Seriously, I need to stop with the alcohol, it hurts my soul, my kidneys, my liver and my heart. Stupid everything. Awesome party though, some odd music to start with but that soon got fixed and then there was drinking and gaffawing. Not to mention many a mince pie.
Then me and Stu started to do shots from the pretty hot bar woman and it ended up like this:
Post grad Christmas Party
New things!
So I'm feeling janker than Jank McJank from the Jank clan, but check out these new things I have:
Ipod Shuffle
Which on a scale of 1 to sexy, just yes. And its 15g!, how stupidly cute is that. Was only 55 quid which ain't too bad, and will be good for exercise etc.
The Devil And God Are Raging Inside Me
Not only one of the best titles of an album but also totally incredible. Brand New's latest album, took a while to get into, now I can't stop listening to it. Expect a review soon.
The Pick of Destiny
Tenacious D's new album of wonder from their film of the same name. Ownage, though maybe not as good as their first effort. Check it though.
External Harddrive
I also got an uber cheap (39.99) 160gb harddrive for when I got home at christmas to store stuff on and the such like as I'm not probably driving home.
A swarm of updates to smite you with
Check this: I got 95% and 98% in the two courseworks I worked in the ungodly hours to do. They were worth 20% and 40% of modules respectively. AWESOME. Now I'm bored of updating, I'm going to Thursday Night Live 2nite, take that along with these updates I did:
Pooled Co-variance matrices
hello dear friends, your faithful tom, has something he must confide
Look at my hands, they're vastly weird, there's chickens growing inside
you can scream right now, you can scream tomorrow, but while you're standing there
could you pass that bucket, oh blast it and fuck it, I wish I didn't have to swear
but your too slow to help, and quite suspicous at that, you see it is too late
I've exploded all over, your cashmere throw over, some say what a terrible fate
But worst than that, is this rhyming shat, with no consistency throughout
of syllables or rhymes, and a plethera of crimes, of english grammer no doubt
zOMG matHAX!
All you budding mathematical crazy people, check out this:
cool eh? Alternatively check out Russian/Peasant multiplication for all your mathematical needs
yeah take that, along with your face
Bam... and still didn't update
I, like many a straight male or lesbian, probably like this idea:
http://www.speedbandits.dk/
yeah I didn't do enough
eat this:
“It is known that there are an infinite number of worlds, simply because there is an infinite amount of space for them to be in. However, not every one of them is inhabited. Any finite number divided by infinity is as near nothing as makes no odds, so the average population of all the planets in the Universe can be said to be zero. From this it follows that the population of the whole Universe is also zero, and that any people you may meet from time to time are merely products of a deranged imagination.” - Douglas Adams
Per heaped teaspoon
so... I suck don't I? I still haven't updated. Here's my promise to you, I'm gonna go away and work now, if I get a decent amount done by say, 10/10.30 I'll update like a king of the mofos. Otherwise you're all doomed to eternal lack of my updates. Check this after the jump:
*jump*
'Playing on facebook is like sitting in a fridge, cool but pointless.'
sandwich fetish yes/no?
Moderately quick update: This weekend mikey J came down to the Ex and we rolled all over the town drinkin like mofos until ending back at my place with Chloe et Stu, drinking our weight in vodka and snackerals. Love Tesco. We played stupid games like Ring of Fire. Which hurts people
In the morning extrapolated some breakfast and then cruised around town for a bit. Finally we went to see Casino Royale... more on that later you sexy bunnies.
Right in your pie storage cabinet
You remember those times last year when I used to work non stop all night on campus, and come back dead and hallucinating? Well do you? no? then you should fecking read my blog more.
Anyway last night started work at around 8pm I think (though I'd been working all day as well I think) on Neural Networks and Generic and Transferable Skills. At around 9.30 I sprinted to Clydesdale house for 30min to see some of Thursday Night Live. Then ran back and finally finished at fecking 6.03am, which is more stupid than a lot of stuff. Luckily Dan was up on campus till 4am to keep my sanity. Stu was there as well, but I kill him with my shoe.
Then for the next hour I tidied my stupid room, and went to bed at 7am, to be woke up at 10am by room inspector. After this I got an email around 12 just before some lectures from Tammy saying I didn't hand one of the courseworks in. With good reason, I flipped out and ran up to campus and slapped her and ron around till they found it and loved me for being awesome. Then that I had lectures and shit to go to, and fell asleep this arvo.
IT SUCKS. I better get a good grade.
Indeed
A sane man may claim I've only just arrived back from campus (Time check: 06:51) and I've had so much caffeine that not only are my arms shaking but I'm not actually that tired yet. I have however managed to finish my work.
Yes I'm behind on updating. Much more later. In the mean time just wait refreshing this page.
Less Than Jake
Awesome gig, totally sweaty as a fucktart. I must have drank about 10 litres of water or something stupid. Don't combine gigging with beer. The lead singer nearly started on the bouncers for beating up some kid. Sam even got to go on stage, check it foo:
POW!
ZAP
Ahem well yes. Look I'm gonna be honest I'm updating this on the 23rd Nov. So here's a snippet of info we found out tomorrow. Turns out Sam cracked a rib in the mosh pit, which is quite impressive really.
WOOSH.
Housewarming of Adam and Cory
Once upon a time my dear chums, I ventured forth to the magical land that is the drug infested cest pool called Bristol. However it turns out all my preconceptions of this derogatory land of mischief were wrong.
