witty, to shitty, in 5 minutes gritty

Aren't my witticisms still so witty?
My stick men emo and so pretty?
Is each post just a cognitive bore?
It's as if you don't love me no more.

Are my anecdotes too convoluted
Should my entire life be rebooted?
My hits have fallen through the floor
It's as if you don't love me no more

Does the orange clash with your eyes?
A lack of dog videos or recipes for pies?
Do you finally agree with the law
It's as if you don't love me no more

Am I always too far out of date?
Is there too much booty and poo to rate?
Is it because I went round you mother's house and explained about that time when we were both bored and got wacked out on acid, and begin creating a robot snail army using her vegetable collection, only to mistakenly use her recent ann summers order instead, which shook her to her core,
It's as if you don't love me no more
Love me no mooooooooorrrrrrreeeee
Owwooooo my arse is sore.

Give me your flan

Didn't do much yesterday, until young Colin came (all over the place) and bought me dinner romantically as he was working in the excel centre, so we got curry from the Spice Ville/Villa. Pretty good, though Muskaan is definitely better, meatier keema naans to start with, and we all know how I like to gobble meat. *sigh* Got Far Cry 2 as well, very GTA like, though in some crazy country.

Today I got up at some silly hour, like 7am, so I could drive to Woking, where I picked up the legend who is Icelandic Dan. From there we bust out, towards skies of blue and suns of scorching death. Got into Exeter surprisingly early, at around 12.40, so we had time pop in to chat with Jacq before meeting up with Stu, Zena, and The G-Man, in the Ram, for a swift pint or two, followed by Gordy and I wibbling up to Dan's lecture. Seriously good times being with the homeys again. Dan's lecture was extremely good, and interesting, especially when he was acting out the various actions of units. Chatted with everson and the gang for a bit, before Dan and I invade Ed's room and caught up with him. Will try and get the Edmeister out sometime over the weekend.

Was shattered by this point, so dropped Dan off, in the rain, at his friends house, and got myself checked into the Breaside hotel, which seems extremely good. Munched down some Fish and Chips, then fell asleep fully clothed on my bed, my bad, sorry Dan!

Caffeine Rambles #3

I'm desperately looking forward to Exeter this weekend, where I see Dan Dan Icelandic Dan's lecture, meet up with the AI homeys, including the G-man himself, but not Stu or Carlos. On the Sat I can see Claire and Dave, and then on the Sunday I can drink my rugged face off with the Stu I know and love. After which I'll meet up with Mr Drapier. HAW HAW. Good times. Though it does leave the house without a working laptop. Or Car.

Advice: If you ever book some rooms through LateRooms, and want to extend your stay, contact the hotel directly, they often still have room even if LR tell you they don't.

Hmmm, disappointingly I've run out of rambling and with an hour until I met Danu, I'm at a slight loss of what I should do. Maybe swapping music from Straylight Run to The Elected could possible help. But that will just encourage me to go to America. Ah well. I also have to walk around with a bright shiny purple bag with Tracey's present in. I also wrote a short poem for it:

To our celebratory Tracey,
To avoid gifts too racy,
or predictably of purple
enclosed is a pirate turtle

I'm quite excited that Dan will be waiting for me at the bar with 2 pints, and we'll be all professional like:

"Hello my old chum"
"Ah, my friend, cracking day to invest some stocks"
"I concur, the market looks particularly peachy"
"Couldn't have expressed it better, how's the BumFun accounts?"
"Dire I'm afraid, but I've rerouted power to the auxillery hooker factory"
"Make it so number one!"
"Rebranding concussion most likely"
"Oh FTSEing hell"

And so on. I'm sure you get the technicolour picture.

Joff reckons I need to do some exercise to prevent some form of Peter Petrelli explosion of frustration. Wouldn't mind picking up tennis again. I'm meant to help my mum take some dead bodies down the dump tomorrow, but I kinda want to catch up on my blog so 1) I can post this 2) I'm at peace before I storm the pearly gates of Exeter.

The RBS building across the street is very pretty, all glass with a glass lobby lift and palm trees. The trees aren't glass. I tried to ascertain if Dan works there, but I don't he knows himself where he works. Gonna wander->

Caffeine Rambles #2

As I was saying, your mum shouldn't touch me there, I'd prefer it a bit lower/deeper (delete as appropriate). Further more, I had lunch paid for by the agent dude, so we went to ASK and I burnt my mouth subtly on lasagna. When eating with someone you don't know well in a restaurant, I find it hard to know where to look when talking to them, especially if they are male (obviously if they were female you stare longingly at their soft velvety lips, wishing for the 2 feet and trillions of atoms between you to collapse onto themselves, bringing you together in a beautifully exquisite embrace. Or just at their boobies *gigglepops*.)

I mean, looking them in the eyes gets creepy after a few seconds, so do you just look in eyes, look away, then back, then away. I dunno. I'm sure most people don't think about this. Anyway, free food! Whoop. BRB, out of coffee, if I lose my seat everyone dies.

Fool be trippin' off green tea y'all!

And falafel. Yes, so I can go travelling. But where to? I only have 10 days or something? I was looking at some wonders of the world lists. Athens and Rome sound good, but I'm not sure. Maybe would like to do them with people. Scandi? Bit expensive but would be awesome. Morocco? I might just search for weird and bizarre holidays. Fingers crossed I end up in a bondage castle. I saw it on Eurotrash one. I miss eurotrash. So anyway, suggestions please. My hair is cool today, but it needs a trim.

