Orpington ho!

Unfortunatly no, I have not become the latest hoe in Orpington, we can all hope. However i just drove back again to drop off car. Coach at 6.30, nargh. anyway the main reason for this post:

On the way i thought of this problem, (which i may win the nobel peace prize for!):

I have noticed after careful observation that old people walk slowly because they use half their energy swaying from side to side instead of going in a forwardly direction. Therefore if we construct thin tunnels for them, they'll be unable to do this! and hence speeding up everyday chores and life.

Armed with this new discovery and the will to do good i contacted two highly acclaimed thinkers of our time. Adam and Dave....and soon two sub-set theories had been developed.. I will try and break them down into laymen's terms:

The Theory of Dave: First of all, there is the possiblity we could control their speed two slow them down for corners and "stuff". But as dave pondered, would they be able to stop for stuff? then with a cunning unknown, he also realised that this could also be adapted for penguins! However i was worried about exposing penguins to this until it was fully tested on elderly folk, also then I realised we could perhaps harness the power of their sway for the good of mankind!

The Theory of Adam: Adam on the other hand suspects something more sinister afoot. As he pointed out, it is also true that badgers also wobble a lot when walking....because of this they therefore must have been forced to live in under ground tunnels....as they can move more efficiently and rarely have to surface as they are more vulnerable above ground. Adam thinks they have got around this weakness by "disguising themselves as harmless silver heads, in order to infiltrate the human population and once again try to conquer england". (as apparently according to adam's insider knowledge they tried in world war 2, which he technically describes as a "piss poor" effort)

Okay so now, I have drawn together both of these theories and the original theory of swayage, and I have discovered that our world is a scary and dangerous place. We now do not know if the penguins are disguised as badgers! or badgers are disguised as old folk or even that elderly people are disguised as badgers who are disguised as penguins who are disguised as old people. OH GOD!!! to be continued......


Michael 6:18 pm  

Theory of Mike: Just think what other type of people tend to sway.... thats right- drunk people! The main difference between drunk people (who are full of energy) and old people (who aren't full of energy) is their speed. Therefore following the theories these tunnels should also make drunk people go faster which won't happen because these tunnels don't have a curry distributor located in them. The key therefore to making old people go quicker is curry.

General Ramblings and Observations by Tom of Earth: a cryptic emotionally-driven look into the life of times of the infamous sock wearer, gadget-whore, unintentional blasphemer, hypocrite, servant of Xenu, Pastafarian, absurdist and thantophobic...without me, its just aweso

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