I met the one they call Adam at lunch time and we chilled in some pub that wasn't owned by Wetherspoons. That may shock you, but thats the way we roll. After a few pints of amber nectar we skipped and we hopped through a very nice part of bristol if I do say, the main street anyway, to his abode. With some sexy timing we met Rex, Andy, and Simone outside, and soon progressed inward.
Damn nice apartment tbh, made me feel like I should sort my life out rather than just sucking at Java tests for the 3rd year. I got 65%, yeah its a merit but I wanna be the best *stamps feet*
Anyway, uber apartment, and then we went and got some alcomohol and curry. mmmm after gobbling it all up the party began, with drinks, and strange people with the same name as me who drink way to much for their own good. Yes it sounds like me, but not any more fellow journeyman, I am a sexy reformed character. or something. Finally we went off to some pub/club that was expensive and packed, but was alright
In conclusion: Great weekend and spent lots of money that I don't have.
BAM!
BLAM:
I'd like to in-joke you
right in the eye. Today I have mostly been buying Richard Dawkin's - The God Delusion , I'm hoping it'll be interesting if slightly overzealous in its point. Only £7.95 as well, more bargainous than Xenu himself.
I saw two dead people yesterday. Though their bones were amalgamated into one, which resulted in a very short person somehow, and not 4 legs as you might imagine. Thats right I went on our weekly (or so it seems) AI social in the Well House Tavern, much hilarity was had and I didn't drink too much which is always a bonus for my probably dying liver.
and so...
BAM:
The only good photo from my disposable camera, I think it got Fuxxored.
I just had a jacket potato with tuna mayo
Beat that.
It's celebration time you fiesty people, this is my 568th Post! You know what that means - that's right I've run out of things to say...
BAM!
and there were ferrets everywhere.
DAN! DAN! ICELANDIC DAN!
As you can probably infer from the title I did indeed go to the Death Fest which is Ottery St Mary. And although it was freeeeezing cold and my eye juice froze I had a great time in the end. I went on the Dodgems with Kath - who is a driving maniac, went on a spinny spinny ride, which was freezing but awesome. and I also saw Alex and his posse and Katie/Claire/Dave de la Hardcore/Andy which was dope. And I bought a can of beer from a playschool, which was probably good thing as that was one less that the 12 year old kids could buy or the retard drunkard emo kids.
There Was Fire:
There was Stu and Kath:
There were signs:
And there was danger:
If I was a woman I would rule the world
With the combination of my awesomeness (ahem) and a woman's effort I do believe the leaders of this world would cower at my very presence. Similar to the "Boing" guy I met in WHS smiths who walked into the shop with a toy train in his hand and exclaimed to me sincerely a single word. Which was "Boing" as u may have guessed.
Is it also possible to reach the limit of your intellect? On Friday I totally fucked up a Java exam, like afterwards when peeps were talking it seemed as though I had got EVERYTHING wrong, not sure how I managed that. And it was worth 2% of our degree. GOD dammit.
I forgot to mention, as I haven't blogged, that we had an Applied Artificial Intelligence social on the day of Monday in The Olde Firehouse. Was good fun and even the ledge who is Ed turned up for a few beers and hilarity.
Finally check out my review of Hoodwinked, the 3D laugh fest of the autumn.
Things you didn't know about Tom:
I've never owned a Hi-Fi system.
Omg Google rule
Oki so bigger better posts later for now, I just used Google Scholar. and it must have detected my IP address being from the University of Exeter and some articles have the link "find at Exeter" next to them. Awesome.
I blog therefore I have work to do
I love getting up early
I don't know why I don't do it more often, mainly because I get distracted late at night and don't get to sleep till late. But when ever I get up early I have sooo much time in the day, and the day before starts to feel like a long time ago, which shows I'm living more life. Or something of similar effect. I love being awake.
damn the world tearing us apart like crazy fools attached to God's morning muffin
I was pondering
Google loves Firefox, they're all like, "yo Homeboy, do no evil, get Firefox" which is a good point, however most(?) people who have Firefox use Adblock Plus, which blocks all the ad's they make most of their money from. Talk about paradox. No really, you have 1 minute, no repetition, deviation or hesitation. You are using Adblock Plus yeah....?
GRAPH ALERT!!11!11!!one!!!111
Other points on interest: I stupidly forgot my phone doesn't adapt to the clocks going back. So I woke up at 7am. It's fine I've done two loads of washing and had 2 coffees and a BLT from the Cafe Ritazza.
Kill a man, and all you have left is a poodle
That's right, I'm up at 7am. This does not bode well, however my headache has gone, partly thanks to some crazy ass wack dreams I was having. Today I must work like a crazed man.
shh I need to have a shower
blast it all to hell
Okay so I've wasted the day so far in part to me waking up late, and waking up with a headache to kill all. *grumbles* and no amount of water or caffeine has fixed it. Not only this but I watched Smallville then Disney's High School Musical, which while being time well spent.... I shoulda been doing work.
*sigh*
more later when I can think in a straight line.
Challenge 1:
Create a myspace page that is not a proud display of extreme crap web design. I intend to prove that it can't all me myspace's fault, but the myspace user community who know nothing about good design.
Deadline: 2010.
Things you (probably) didn't know about Tom - Part 2:
I have two scars on the side of my leg/arse where I jumped through a makeshift table and onto a glass that shattered. This happened last year....
Reminder To The Tom:
To make Firefox searches open in a new tab use about:config then change browser.search.openintab
good.