Caffeine Rambles #1

You see, the plan that I had devised was to sit in this sinful supplier of caffeinated beverages and write about days gone past. However, the cognitive effort required to access such remote regions of my synapses is well beyond my warm sleepy state. I'm sure, however, I can come up with some form of babble with which you can improve your mood with, perhaps only in the thought that you're not trapped inside my mind like I am

For instance, I was pondering what speed my inner monologue is, not the subconscious number, logic and thought crunching brain activity, but the scrubs-esque layer of consciousness that ponders thoughts such as this. By which I mean, is it talking speed, or reading to myself speed or faster? Unfortunately, I forgot why this was necessary or interesting to conern myself or my lovely readers with.

I find it odd that my watch doesn't possess the functionality to keep track of the date. Then again, I rarely remember I have a watch that can supply me the time, so it's more a fashion accessory. Except I often am concerned I look like I'm showing it off as it's quite big and obstructs my sleeves, leaving it in full view. Then again I don't care too much.

My recruitment agent took me out for lunch, because he likes the bulge in my package. To clarify, that's Far Cry 2 and Star Wars Force Unleashed that I got far too cheap. And to clarify that, I mean my penis. There's some humour to be found in the "cheap" comment, but anyway. Yes, agent, lunch. He did this lovable gesture as I managed to get a job he flung me at.

*Waits for the gasps and fainting to subside*

That's right kids, your friendly neighbour hood bum has obtained some form of contractual obligation to provide a service in return for monetary compensation. And Bupa. And Life Insurance. And 23 days paid holiday. Unfortunately, it wasn't with the financial software house in the Gerkin, but with a really cool company near holborn. And I got them to let me start in Jan, so I can possibly travel for a couple of weeks. More later.

Jubilance in defeat

I'm in all sorts of moods and I'm not sure why. I don't really seem that generally happy. I'm happy in moment, whether insulting rex, drinking with peeps, etc, but general level just seems really low. I don't know if its the same old missing of traveling, suspecting that a life of working is a life wasted, or not knowing what I actually want. Now I have a job I should be more uplifted or excited, but everyone else seems more jubilant than me about it, even though it's a really good job. Luckily I'm enthusiastic in interviews. Maybe I'm just seeking attention, or I'm depressed at my lack of musical penmanship, or my perpetual laziness, or perpetual complaining about my laziness. Or my perpetual repetition. Who knows. Also the fact my blog is/was so far behind is getting me down a bit, which it shouldn't because it doesn't really matter and not many people check it these days. Just makes me feel fuzzy. And without it being up to date I can't write posts like this that pluck your heart strings, and touch your soul, even if its underage baby.

I'm also annoyed as I'm not as nice or kind as I used to be. I used to always be offering to do things, and giving things away and things, and now I just seem really terse and rubbish, and so many people are so awesome to me. It makes me emo.

I didn't have coffee today...

Tom: holy shit
Tom: I must be tired
Tom: I laughed out loud at one of my cartoons
Tom: help.
Tom: http://far2narf.blogspot.com/2005/04/yesense-ep006.html
Raffle: *silence*

Expansion of the mart

Today we all bust into London to go to Camden and wandered around there, I think we may have eaten food somewhere first, no doubt at the Goose. Maybe. All I know was it was definitely not at the Spoons due to past events. Fuck you Stabford Spoons.

Wandered around Camden, where many people had never been, and we took over a Cafe nero there. Good times. Then Alex and I met up with Katie, and we had just under an hour to catch up, so we went to our local. Or at least the bar that Rex/Shing and I always go to, cos it's quite nice. Nice to meet up, shame it was so quick, then everyone else started to peel off, until it was just Shing, Pete and Alex. We went back to Stabby, grabbed pizza and beer and ended up chilling all night watching Iron Man (as Alex hadn't seen it) and Hot Fuzz (as Pete?!!??!?!?! hadn't seen it). Epic. Then sleep.

Once upon a London dearly

Got up and was forced into some phone interview by a recruitment agent, which to be fair sounded alright, but I'm not much into caring but weirdly they liked me straight away, as I was apparently "enthusiastic". This kids, is why I should be a movie star.

Anyway, Alex and I walked epically all over London, from Holborn, to Covent Garden, Leicester Square, Trafalgar Square, Buckingham Palace, Westminster, Along the Thames on the South Bank side, stopping off at Giraffe for some coffee, before getting to Tower Bridge, crossing it, and getting on the tube part way down the other side. We met up with Pete, Chloe Et Mike at Victoria spoons, had a swift pint there, before hitting up Green Park/Mayfair for a pint in an extremely busy and tiny pub that we had to sit outside in the freezing cold. Chloe got the train back home, while the rest of us went to the Stabford Goose, where we encountered Rex, Shing, Jon and Chris and spectacularly Wizkid Dave.

Classic drinking times were had, involving screw the dealer, and liver destroying amounts of beer. I do like pub times like that, reminds me of how I shunned my organs for the first 3 years at uni. We all retired to our abode and watched many an episode of Family Guy after obviously obtained vast quantities of KFC first. Then everyone crashed out for the night.

Riding the tight rope of sanity

Had my second interview today, went okay, as usual recruitment agent had no idea what was going on, and there were technical questions when he reckoned there wouldn't be. No matter, I was just excited about the next few days. Went home and changed, so I could meet Mr Mccabe at waterloo, as he was to stay with me for the next 3 nights. We had a few pints in the pub in waterloo station while catching up on his work related exploits before busting over to Liverpool St, where we met Joff, and they got on really well. Which is always a relief to our intrepid worrier. That's me. First time I'd been the Spitelfields Market, although the market wasn't on, there were quite a few cool restaurants around and we chose the Mexican Las Iguanas, like the one on the South Bank. Very yummy, can't quite remember what I had, possibly a chimmychanga, as that's a classic. We had some lady like cocktails as well, and I was quite happily merry. Joff then had to scarper off to meet Sarah, while we went to meet my love partner, the badass that is Rex. In the Goose. For a few drinks. And jovial chats. I like it when people get on with each other easily.

