop I was talking about?

well unfortunatly its here. I apologise profusely, it started out awesome. Then somehow my video editing software destroyed the quality of it plus well it wasn't as humourous as I envisioned it but it may get better. *sigh*

Doggy Blog!

I was thinking to myself

(as how would u think to anyone else?) you need to push the boundaries of your media tom. You need to reach the frontier of bloggable content, and far out-stay your welcome. I then also thought I needed a mascot who I confided in, but to do that properly I'd need to video blog. And to do that i'd need a decent cam-corder. And to do that I'd have to be comfortable with myself losing any shred of cool I have left.

But I really wanna. Mainly cos text bores the slightly dirty panties off me (hence my eggs and ham drawing earlier). Tho other major problems include I look st00pid and I my voice is less than understandable.

I solved both of these in 5 foul swoops. or 1.

(more later)

Religion, Life Metaphors and other lies

brought to you in part by Primark - collecting high pitched teenage girls since 1969

I resorted to buying 2 shirts from Primark today, mainly because I rock the mic like a hurricane. I still need a jack bauer style bag tho. To bluewater it is.

there be a murder on the high seas, seriously I cant believe steve irwin died. sucks.

I remembered to eat today. I drew a drawing (as you do) of it:

....they were scrambled eggs

*pulls on his lollerskates and climbs in his roflcopter*

thats right! this post has no purpose, I'm just basically stating that I may have to boycott rachel's blog because her last post not only was quite splendifious but I used up a large proportion of weekly intelligence constructing a somewhat sensual comment. damn.

right, erm ... so how's u? nice weather we're having all sudden isn't it? *sigh* maybe I could construct a humourous blog post from my msn conversations....

you wouldn't catch me at 3am in tooting without a scarf and a strangly arousing piece of foliage...

no? *gets grumpy and stamps his feet* stupid bloody blogs having to live up to expectations lackofwitandwhydidiforgettohave dinnerthiseveningmaniamamuppet

1 or 2lb is a lot heavier than u might expect in the right place

hey kids, how goes it? good good, this weekend I have mostly been drinkin beer and eating meat at rexxors bbq house of doom in whistable. talking of doom we watched it as well, and it was surprisingly not quite as aweful as I might first suspect.

more later, my brain just stopped working...

so after that directorial splenda

Today I've received my membership pack for the British Computing Society, and because my degree was accredited by them, I'm a professional member so I can put the letters MBCS after my name! Gotta collect 'em all, y'all.

at last some one is saving the hedgehogs from global corporatisation!...
where do babies come from in germany?
a cunning trick....not safe for work... or your eyes... or near your parents.
brookers is back. if you don't know who she is, she IS youtube.

nuff said.

new slogan for blog: "So please continue."

Current Addication: 24... again.