Mwahah Dirty freedom
so it would appear that the girl next door has moved out and no one is gonna be living there till the end of January, which means I've got the entire top floor to myself, check it:
and so with a new state of enlightened bliss I decided to do something crazy and have a bath as I wasn't scared anymore, unfortunately the bath turned out to be foolishly too small as this picture dictates:
No worries though, the water was warmer than death. New Firefox spell check rules, everything I type gets spell checked for me, it makes me warm and fuzzy inside.
Donnie Darko anyone?
Just had my first committee meeting as the SSLC representitive for Applied Artificial Intelligence. Somehow i ended up also being nominated onto some sort of Health and Safety Committee. I got the skillz.
Saw 3 looks pretty dope, and there is even a youtube trailer. Does anyone wanna go to Donnie Darko tonight with me? seriously it'll be dope. At the Picturehouse. Yeah. Also I shoulda seen Brick last night at cinsoc, apparently its the new Donnie Darko.
Went to Clysdale house last night, had a pizza and some drinks with teh stu, then worked a bit with Sam then worked till late... I may have said this all already but I can't remember. Isn't rain odd. It's like stuff falling from the sky, very strange, bit like liquids, they're really weird as well. Imagine if you lived somewhere where there was no liquid (I.e. u were some crazy ass alien) and came here, you would be like "Holy Moly Pudding and Pie, I've evolved past having an eye".
Surprising Things You Didn't Know About Tom - Part 1:
I wouldn't mind if alcohol was made illegal.
Holy moly, getfirefox
no really, new firefox is worth creaming over. NOW. do it.
*sigh* from here
If you use Internet Explorer, get firefox. If you using an old version of firefox, get firefox. If your using opera.... well at least try the new version of firefox.
Damn you Java, you win this round *shakes fist*
Just don't mention penis attacking moths to me and I'll be okay.
So. I've lost all inspiration and I need to get my review of Hoodwinked done quickly before people slap me. Mainly me. I may. Specialise. In. Short sentances. Then again maybe not, cos well I'm on campus again.
my blogging habit broke
mainly an update post for when I'm 60years old and think "hmm I wonder what I did on the weeked of the 21st of October". Well this is it:
On friday I cruised down spoons with Sarah and we had a cheap bottle of wine that hurt me and a western platter. the yum. On Saturday I'm not sure what I did, probably waste time.
Sunday Zoe came down and we all went out to walkabout and drank. then went to rocococococos and got free drinks cos Katie and rob knew the bar man. Bonus points.
Yesterday I didn't do anything, even go to lectures, but then saw Hoodwinked for free at the cinema with Sam, was much awesome, then went for coffee wit zoe and matt. Then library and watched a film with Sam.
Today I am shivering but up early, so bonus points, I need a shower. As I keep saying, hilarity later.
How is an Msc assessed?
Like this:
- 70%+ Distinction. Work of exceptional standard reflecting outstanding knowledge of material and critical ability.
- 60-69% Merit. Work with a well-defined focus, reflecting a good working knowledge of material and good level of competence in its critical assessment.
- 50-59% Pass. Work demonstrating adequate working knowledge of material and evidence of some analysis.
- 40-49% Condonable fail. Limited knowledge of core material and limited critical ability.
- 0-39% Fail. Lacking in basic knowledge and critical ability
enough....enough now
no really. Enough dreams about my teeth falling out, even if it is by a lecturer who looks a lot like Ron Yang who uses tuning forks when I was asleep to remove my teeth to prove some valuable life changing lesson to me. Just no.
Delapitated Shrimp Time! Do the tangy dance ->
Snapshot from Love Actually
Yes I was watching it for like the 5th time, shut up I'm a girl, anyway, check it. The dude in the white coat, I own that coat! Well the same type anyway, it's Nike and from my nike days, oh the memories. Anyway. Hilarity later.
I'm just too post-grunge melodic hardcore for it now.
anyone wanna go for a drink?
seriously, I'm not lying, Lost In Translation is one of the greatest acted films ever. Love the stuff. I'm thinking of inspiration. any ideas? requests? pornographic displays of affection? perhaps a quart of whiskey?
okay you got me, I don't know what a quart is. Damn your eyes. I'll tell you one thing though, mug of coffee just got rid of my headache. oh no wait its coming back, MORE CAFFIENE.
Mini-Rant: The word tolerance shouldn't be used. We shouldn't be "tolerant" of other cultures, and races etc, because that sounds as if they're a burden we have to put up with. We should embrace like they are our own, but still feel pride in our own. Also we shouldn't concentrate on organising events for "International" students, we should just organise events for EVERYONE. The more we segregate situations and people the less productive we are on making this world a happy tangy place. so there.
I drew you a diagram to help:
whoa blogger is slow today
bit like my eye muscles still. What stimulation? check out my review of the Wizard of Oz:
Click it like its free of oppression
shit my LOLLERSKATES lost a wheel
Haw Haw just kidding, got ya there. Here's the actual Geography Lesson:
Question 1. What colour is spiderman's crayon?
Answer: Trick question, its not a colour, its Qubec.
Question 2. If Timmy was given 5 crayons, but John's coastal erosion was treated by a Spanish Doctor, how many crayons will it take to colour in Europe?
Answer: Trick Question - Timmy isn't a real person.
A Geography Lesson
This is Italy. Formed once out of the dregs of a spilt pint of water.