System to the shock

Yesterday I was mainly panicking insanely, much to Raffle's and everyone else's pain, as I was basically hungering for reassurance, I think. Except I'm not sensible enough to take their reassurance on board. Error.

Anyway, this strange behavior was due to the interview I had today in the Gerkin, for some cunning company I'm probably not allowed to reveal. Was very nervous, but I made sure not to have coffee before hand, as that raises my heart rate to astronomical levels. Went alright, some quite hard tech questions, but I don't think I was too bad, and their office is very nice, great view across the city.

To reward myself for not breaking down, Raffle and I went to the Eco Sainsbury's and got a large collection of edible products. Excellent.

You Tube Live

The other night I stayed up to all manner of ungodly hours, watching a large collection of people I don't know do a variety of humourous, skillful, messy and awkward things in front of many other people they didn't know. It was most excellent. Now we all know that I'd love to convert this epic rambling into some form of visual rambling, but the unfortunate consequence to this, would not only be all your souls cracking and drifting away on the breeze far sooner, but the men in white coats would have to remove me from this plain of existence. Plus I'm not photogenic/videogenic/inyourfaceagenic and my wit reveals its true tragic potential when vocalised. Much like youtube comments. Anyway...

Yes! You Tube Live. Excellent fun, major highlights are linked to below, I'm not sure I'll bore you with it all, but William Sledd did my head in, I was sad Katers17 wasn't in it more, cos she is funny, clever and pretty *blushes* Furthermore, WhatTheBuck was funnier than I remembered, and Satriani was there so all was well with the world.

Plus so was Charlie. You know Charlie. As in Chaaaarrrrlliieeeee, we're going to caaandy mountain charrrrlieeee? Yes good. Now go away, I was going to moan to you about all the reasons I want to be a youtuber but can't, because my hands are too cold in this ice fortress we call our home.

Charlie The Unicorn - At YT:Live

Bo Burnham - You Tube Song

Queen Rania's acceptance speech

"tragic seems a very 'you' word" - Raffle

Money for the Faith

Now we all know I get mini rages when technology doesn't work perfectly, for instance if a youtube video will stutter on the ancient tech I'm using for a PC (5 years old y'all), wait I'm not sure where this is going.

I DO TOO MUCH YET TOO LITTLE

I wanna do so many things, but that just means I have to blog more, which I am apparently very poor at.

*screams*

don't mind me, I'm just going loopy.

Sorry I need constant reassurance guys!

I looked upon an awful quote
parched, I coughed with scratchy throat
For days have gone that I once knew
that consisted of ice topped dew

Dress ups, make outs, go home, get down!

What have I done recently, well on the 16th I slept like a crazy baby, and then on the monday Rex foolishly began work designing traffic system to kill as many people as possible. I was then productive for those two days and caught up with Gossip Girl. Today, however, I met up with Joff and Sarah in Brixton, after grabbing a nice dinner and a couple of pints with Rex in the Shakespeare. Met them in a crazy bar, and met Jono, Sarah's kiwi friend, who I had trouble understanding because of his thick accent. After many drinks in the bar, we headed into the Brixton Academy, to see Death Cab For Cutie, but with a bit of time to kill we drank more, and peed a bit. We were all pretty merry by then, and Death Cab were awesome. Better than in Japan, I would have paid the entrance money just to see I Will Follow You Into The Dark. Excellent work. Shame we were quite far back though. Also, excellently, they played "What Sarah Said" and at the line "But I'm thinking of what Sarah said" we all turned to sarah as she sang "Love is watching someone die". Which was epic. Though somewhat emo. I then got back to Stabford without being stabbed.

I worry myself sometimes:

I'm starting to give up on awful jokes halfway through, that is just depressing. I thought I'd hit you with some rapid fire facts:

I bought Fable 2, it was good. Ending was shit. Then I killed everyone. Rachel also got addicted to it.

I bought Fallout 3, it was good. Massive, sexy, gory. Ending was annoying. Reloaded. Played more. Mmmm

I bought Fifa 99. You can kick a ball.

I bought the complete buffy DVD collection for 47 english pounds. Excellent.

En Francais?

And to France we went, from Dover upon the ferry with an excellent deal that was £29 quid (though initial offer was 24) return for a car, AND you get 6 free bottles of wine on board, plus buy one get one free. After uploading the whole of europe into Susie last night, she thwarted my every move by failing to actually have any roads within the french maps. Which isn't too great, but after our coffee fueled ferry trip, I got in the driving seat, and we made a bee line to St Omer, that Rex and I had vaguely research, to try and find something that is cool near Calais, and not a Hypermarket. We accidentally took a toll road as we didn't know the translation for toll until Raffle told us, after we'd gone down the road. We also saw some English car smashed up just under an over pass, obviously not as cool as we were. Anyway, we got to St Omer, and parked up, near some hippy kids, at as it was around lunch time, many things were shut, but walking into the town square near the town hall we found a bar/cafe/restaurant called Le Seven. Unsurprisingly, we had to eat here, so after a few photos of me outside, we rocked on in there, and got a very good 3 course lunch time deal for 12 euro. I enjoyed immensely, especially the brie 3rd course, though I was exceptionally ful up by this point

Once leaving the restaurant we wandered around the quaint streets of st mer, past an old church, then crossing the high street again, past amazing cake shops, through to the Cathedral of Notre Dame (not THE notre dame) and various other buildings of culture. Eventually we went to get some coffee in a little coffee shop, and then decided to head back to Calais in my automobile. Rex drove back, killng all in his path, and we cruised around Calais until we could find the supermarket Raffle suggested. The problem was, the Euro was doing well against the pound, and so beer and spirits weren't cheaper. Not much was really, we got a load of red wine, so we had even more, then we had to get back to the merry ferry, and we slept in a tangled pile of limbs on the long trip back. Though we did arise to get some vodka for cheap. Good times though, and once more we resurrected the chant:

Drive on the right or you die
Drive on the right or you die
Drive on the left and I'll kick your dog
Drive on the right or you die.