It's main exports are mo-peds, poncing about and hats. Gross Annual Nubla Rate is approx. 5.7 to every 3.
The intention of this post is not to screw with your soul...
By the famous artist Tom "Le honk" Barker entitled "That time I realised why I probably don't understand anything"
well ding dong, the witch in bed
I may have misheard that come to think of it. Welcome to National "I'm sure the fact my margarine is near liquid in texture is fine" day.
More on my trip to Oz later.
I seem to have tomorrow off which is nice, and I'm still in turmoil whether to run for Events Co-ordinator for the Postgraduate Society. I'm not sure its what I want to do, and the politics within the guild are just too ridiculous and prevent any efficient action to be done. This doesn't help with people offering unconstructive critiscm and generally preventing anyone from accomplishing anything. Plus I really need to do this so called degree that I'm doing. Then again it would look good on my CV, but I still have Xnet, course rep and I may do some cinsoc stuff.
Damn girl next door trapsing all around the bathroom naked and wet, and obviously (from the foot prints) going to the toilet in a wet state.
You know what the best tattoo ever would be? one of a sundial shape on the underside of your for-arm, and then when you stick your middle finger up towards say north, u would be able to tell the time. priceless really. g'wan rex, u want a tattoo
The fools!
Someone let me write reviews and publish them on a website! When will they learn!
Taking Back Sunday - Louder Now by Tom Barker
*opens a human tongue shop*
cos thats the way I roll. Dammit I feel I'm so far behind all my lectures already, damn my lack of mathematics.
On a nicer note though, I'm the Committee Rep for my course and hopefully will be an Events Co-Ordinator for the Post Graduate society. Other revelations later.... *looks mysterious*
Quite stressed at moment, not sure why, was feeling quite negative yesterday evening, though bumped into Chloe and she helped me buy a can of diet coke and I felt better. Thank you miss chloe *nods*
Anyone wanna wash my clothes and/or dishes. but not simultanously. More later my brain can't think of humour.
give me a bucket and I will sing
there's a bucket full of pain in this glass
but does that mean my glass is only half you ask
there's a cat full of hat in my room
but yesterday's just tomorrow come to soon
there's a little bit of vomit in my throat
and its probably from my diet not your boat
there's a lot of waste of time in this blog
but 7 times says reading this you just can't stop
there's a hella lot of drama in my queen
but now my livers only half the size of my spleen
thank you thank you, I'm here all week.
touch that and I'll break ya frickin' face
I often wonder if my liver had a brain. and its brain cells weren't all dead if i hates me more than hate itself.
Awesome weekend wit the homeys down, but we drank way too much, the pubs of choice were Ram -> Impy -> Tower Inn Ferno -> Curry place -> New Spoons -> Firehouse. I'm sure mike has a good collection of dangerous photos. we had breakfast this morning in spoons and went around town a while, death was close to me.
I think I need a new msn photo, suggestions on a post card to hell. MWAHahhahwahah
before you buckle at your knees
the ex homeboys are coming down this weekend. In about an hour or so in fact, oh noes! my nakedness is at mach 7. anyway, concerning this weekend we have:
The Rules of Engagement
- Thou shalt not vomit in anyone's shoes
- Thou alcohol must be consumed away from naked flames
- Thou shalt not sell shabby products under a suspicious tone of authority.
- Thou shalt not return drunk and fall into my guitar/computer/soul
- Thou shalt not sleep with my underwear in the cupboard.
on a related note, south park is just as awesome as ever, check out the next episode, about 911 as such. I'm sure its fine for me to link to it *cowers from the mpaa*
myspace, facebook, etc
"on the downside they're loaded with sexual predators... on the plus side their also loaded with sexual prey"
Too close for missles, I'm switching to honey covered cats
Yo my fellow slightly preturbed and overally way too bemused readers. Today is the day in which I tell thee that today is a day. Its a day.
On Wednesday we went to Star's for Katies birthday eaterie, and good holy stomach food batman I got ribs and it was the biggest thing I'd seen in my entire life. After eating all the ribs I still had what looked like a full plate of spiraly fries and coleslaw and salad. Those crazy fools. We drank guiness and then cruised off down to amber rooms, which probably was a bad idea for someone with zero the money.
On Thursday after amusingly watching stu come into our lecture an hour and 10 minutes late I paniced and tried to find a costume for the party for Katie that night. Kids characters. Superman it was then, my hair was cool, tho I don't remember Superman ever wearing ripped jeans and DCs. Damn hippys. Anyway alex dressed up as a vampire without teeth, so I felt better. Before hand we went to the post grad elections, where Sam "pwned" everyone and became president of ze world. We all dressed up... Sam as the Absynthe fairy, very kiddy and progressed to the party where the amount of effort people had put into their constumes was awesome.
Apart from the hired batman, big bird and tellytubby costume, there were home made awesome versions of Bill and/or Ben the flowerpot man (made from b&q!!), Wonder woman by louise, mad hatter by claire (with jack daniels tea pot!), and many more besides, including Katie's tinker bell. Awesomeness. Tho some crazy drunk man turned up, who for want for a better word, was a cock.
this post is far too long and my heart hurts. I have 2 lectures and then need to fix this place up cos its the Ex reunion of such tomorrow. Power to the people.
so last night I said
"Hey guy, stop hacking up my soul with your pre-packaged peer pressure, I'm not gonna go out, or spend money or drink alcohol."
oh how wrong I was, hilarity was high as well, not only with me completely missing stu who was sitting right in front of me, but I also succeeded in calling him a splat of wank. Started in the Ram, with Alex, Chris, Hardcore dave and random fools from dave's old flat, and stu, kath and nick were there as well and I was like yo.
Soon me and Alex passed and moved to the lemmy where Katie and Claire avec housemates were there, Katie was slightly the drunk which was highly amusing. Not only this but my housemate Nat was there as well but even tho we've talked quite a few times she only recognised me cos of my luridly yellow jacket, so I sorted her out. In a respectable manner without even resorting to knee cap removal.
I forgot to mention I have the net back in my room and I have been investigated watching new eps of series without downloading them, like on youtube and blip.tv and dailymotion and whatever other l337 ways I can find. Stu and I went to a lecture today which was so pointless we again spent the entire lecture communicating via the medium of pen.
Random Quote
"I dreamt of Cox" - Me, followed by Stu head butting the wall in anguish.
you know sucks
not even having enough change in your pockets and room combined to be able to wash some clothes.
so the new episode of south park
Is totally awesome and you can watch it in full here, you lucky lucky kids.
** Spoiler **
"When Hitler rose to power there were a lot of people who just stopped playing, you know who those people were? The French. Are you French?"
paranoia in the discothek...
man I love book shops, if I was the richer I'd go and buy like everything. There's even a book about blogging in our uni shop. Which is pretty stupid cos they only have 10 comp sci books and one of them is something airy fairy like that. No matter, I am the Blogging master. I pwnz teh iNternetz.
free coffee in comp sci building today, due to the shop opening late or something. cappachino tastes a bit too creamy for my liking, how can they not do Tom's patented coffee as black as the gates of hell?
Task for today: call stu a wanksplat for the hell of it.
I have a lecture AND a meeting today, man my days are so packed I'm close to being squishmoshed.
Havn't you heard that I'm the new cancer, I've never looked better and you can't stand it...
sup bluds
I hear the library computer room is the place to be when you're there and you're square. And you're still banned from the net like some crazy dutch bastard.
I got up at 1pm today. I mean wtf? thats not the way to go. Need to get into a routine and read some books, once the damn Stu orders them *shakes fist*.
Orp fools: are we still goin to amsterdamn in easter, if so I need to put some cash aside and not buy anything for a while. Like food. take that DJ gravy monster samuel.
Went ram, alex's and blackie on friday nite with nick, chloe and alex. and on saturday night went rileys then firehouse with Sam, where i wasn't meant to be drinking but ended up having 4 pints. Tho two of them were a quid so I can be let off. Awesomely tho, Jamie (sam's boyfriend) knows I often order guiness in the firehouse, so I can now swagger in there and go "yo dude, the usual" and I'll be cooler than the fonz on a surfboard.
for your pleasure, the Student Guild's (like a student union but apparently different) introduction video:
*?#* you pig!
oki so it just took me a minute to find the # key on the keyboard, man I shouldn't be doing a comp sci masters.
Today's connundrums are, if Tony Jaa launched a flying knee butt at you (thats not a type of fish) how would u defend yourself if you had no weapons?
Also do people who are claustraphobic have to avoid showers and toilet cubicles, as I'm sure that could be a tad awkward when you need a poop.
I'll tell you something else that has a hat level of 7, on the walk to campus I was crossing the road and some dude in a car stopped me right in the middle of the god damn road to ask directions to the prison. Surely not the safest place for a tom.
Update on my net status, turns out I got banned cos they thought I had a virus, probably cos I tunnelled a load of traff... blah blah tech speak blah blah shoe horn blah albatross blah blah right in the blah blah sticky but blah blah damn tasty.
Dj Yoda's new album is dope, check it you crazy fools.
what people say about my blog:
"i like your blog it's largely irrelavent gobalgygook" - Danu
"I like your blog, it makes me happy, like a big internet cyber hug of tomness" - Sam
"I commend your blogging Thomas" - Stu
"Your blog? Well it's humoristique, quelquefois assez 'geeky'...I don't know, just natural, funny, slightly eccentric...humour and sarcasm and info and emotastic doodles" - Raffle
more later...
you know what else is annoying
Missing Terry Pratchett's signing sesh at smiths and not being able to damn well think of something to code.
mccoys stab all other crisps in the face and leave them to die in the gutter
no reason, they're just crazy and awesome. On a related note, can wolverine be drowned?
In a crazy attempt at a cunning stunt bonus I got a load of books from the library last night at like 8pm. I may have said on the last two blogs but I can't remember.
I'm now gonna read to chapter 3 of my neural networks book. Take that Tom cruise!
I agree
I do need a digital camcorder, but apart from scamming someone in lanzarote I got no where near the cash to afford such a thing.
I'm sure u don't care but I thought I'd tell you in case I capture some hot and rich girl's heart, and then I can hold it for ransom, for the princely sum of 1 camcorder. and a frickin' quiet space bar.
Soft toy sex is NOT funny. Its sick, perverted, disgusting and hilarious. Bonus points.
yeah true I'm just typing for the hell of it, but you'd miss it if my keyboard was melted down in polyoxihatasaurous oxide. wouldn't you. yes. next:
Song of the week: The Get Up Kids - Campfire Kids.
Reasons I'm annoyed:
- My Ds Lite has a crack in the hinge, stupid nintendo with faulty DS's still being sold in the shops
- I seem to be banned from the internet in my room for downloading legal torrents on bittorrent. You may not believe me that there are in fact legal torrents. Check out legaltorrents.com and many a linux distro. *le sigh* I even scheduled no downloading 9-5 during day AND limited it to 50kb/s anyway.