Tomorrow's adventure of delight

Yesterday was used as a recovery day for our brains to process that vast influx of information that had been violently rammed directly in their frontal lobes. Though Rex did the German thang, as he often does.

Today, however, we resumed our search to quench our thirst for knowledge, beginning in the V&A Museum, to see the Cold War Modern exhibition, which according to my notes was "sexy". It was indeed extremely good, various artifacts, mainly of a design nature from the Cold War period from both sides. Most interesting were many of the architecture ideas that were brought forward, including some outlandish cities on legs that roam the countryside. Scary stuff. Unfortunately the exhibition lacked any form of photos showing what was actually built, as I'm guessing quite a few of the ideas were not put into production. They showed some cool furniture and gadgets that were put on display in various world fairs to show off living in America/Russia to the other side. After trawling the shop to find something for Rex's wall, we went and got some yummy grub at the Bunch o' Grapes, which turned out to be the same sort of chain-with-no-name that the Yacht was. So good time. We both had gammon steaks, that were exceptionally good. Afterwards, we slid into the nearby Costa/Nero and bust out some caffeine addiction all over the place before heading back, to meet up with the others and drive to Whitstable that eve, in preparation for tomorrow's adventure of delight.

Animals in cages, primordial rages

In a surprise twist, it would appear I have never been to London Zoo. So we went. Bit of late start, but I got some sweet 20% discount action going on thanks to Google, and the zoo was epically empty, especially later on, and we all know I find this pretty awesome and eerie. Unfortunately, because many of their buildings, although ugly, are iconic and listed, it means animals such as Elephants, Pandas and Rhinos have been moved to their out of london zoo, so they are happy and don't murder the visitors. More importantly there were no red pandas :(. Still awesome though and we saw Giraffes and frolicked in various cafes, or whatever one does in a Zoo. I resisted buying any soft toys, and we stayed in the park till closing and we were thrown out.

We transported ourselves to Covent Garden where we gained a Coffee, then still at a lost, hit up the the Punch and Judy, which served the best pint of Fosters I have had in a long while. At last it was time to meet up with Shing and get started with our 23.50 meal and theatre offer we got from Last Minute. Fire and Stone for food, where we got a salad and a pizza for free, very yummy, and I think my pizza had meat and cheese on. The perfect combo. When we arrived at the theatre, it turned out we had been upgraded to the Dress circle, so even more bonus points oozing round every corner like a crusty virus. Show was good fun, and I enjoyed it, though was quite different to how I imagined it, more minimalistic, I guess I was used to the explosive High School Musical 3. Still good fun and I got chocolate ice cream. Strangely, I don't think I recognised any of the songs.

We'll wait in line, for most our lives...

An exceptionally awesome day today, beginning with visiting the Bodyworlds exhibition at the O2, with some cunningly acquired half price tickets, which only required pretending to read the Daily Mail. Bodyworlds, in case you don't know, is the crazy exhibition of dead people by the German guy with a hat. It's amazing, starting with embryos from various stages of pregnancy, on to fetuses and then babies, culminating in a pregnant woman lying down, and you can see her baby inside of her. The main thrust of the exhibition was aging, and how you can slow down the ever progressive effects of it. A lot of focus was on the bad affect of smoking and eating poorly. Some amazing sculptures with people though, one had a guy riding on a horse which had also had its insides exposed, but the man had the horse's brain in one hand and his own brain in the other. There were ballerinas, rugby players in mid tackle, a basketball player, and the final conclusion was a huge giraffe, that had be split in two, with each half moved outwards, but with it's inside's left in the middle. Amazing. Fantastic exhibition that everyone should see, and it's not disgusting, they all just looked plastic like.

Our next port of call was the Royal observatory, so Rex and I decided to wander along the Thames Path. This turned out to be less romantic than anticipated and more industrial/wasteland/soviet. Still was interesting to see it all, and great views of the isle of dogs from that side of the river. Eventually we got to the lovely Greenwich and had a hearty meal in The Yacht pub on the Thames, and a Guinness each. We then trekked up to the observatory, where we played with the meridian line, saw various exhibitions, went into the modern observatory, asked a man why the time space continuum was collapsing, though specifically about the laser than shoots across Stratford, indicating the meridian line. Apparently it hits a wall somewhere in North London, which I am somewhat sceptical about, but I am quite sceptical about a lot. We then played on various teaching computers to learn about the cosmos, and we participated in a team satellite launch, that failed drastically and Rex chose his items poorly.

We walked back through Greenwich after admiring the laser be turned on as it was getting dark, and I admired what a nice town it was. We checked out the huge battle ship on the Thames, then went through the Greenwich Foot Tunnel as I hadn't been there, and wanted to see where they had filmed the first Britannia High ep. As it was my half birthday I had a celebratory nap followed by a excellent curry and red wine fest.

Knowledge = Power = Life Starts Here

Rex and I decided that as he will soon be a slave to the government, it seemed only right that we take full advantage of this week to fill our minds with knowledge and expand our horizons. First on your agenda was to visit the Cabinet War Rooms and the adjoining Churchill Museum in the rain. Although a bit expensive, I would thoroughly recommend them as they are exceptionally interesting. The war rooms are really cool as they have been reconstructed using the same furniture and equipment as they used during the war, even though Churchill only actually spent 3 nights in his room down there, he used it during the day alot, though during air raids he would stand on the roof watching the city burn around him like a manic overseer. The Churchill museum was also a very comprehensive look into the big C's life, which was quite revealing, an urns out he did quite a lot of stupid things prior and possibly after the war. Still a legend. We had a nice lunch in there, I think I had something manly like a quiche or a salad, and we bust on out, just in time to see a cow pigeon.

To further our war related knowledge we went to the Imperial War Museum which was a fair old walk from Southwark tube station, but we kept ourselves entertained with Charlie The Unicorn related tomfoolery. I like the imperial war museum, specifically the trenches, as I always remember the smell of them. Rex wouldn't let me go to the James Bond exhibition but we played with the other wars, though it's a bit confusing to navigate through, possibly the simulate a real war experience? After returning home, Fifa 09 had arrived, we watched the awful film that is Sliding Doors, though I wasn't really in the mood for it, and we had a plaice/pasta combo.

Update you love to hate

7th: Not sure what we did during day, probably fallout 3, Rex has started watching me play, similar to Raffle watching me play fable 2. Except fallout 3 has strange fluctuations in difficulty that I'm still getting used to. Great atmosphere and looks beautiful though. Shame they haven't fixed the character animation failing to properly connect with the landscape like in Oblivion.

8th: Chill during day as yesterday I suspected I avoided any form of furthering my life plan and played on my 360. Rex and Shing went to various house parties while Raffle and I got drunk moderately precariously. I vomit broccoli impressively over the house, after drinking Pimms, after warning I once drank a bottle a threw up all night. Broccoli becomes house in joke.

9th: I try to recover poorly. Am quite ill, so decided not to go out, which was a lame decision on my part as Sarah was moving to Oz. My bad. Shing made chicken with spring onion and ginger sauce in the evening, which was frickin' awesome and I ate half of shropshire, if shropshire was the dinner.

We're getting out. Of here. And you'll never. Find us again.

Yesterday, Rex and I had the clever idea of going to the nearby Eco Sainsburys. By which, I mean, Tom wanted to get Fallout 3 for the low low price of 27/29 quid. Which it was. And I was exceptionally happy as I have heard it is for apocalyptic wastelands, as vaginas are for sex. Or something. We proceeded to utilise the evil that is starbucks to get a caffeine hit, but I was too excited about Fallout 3 to care much for the coffee, which is near blasphemy, if it wasn't for it being Starbucks coffee.

Today i have mostly been celebrating mother's birthday by taking her to Kew, or at last meeting her there and mum getting me in for free with her crazy membership tickets of gold power. Had a nice coffee in some crazy cosy coffee shop, before entering the garden. Weather was a bit grey, but not too chilly, and it didn't rain on us. Kew was very autumnal, which I love, and I took various arty photos with my phone. We had a crappy lunch as mum fails to like food in general, so had a jacket potato and tuna in a cardboard box. Wham. Gets dark extremely late these days.

Yesterday, for some unknown reason,

I fell into a patch of deep deathly depression, full of delinquent self-pity and loathing. Possibly fueled by my lack of productivity or applying to any jobs, so wouldn't let myself see High School Musical 3 again due to brain racking guilt coursing through my nerves to the very ends of my fingertips.

Today, I threw all emo to the wind, and Rex and I went to see the excellence which is High School Musical 3 at the O2 again. Better the second time. Rockin'. This proactively made me far more happy, so I actually applied for some stupid Shell job (don't why I thought I should go for it, but by doing it, it made me happier as well). Then the evening spiralled, yes I do say that phrase quite a lot, into a housewide orgy, with limbs and flanges tangled in some unholy mess in the hallway. Then my hair was tousled and I got sleepy.

Followed by watching Obama win the US election until about 3.30am. Mmmmm democracy.

I have destructive tendencies.

I don't care anymore, but I care I don't care. I hate all my inadequacies, all my missed chances and my inability to make use of my dull and uninteresting strengths. I hate my fear of perusing something radically different, my lack of ambition but the fire of competition and self pride that holds me back inexplicably. I hate my immaturity, my desperate requirement for sympathy, attention and compliments. I hate that I can't sing, or play, or achieve what I wish I could. I hate that everyone else can, and have better control of their negative emotions. I feel I'm being left behind by everyone else who is growing up and taking responsibility while I'm living off of my Dad's death money *waves hands spookily*. I want everyone to love me and attend to me, but also for everyone to leave me along.

I want coffee. I want but I can't provide myself with anything. I want some light in the dark. And a purpose, a muse and a reason. I need the sun and blue skies. I need tears. I hate my body and my fitness and I need something to drag me out of this pit. I'm scared to start but I don't know what I'm clutching onto. I don't even have the effort to write lyrics. Just the effort to bum with fury. I have destructive tendencies.

As many people stayed over

mainly due to the closure of the blackwall tunnel, we wibbled over to a random cafe in the centre of town, which was adequate, and Ad ran off without paying, footing us with the huge bill for his orange juice. How we loathe his chaotic mannerisms and tendancy to steal newly born infants from our ample bosoms.

We/I then recovered somewhat, before heading on down to Mile End, to see all the pretty fireworks, amongst the puddles. Very good, with music and crazy moving crane stars with fire spurting out of them. We resisted the fairground and headed back. Very good for freeness. We watched Britannia High once we got back. I think it was the second episode, and therefore crap and as a collective have decided against persuing it anymore.

The Brie, The Bullet and The Black Cat

During the day we worked our iddy biddy fingers right to the metaphorical bones to clean our house to a presentable standard for the dinner party we played to host that evening. A murder mystery party that is. In attendance:

HUGHES LE GRANDBUTTE(Dan) - Deputy Mayor of Casablanca
EDITH LE GRANDBUTTE(Tracey) - his wife, a former dancer
NICOLE LE GRANDBUTTE(Shing) - their daughter
OTTO VON PINKELWURST(Trev) - a Gestapo officer, fanatical and possibly mad.
KIRK RANSOM III(Moi) - an American who runs Kirk's African Cafe in downtown Casablanca
COUNTESS BOGOV(Boon) - an exiled Russian aristocrat
MONSIEUR OILY-CARTE(Rex) - booking agent for the Moulin Bleu in Paris
PIERRE PAYANSKI(Adam) - a 24 year old half-Russian poet
CHERIE BOOT(Raffle) - a French cabaret singer in her mid-20s
INGRID PITH(Beth) - a busty Danish art dealer

Excessive humour ensued, with the majority at some of the shocking accents that were on display during the night's festivities. Needless to say, my American accent was a shambles, but I slowly found consistency in performing some slow texan drawl, as it gave me time to think of words while trying to keep in my accent. Unsurprisingly, Trev was awesome as a Gestapo officer, Dan ended up playing a impotent character whose wife had many an affair, including with me, and much mess was made with vast quantities of wine being spilled by the Nazi fraternity.