- Firefox doesn't work on any blasted computer on uni at the moment for some reason
- All the computers in the masters computer room seem b0rked
- To be able to log into my blog I had to download a portable version of Opera cos cookies are h4xxored.
- Grrr
- The toilet cubicles in the library toilets can be unlocked from the outside?!
- My throat has a tickle in it. Not jon tickle I add.
- Yams!!!!
- All the Neural Network books by Bishop have been taken out of the library.
- I have like no money
- I'm uber tired cos I couldn't sleep and kept dreaming about telling people about my dreams from previous night. I fear the problem could be exponential
- The space bar on this keyboard is way too loud and probably annoying everyone in the library
- I keep running outta time in the day to do anything
- I can't think of any more reasons.
- I love uni man. Booya
I hear the healthyest thing u can do is buy over half a kilo of coleslaw that runs out by the end of the day.
me stu and kath did the pool thang on monday, and I got nicely traunched, but I showed a slight improvement over the evening, tbh lack of alcohol probably didn't help my chances.
Was gonna X-media social it up last night, but my money is so non-existent its not even of the humourous kind of variety. and I need books. and some smoothies.
Got like no sleep last night but at one point in a dozy state paniced cos I thought I'd swallowed my phone. *nods*
hilarity later.
ya can't beat stapling
so the conclusion to today was, why did I drink enough beer to drown an elephant and eat just about nothing yesterday. Luckily I managed not to vomit all over my homey Ron Yang in my first lecture, even though he thought Stu was me somehow. Damn ed spreading vicious rumours.
I'd also like to apologise to Alex for stealing his beer, Alex's housemates for putting up with me, Sam for not stabbing me after my smoking rant and anyone else who had to witness me :P
Geometry
Its what you say when your a common shrubbery.....
and so the award for best text message to tom goes to adam for this one:
"Man, alcohol told me it wants to fuck you up, watch your back fool"
Went to firehouse last night, there was guiness involved and hookers. minus the hookers.
I often wonder if there is some limit to the amount of tv shows I can watch, luckily I'm half man half machine, and 7 times as square eyed
Freshers squash 2moz, society joinage alert
oh and its "G, I'm a tree"
Lollerskates and a bucket of gravy
In me usual suave way I got on the wrong train, instead of the 1218 arriving at 1458 , I got the 1205 arriving at 1408.... 2 hours! Thats insane fast, bonus points. and I got away with it thansk to nice ticket inspector. I've said for a while that stupidety is the new Intelligence.
A clever man once said "a blog's a blog a blogging blog a kit a cat a kitty cat" I'm gonna assume it was Craig David for want of a better role model.
ow. caffeine hurting heart. mmm warmth glow. grammer great.
How to make an energy drink:
mix 2 parts sweet to 5 parts pain and add a dash of "a little bit of sick, little bit of sick"
I think a woman on the train today was negotiating her affair next to me. It's fine, my can o' relentless and crazed eye movements made her susepct I was drinking alcomohol.
I slightly worried my masters is gonna be:
- 7 times to drama
- 7 times the caffeine
- 7 times the time
- Seventy times 7 the work
wouldn't it be really odd
if I didn't actually exist, and you're actually mentally crazy and dreamt up a person which u perceive (i before e except af....) to exist just to allow your brain to not realise and block out your own mental fragility that is slowly crumbling, supported only by the strangeness of someone you know, as a comparision.
To that extent perhaps you're not actually where you think you are but have in fact constructed an entire world and social construct to support the notion of me existing. You perhaps are possibly in a coma, in a mentally asylum or in any place rather than sitting at a computer reading this.
Perhaps this actual post is a small part of your brain actually trying to drag you back from this fantasy world, trying to alert you to the avalanche of irreversible damage this imaginary situation is doing to your already delicate mind set. Perhaps the sections I bold up in each post are in fact not just random but hold some special significance, to you and your life. Think about it.
Then again if I was imaginary and you'd constructed an entire world to support me, the least you would have done was allow me to spell correctly.
fool.
tuesday sounds like today. But its not
the best bit was the part where my credit card got refused at the petrol station.
I was pondering what would happen if I accidently let it slip to my parents I had a blog, and they were all like "hey guy, where is it" and then I'd have to say, oh I don't want you to see it, its personal. And then if they were as quick witted as some of my minions they'd then question why the hell I publish it to the entire world. I often wonder that. The more people I read, the more general I suspect I must be.
Seriously driving home from exeter at night is much better than anything, especially if you're feeling a bit down, slam on some Brand New, and sing until your voice box collapses inwards. You may call this imploding. I call it Susie. A high blood to caffiene ratio also helps.
If you work for Exeter University look away now: I hacked the uni network so I can use Bittorrent. Obviously for legal things. Like all that...stuff...thats legal...and er on Bittorrent... things like... stuff... damn. Look back now!
Things not to leave near Tom's PC, a) a packet of chocolate chip cookies, b) a loaf of bread, c) a tub of peanut butter d) a spoon.
I've concluded caffiene is the way to a girl's heart.
yo sluts
whoa that was a bit rude, I apologise like Megaman - with no conviction... get it? get it?
u may be thinking to yourself 1 of 2 things:
1) "Wait, I remember why I stopped reading this blog."
or
2)"I wonder what Tom has been up to in the time between his last post, will I have to interpolate?"
no need fearless reader for I shall briefly and sexily update you via the use of gregorian days
Sunday: arrived in exeter fresh faced and with style. Found some shockingly cheaper spoons vouchers and went down to the afformentioned spoons with Stu and Kath, where we started to drink the night away, and met Stu et Kath's friend Nick, so we celebrated by drinking more and Kath taking some scary photos.
Monday: Went to some postgrad meeting malarky with sam and her friend Chris, and then chilled all back down in the ram, old skool style. you knows it
Tuesday: my homeboy Gavin cruised into Exeter with his girlfriend Karen and we went bowling and drinking. Which is quite a perfect combination, seeing as it was only until I had 3 pints in me did I win a game of bowling. Beer - is there anything it can't do.
Wednesday: Went to a postgrad bar crawl, but got petrified and ran home to sort out my 2 and a half men addiction. Thats the show not some sick fetish. you daft racist.
oi
yeah, 'ave it, I'm in exeter. nuff said. room bigger than a soul farm.
I hear I have vouchers for 1p coffee in spoons.... and beer and burger for 2.99. Oh yes oh yes, oh cat hats.
*does the dance exeter style*
take that Sooty.
oi
I'm orf to Exeter. Sort it out kids. I'll be away for a bit while I intend to prove the fact I am actually meant to be at uni and they should give me my room and internet connection
In the mean time look at this ->
Story time
There once lived a lowly farmer, who did nothing all day except tend to his barren and arid land. Oh, how he dreamed of a time where he could electronically in some way express his views, vent his frustrations, share "k3wl l1nkz" and discuss eye socket sex without the moral implications or social reprecussions.
After a lengthy and eye opening discussion with his wife, he was encouraged to leave and make his dreams come true. But not with her. Oh god, not with her. He took with him 7 cows, 2 sheep and an assortment of poultry in the hope of finding his destiny.
He trekked for 40 days and 40 nights without avail, however luckily he had a good stock of food, drink, and stayed in high quality hotels close to local amenities. On the 41st day, a idea struck him, so he proceeded out onto the plains to visit the sole oak tree within screaming distance. On the 42nd day he was struck again, this time by 77 gigawatts of lightening, which travelled from his nose along his finger to a nearby cow.
This transference of electricity forced the cow to combine with the nearby sheep and poultry assortment via several stages of hypnosis and brainwashing. The other cows looked on in shock. As they had also been hit by lightening but to a lesser extent.
The farmer knew exactly what to do, and climbed upon this newly created cow-sheep-poultry hybrid and began to canter along the vast plains of Orpington or somewhere of similar hilarity. Upon reaching 77 miles an hour, nothing happened, but as soon as he got to 83 miles an hour even less happened. Finally at 88 mph a huge blinding flash occured knocking Jake (that's the farmer) 25 ft in the air, and he lost his life to a passing eagle. Fortunatly it was not all in vane as the internet was created. However his dream obviously didn't actually come through as he had no forum to discuss the afformentioned sexual fetish as he was deader than many of my brain cells.
The End.
Tom's Musical Guide Vol 3: New stuff I like
So you're at a loss for albums to get/steal/construct from scratch. Starting breaking even now!:
- Paramore - All We Know Is Falling
- Sugarcult - Lights Out
- Taking Back Sunday - Louder Now
- Less Than Jake - In With The Out Crowd
also getting into The Fratellis - Costello Music
Holy freakin' yellowness batman
stoopid monitor, anyway I got me contracts through for accommodation so woo... just need to confirm I'm actually doing me course now.
In other news, check this out, thats my homeboy Pete that is, totally awesome. Man I wish I could contribute something like that to "the scene"
In more somber news, seems like Richard Hammond has been in a jet-powered car accident which might have sounded odd if it wasn't him. He's in a critical condition :/
yeah I wanna scotch egg too, except I have one, mwahhaha
mwahah take that nazi pigs!
thats right, I have accomodation, in a random uni house in pennsylvannia. A little bit scared, but now I can relax and FSU all week. Talking of me being awesome and watching stuff, I've recently got semi-addicted to Ghost Whisperer, tv show with Jennifer Love Hewitt. Trying to finish first series before new series starts.
so yeah, I have nothing interesting to say, but...
Check this cake out, its like OMFGWTFHATS
and well... just read this
Why I miss Exeter
So. You know that feeling you get when you go somewhere for 3 years, make new friends, drink to much alcohol, become an entirely new person, find new interests, learnt new feelings, and loved a place rather than just people? Then you leave it and try and get a job. But you can't be assed. and your all like
"hey Stu, whats your worst nightmare?.... thats right I'm gonna do a masters in Exeter"
well I be feeling that right now. So...To the Ex..Ya can't keep me away.
That's right I'm gonna do a masters and nothing but lack of funds, no accommodation, rejection and serious brain damage can stop me. Applied Artificial Intelligence it is then.
someone once said
To know the true meaning of life you must go to a bar with semi-naked women, fire and drinks at 2 euros a pop. I not sure he was right but it was damn fun trying it. Thats right I'm back in the mix with a bucket of holiday weetabix.
you know its reallly hard to summarise a holiday in a post, I not really sure where to start or end. People may of noticed I didn't even bother for denia cos my brain was mushed. I may try the ole bullet point technique first perfected by one John de la Cocklehead:
- Awesome hotel, nice pool, slow yet good pool bar
- The sink incident
- Rex lookin like a lobster
- Caesers Bar
- Cocktails the size of your torso
- Bars with beds in them...