More surprisingly was that Dan and I guessed the murders correctly. What wasn't surprising was who one of the murders was. Just so bad.

Great time had by all, I can now shave off the care bear stubble I have haphazardly grown, and life can return to normal after a large proportion of my housemates are safely locked behind bars.

Photos to come.

I think Rex and I brutally attacked

a shopping area, which I shall guess at being near Bond Street. I may even have bought an excellent new coat from Next which makes me look even more sexy than any cyborg has before. In the evening we drank our troubles away along with Ghost Busters and Evil Dead 2, mainly as it was Halloween, and we were scared of children around Stabford going for a jugulars under the guise of "tricking". Those slimey foes.

WHAT TEAM?

TESCO PLC!!!
Was where Rex and I chose to spend our non-hardly earnt money on a variety of food, and yumminess....
WHAT TEAM?

AMERICAN GRILL!!
Was a poor choice of food based dining, as opposed to other non-food based dining. Was expensive and very crap. I cried a bit. But was in the o2, and I like the o2, it is pretty and has a lovely spinning fair ground at the moment as you may see if you care to glance below this collection of letters and punctuation to the multicoloured grid of pixels. Honk. Luckily Dan and I drowned our sorries in a pub, before...
WHAT TEAM?

WILDCATS!!
That's right, Dan, Tracey, Shing, Raffle, Rex and I went to see the epicness which was High School Musical 3. Man it is so epic, people have died in the aisles from how awesome it was. My pants were sodden by the end. Wrapped up the saga very well, songs were excellent, and it was obviously much bigger budget, with some uber choreography. Good work team..
GET YA HEAD IN THE GAME!!
Haha I'm cool.

Lost and Rendered

Yesterday I had an exceptionally awful assessment day at Data Connection. After a somewhat convoluted shouting match with Susie I got to the general area of the DC HQ and proceeded to drive forever down a road trying to find a parking space. This then required me to run back to the HQ to get there on time. Needless to say interview was shit, 3 other people there, cambridge and Warwick sorts, pyscometric tests were fine, but then we had 3 essay style questions, which I messed up, and didn't explain very well in the following interview. So I drove home and got hammered with everyone. Good times.

Today, Rex, Shing and I saw French and Saunders live at the Royal Drury Lane Theatre, which was really good, except the seats were far too small for the average bear, or me. The show was funny, and I had some ice cream flavoured with chocolate yum, but I fear it could have been more clever. The show, not the ice cream. Though either would have been fantastic.

Paired updating? Why not

Yesterday I met up with the fools, by which I mean Mike, Pete and Chloe, for the upcoming Alumni ball that evening, which rex viciously and without repent stole my car to drive another set of fools down to the lovely town/city of Exeter to save some hearts via the walking in a exeter shaped circumference. Anyway, we prepped ourselves with the Goose, which may have been a mistake, then bust up the ball, which was near Holborn.

Exceptionally fancy place, far too fancy for any of us, well at least me. We grabbed a pint at the front bar (4 quid a pint), then went into the main sparkly hall with huge chandeleurs and spiffiness. Some free champagne later and a professional photo, and we were all seated on our table. After an initial table bonding taste test of jelly beans (which we never found out the answer to on the night), we had some very fancy but scrummy food. Small portions and all that. Mike and I polished off a bottle and a bit of red wine, while we watched a video on the people the ball is helping. There was then a crazy OC style auction where people were bidding thousands on signed photos of celebrities. Pretty crazy. We didn't bid at all.

The night then spiralled into the usual drink fuelled dancing sessions most people get involved in while wearing dresses and tuxes. This time I chose to wear a tux, however. The DJ stopped an hour early though, as they apparently lost power, which was annoying, but the live band before were very good, and blues brothers like at points. Anyway, we left, and I got exceptionally annoyed at my inability to find the 25 bus stop. Ah well. Good night

Today we mostly went for breakfast, NOT in spoons and I whittled away the hours of my existence by playing fable 2. Good game. Bit addictive.

The Devil in the wishing well...

Yesterday Rex and I had the stupid idea of going for a run, which resulted in all manner of death for Tom, mainly of the heart and the lungs. It's quite scary really, you'd hope it catalyses me to get fit.... scoff. haw haw.

Anyway, we made some excellent casserole, I'd try and remember what it consisted of, but that was like 1.5 months ago. I mean, yes I'm writing this right now..... Rex and I then decided to carry on our martini addiction (or Vespa, ala original James Bond) while trying to write a song. It didn't really work, and it turns out we stole the chord progression from Finley Quaye & William Orbit - Dice. Ah well.

Moving swiftly on, today we made use of our time and visited the London Transport Museum, which has been done up since I went there last. Muchos enjoyable, and we got to go around and stamp a little green booklet to prove we'd been around the entire museum. Good fun. I played on a bus. As the accompanying photo shows. We also drove the tube, myself very poorly, possibly why I'm not going for a TFL job. We also learnt that u can get electrocuted on electrified tracks. We had lunch which was awesome as it was wagamama, plus some form of coffee related shiz. Followed by some shopping then home. Russ went home to Orpington, while Rex and I met Joff and Sarah at Wembley Arena for Fall Out Boy, supported by Boys Like Girls.

I had been quite excited about BLG, though me and rex also decided to have some large form of alcohol consumption as we didn't have jobs and damn the world. Anyway, BLG played an epically short set, which I was annoyed at, we had seating tickets rather than pit tickets, though FOB were good. I was sitting next to someone the size of Germany though, very annoying. Was still good though, fun times. Long trip home.

In cunning preparation

for seeing High School Musical 3 later this week, or at some point when we have some free time in our busy busy bum schedules. Not that I schedule bumming sessions or anything. They're just first come first serve....

We decided to have a HSM fest round Dan and Tracey as they hadn't properly seen the first 2, the fools. Some destruction of Dan's soul later, we got dominos pizza, which as usual was awesome, followed by watching Surf's up which wasn't too bad, but wasn't quite a humour filled gallivant around town.

I'd gallivant all over Troy.

Wore Dress. Excellent

3 Doors Down

Very good. Rex let me drink beer. It was pretty excellent all round, except they were wildly ambitious expensive. The Indigo2 is awesome, we had some crazy 3 course Thai meal deal for 7.99 there. I love the O2 lots. Proof:

Tate Modern Photo Montague!

We will become Silhouettes

Went home, was like, "hey momma". Went to high elms and had food in the cafe there. Not a great cafe and I think mum was scared of the doggies there. They were loud. So were the babies. We walked lots. I was a little bit tired.

Subphylum: Chelicerata

Where the car is heart.

Yesterday, I was mostly filled with a looming sense of depression and foreboding, interwoven with a longing for action.

Today I decided to be more proactive and do things such as

1. Shopping for sustenance.
   
2. Removal of hazardous indoor lights from the outdoors and wet.
   
3. Clear sick bucket from my room.
   
4. Posted a letter
5. Did some laundry.
   
6. Talked to a nice guy about a job

Tomorrow I imagine I'll have to attack a big spider.

Party Extravanganza

at Chez Starr. As predicted the whole night is somewhat foggy, but alcohol was a' flowing. Luckily, I managed to jot down a variety of snippets from the evening in handy bullet point form:

• Rex destroyed people with vodka jelly once more
  
• Tom and Greg/Anthony Snogged
• Rex participated in talk less talking
• 'Arrogance' with lots of vodka. Hess's idea. At one point in ran on 5 times, Hess lost on his turn, but lucky for him Stacey knocked some of it over.
• Shing stole jon's t-shirt and tom's shirt.
• Rex and Tom take ages taking Louise and Katy to station, smoked ciggys by accident
  
• Shing kissed everyone. Everyone.
• 2 mysterious people had sex in Shing's room
• Adam and Cory jumped into russ's room through window.
• Rex, Tom, and Stacey had possible spitroast action, much to Ceri's confusion.
• Stacey's Mum song sung to her.
• Russ got tipped upside his head/down
• Unspecified lips activity occurred.
  

The morning after we all woke up slightly bleary eyed but didn't feel as bad as I should of. Huge group of us went to Spoons for breakfast, which was a pretty awful mistake as they were extremely rude, refused to believe that not all our paid for breakfasts came out, even though there were not enough plates to match the receipts we all kept!

"How hard is it to decide to be in a good mood,
And then just be.. in.. a good mood?
That's all I have to say because it's a straight up fact,
You control your emotions it's as simple as that" - Dan Le Sac

Quick Fire Round:

Met Rex and Shing in Goose.
Merry after just 4 pints.
Met Twits at night.
Possibly met others.
Sleep over.
Yum.

What I have or haven't been recently doing:

29th: Interview with recruitment agency
30th: Interview with financial software house, went surprisingly well, I unfolded an adequate about of wit to appear charming, but not crazy. Or likely to come on to their amputee daughters.
01st: 2 hour 40 min interview with financial software house again. Last stage of interview, was exceptionally grilled, Burger King style but without the technical knowledge. Didn't do too bad. Had a coffee afterwards, after realising that drinking coffee before an interview makes my heart beat far to fast to control my brain waves. Relaxed.
02nd: Found out I didn't get job because they were not sure my focus was on software development, recruitment lady was somewhat bemused and pissed off by them. I was a bit like meh, so caught up on gossip girl. Shut up. It's good. Met Rex Et Shing for shopping and garfunkels in London, moderately yummy, probably money I shouldn't be spending.

Ladies meet up

Though my memory is somewhat cracked and splintered I do remember that on the day which is of today, I met up with Joff, lady Sarah and later on Joff's new girlfriend Sarah around the mighty city of London. At some point we were on this bridge, which is either the Golden Jubilee bridge or the millennium bridge, I always forget. If memory serves, we ate in Wagamama, which was awesome as usual. Or it was some wagamama alternative on the south bank. We then chilled in a park near Waterloo, or Embankment, or Charing Cross or somewhere that my brain has forgotten, before Sarah and Joff scooted off, leaving the lady and I to have a beer the Bar Ha Ha. Excellent stuff.

Unrecollected Memories

Apparently Shing, Rex and I went to camden today, this can be proved by the photographic evidence which I do indeed have in my possession. I'm sure we had a faint gander at various shops, in fact we may have gone to Bond Street before or after, or indeed the day before, I'm unsure. Anyway, we soon resulted in eating and drinking cocktails in a nice little bar type place we found off the main street. And it was happy hour so everyone was happy.

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!?!