- Many a combination of food establishments
- Colin attempting to pick both me and rex up
- Sun-bathing
- Some good book reading
- Goddammit Rex
I fear I need to explain the sink incident though, so one night we all drank a bit too much, and I ended up vomitting expertly in the toilet, forgetting that colin can handle vomit like Superman can handle kryptonite. So he throws up as well, and anyway some how we discover in the rucus when we turn on the sink tap, water hits our feet. Too drunk to work it out we went to sleep.
The follow morning, through the pounding hangover we remembered and tried to fix it. All we could see is the pipes were horrendously mis-aligned. So we called rex in to try and fix it, cos we couldn't understand what was wrong. After looking at it for a few seconds, he was all like "hey guy, stop kidding my limb" and so we replied "eh?" to which he uttered " you do realise the sink is like a foot from the wall". To which we replied "what the mother fudge", and realised we'd managed to rip the sink from the wall, without even noticing. So a quick yank and it was all good. then we fixed the sink... haw haw. *sigh*
Anyway, back to Caesers...to truely understand Caesers u need to go there, here's a sneak preview:
once more my sanity has been brought into question
well let me say this, sanity is in the eye of the beholder:
WANTED: Parkour partner - where's dave when I need him
just done some online verbal test. Man I hate those. they can go to hell. they can go to hell and they can die. But I may have done it alrite. So lets P-A-R-T... Y? cos I gotta.
Recent doggy related feedback:
Raffle: you sound really odd
Tom: well I imagine a small stuffed toy dog would sound pretty odd
Raffle: I'm pretty sure they don't sound at all to be honest
touche young raffle.
and now for something (thankfully) different
brought to you in part by Pret A Manger - confusing Tom since 2006...
Tom: "Hello young sir, I would like to purchase this here preselected sandwich plus a cup of your fine hot chocolate... I mean black coffee"
Pret Dude: *mumbles something*
Tom: "er... Eat in?"
Pret Dude: "aha, milk in your coffee?"
Tom: "no thanks, black like the gates of hell"
*Pret dude wanders off to make coffee*
*Pret dude returns looking slighly puzzled\bemused*
Pret Dude: "You working today?"
Tom: "eh?"
Pret Dude: "You working today?"
Tom: "erm no?"
Pret Dude: "okay.... coffee. *mumbles something*"
Tom: "yes and/or no?"
*Tom watches as he places sandwich in a blantantly take away bag*
Pret Dude: "You want another coffee?"
Tom: "what? erm no thats oki"
Pret Dude: "k its free, I made it with milk by accident"
by which time I was scared and confused so ran away.
Turns out Pret A Manger sandwiches are like the nicest sandwiches in the world though. So I nearly forgave him. I also bought a dope quiksilver bag and scammed freespirit with an expired student card. Go the me.
I was thinking to myself
(as how would u think to anyone else?) you need to push the boundaries of your media tom. You need to reach the frontier of bloggable content, and far out-stay your welcome. I then also thought I needed a mascot who I confided in, but to do that properly I'd need to video blog. And to do that i'd need a decent cam-corder. And to do that I'd have to be comfortable with myself losing any shred of cool I have left.
But I really wanna. Mainly cos text bores the slightly dirty panties off me (hence my eggs and ham drawing earlier). Tho other major problems include I look st00pid and I my voice is less than understandable.
I solved both of these in 5 foul swoops. or 1.
(more later)
Religion, Life Metaphors and other lies
brought to you in part by Primark - collecting high pitched teenage girls since 1969
I resorted to buying 2 shirts from Primark today, mainly because I rock the mic like a hurricane. I still need a jack bauer style bag tho. To bluewater it is.
there be a murder on the high seas, seriously I cant believe steve irwin died. sucks.
I remembered to eat today. I drew a drawing (as you do) of it:
....they were scrambled eggs
*pulls on his lollerskates and climbs in his roflcopter*
thats right! this post has no purpose, I'm just basically stating that I may have to boycott rachel's blog because her last post not only was quite splendifious but I used up a large proportion of weekly intelligence constructing a somewhat sensual comment. damn.
right, erm ... so how's u? nice weather we're having all sudden isn't it? *sigh* maybe I could construct a humourous blog post from my msn conversations....
you wouldn't catch me at 3am in tooting without a scarf and a strangly arousing piece of foliage...
no? *gets grumpy and stamps his feet* stupid bloody blogs having to live up to expectations lackofwitandwhydidiforgettohave dinnerthiseveningmaniamamuppet
1 or 2lb is a lot heavier than u might expect in the right place
hey kids, how goes it? good good, this weekend I have mostly been drinkin beer and eating meat at rexxors bbq house of doom in whistable. talking of doom we watched it as well, and it was surprisingly not quite as aweful as I might first suspect.
more later, my brain just stopped working...
so after that directorial splenda
Today I've received my membership pack for the British Computing Society, and because my degree was accredited by them, I'm a professional member so I can put the letters MBCS after my name! Gotta collect 'em all, y'all.
at last some one is saving the hedgehogs from global corporatisation!...
where do babies come from in germany?
a cunning trick....not safe for work... or your eyes... or near your parents.
brookers is back. if you don't know who she is, she IS youtube.
nuff said.
new slogan for blog: "So please continue."
Current Addication: 24... again.