It's a van. Near Covent Garden

Pork Ribbe night

"Ribbe is served for Christmas Eve dinner in many Norwegian homes. It is easy to prepare and, if so desired, can be baked the day ahead and served cold. However, the thrill of Christmas Eve would vanish in our home if the heavenly aroma of ribbe or skinkestek (roasted fresh ham) and surkaal didn't fill the air. If cold loin of pork is your choice, make certain that the accompaniments such as boiled potatoes, gravy, and surkaal are served piping hot." - Sons of Norway

Things I miss (written before travelling)

• Zoe wearing my Four Star Mary hoodie
• The A303 drive
• Ritazza sessions with Maddie
• Kitchen dancing with Nick
• The Midnight Musketeers
  
• Lunches with Dan in the long lounge.
• Parkcour with Dave
• Late night/Early morning Esso
• Afternoon beers in the Ram/Imp beer garden in summer
• Listening to music in my room with Alex and Becca
• Watching endless hours of Spaced with Sam
  
• Mike and I going to Costa to "read journals"
• Dancing the night away in whorehouse with Pete
• Drinking Kronenbourg round Danu's house during 6th form sumemr
• Post-bombay buffet drives in Rex's cinquecento
• You.

Dinneon. Or dinner as us Londoners call it

I made Phad Thai, I can't quite remember the recipe, so I shall try and freestyle it. Make sure you have either "to wok" flat rice noodles or some dry ones and boil them in wet stuff, then in a wok, stir fry chilli, spring onion and garlic for 1-2 min. Chuck in some pork. Keep stir frying till brown. Chuck in some cooked prawns, fish sauce, lime juice and two badly beaten eggs. Fry for another 1-2 minutes, throw in beanshoots, the noodles, parsley, and maybe something else I forgot, fry for another minute, or something. Then eat. Nice.

Rex and I also watched Empire Records, which was pretty good for a film from 1995.

Randomly concoted Luncheon Recipe# 1

Ingredients

• 1 red onion
• 1/3 yellow sweet pepper
• brown pasta
• can of tuna
• hippy reduced fat mayo
• tomato purée
  
• dried mixed herbs
• parsley
  
• Thai 7 spice

Go:

1. Throw the pasta, and some water on the boil, with some dried mixed herbs thrown in for added humour. In the mean time slice and dice the onion and pepper, not too small and not too big.

2. 5 minutes before the pasta is done, use a time machine if this helps, throw some olive oil, pepper, onion, thai 7 spice and parsley into a pan, and fry it for 2-3 minutes, or however long you fancy, making sure to open windows in case the spice burns up in smoke.

3. Drain the pasta, throw in the stuff in the pan, and some good dollops of mayo, plus 2/3 nice squeezes of the tomato purée, the can of tuna, and more thai 7 spice because its awesome. Mix it all about, and the heat from things should nicely warm everything, or u can gentle heat it up.

4. Eat. Win. Be alone once more.

An establishment for the construction, repair, storage and issue of weapons and ammunition.

Apart from hacking my CV apart haphazardly, I went and met Dan and Rex in Holborn after they finished their so called "jobs". Wandered down to a Pitcher and Piano where we had a Staropramen and a feast. Though the food did take ages to come and the beer was flat, but I managed to look crazy in front of the waitress, as young Danu pointed at what table we were at, and I did a classic tom photo grin to her amusement/confusion. Meatballs and an awesome Hash Brown bowl later, we were nicely surficed, and we tackled the piccadilly line to reach our final destination: Arsenal. Awesome.

Piccadilly was massively packed, but once we finally got to Arsenal and walked to the Stadium, it was an amazing sight. It's HUGE. I didn't bring my good camera so I couldn't really show how awesome it was. Quite a big queue to get in, but we managed to get our really high upper tier seats about 20 seconds after kick off, which wasn't that bad. A surprisingly exciting match, even though only the youngsters were playing, with an average age of 19, they destroyed the ex-premiership Sheffield side. Final score was 6-0, with a hat trick from Vela, 2 from Bendtner, and 1 from Wilshere (who is just 16). A great experience, though my eyes kept expecting replays to be shown when someone scored. We walked to the highbury and Islington station, and after some confusion, got in the entrance, slow but easy journey home. Dan saw our awesome house, and we all crashed.

Oh and my CV turns out to be shit so I need to re do it.

A Wifi Stratford

"Mayor Boris Johnson has said he wanted London to become "a wi-fi city", where the internet was available anywhere.

"Let's do it, beginning in Stratford in this fantastic area of opportunity," he told BBC London 94.9, referring to the location of the main 2012 Olympic site." source

Here are some things that aren't great:

Your car being stolen.

So you ring up the police, and say. "Hey my car appears not to be where I left" to which they ask "Where might that be young man" to whence I reply "Out side my house" to Wither they reply "O Rly?, have you checked with TrackingGaMacking Jenkins" to Womble I reply, "Yes and it was not there yet" and so on, until after various phone calling all day I find out by mid afternoon that my car was towed.

This is why the lazy never prosper.

So it resulted in me getting a taxi. Because I hadn't learnt from my laziness, and because it was 3 miles away and not near public transport, to the Inpound Lot. I then filled out various forms, hacked up someones face, blah blah blah, paid £250, got my car back, and ended up where I started. Except 250 smackers down and my car halfway to West Ham, which is wear the nearest parking space of freedom is. I need a permit.

Plus the ticket machine outside doesn't work.

File Sharing

So you want to do some file sharing across a local network on your Windows XP pc aye? And it seems to be set up right, but then you try and double-click on the computer and it gives you a similar, if not exactly the same message as:

"\\COMPUTER1\ is not accessible. You might not have permission to use this network resource. Contact the administrator of this server to find out if you have access permissions.

Access is denied"

So you're like "shit dude, this be hella wack", so you try to go to "\\COMPUTER1\MUSIC\" manually through the address bar, and it works. Freaky. How doth one fix this? Like this:

On computer 1 got run in the start menu and type regedit. Then navigate to the registry key HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SYSTEM\CurrentControlSet\Control\LSA and change the value of the RestrictAnonymous to 0. Now reboot (THIS STEP IS VITAL).

Now it should work, and you love me. Good times.